[Beffie40]

Hi all! This is my first post! I have a problem that is breaking my heart. I have been in a relationship with DA for 2 1/2 years. I am 40, he is 33. I was married for 9 years before being widowed in 1994. My daughters are 17 and 15. DA has never been married and has no children.

DA and I see each other about 3 times a week and we don't spend the night with each other. I love DA very much and want to make a lifetime commitment to him. He has made it clear that he does not want to get married.

At first I assumed that he meant he didn't want to get married right away, but he never talks about our future together nor does he ever make any reference to engagement or marriage in any context. I love him and love being with him the precious little bit that we are together. I would hate to end the relationship, but I am just sick most of the time missing him when we aren't together (we talk by phone on the days that we don't see each other).

I find that I feel sad more than happy because of the situation. I cry a lot because I feel as if he doesn't want to marry me because he finds me inadequate somehow. He says it's him and not me that is the problem. It's getting to be work to continue the relationship as it is now. He lives about 20 minutes from me and driving back and forth is getting to be very tiring ... I sometimes drive home at 2:30 or 3:00 in the morning from his apartment on the weekends.

I am completely clueless as to what to do. I need someone to help me out and give me an objective opinion. Please help!!

[clia]

Find another man. DA has point black told you that he does not want to get married. If you do want to get married, you should find a man who does want to marry you and stop wasting your time.

[RedneckRomeo]

would you rather miss him or rather not have a relationship at all? When it comes to me, I've grown really close to this one girl. Though we're not in a relationship as of yet, I'd rather miss her than not have her in my life at all. Yes, he may say he doesn't plan on getting married - but that doesn't mean he can't change his mind. Maybe try and get some deeper answer to why he isn't ready for marriage - something better than 'its me, not you' something with a bit of an explanation. Then go from there.