[Bird]

My wife and I have been married for just over 4 years. Previous to our meeting, she was a lesbian, or at least bi but dating women only. The reason I say bi is because when we met she told me she was bi (though she was never in a relationship with a man except once in h.s. - and it was bad). Anyway, we met in college - she was a junior - i was a grad student - she had just gotten out of a serious relationship with a woman whom she'd been with for 2 years. We became good friends and realized that we had deeper feeings for eachother. At that time she told me she was bi, and I told her I was cool with that (though I've always found it a little indimidating). We dated and fell in love - head over heals - and after 6 months she proposed to me, and got married. Since that time we've had sexual issues. She has been with some psycho women that used sex as a weapon against her and I think it has caused her to negatively associate sex with manipulation and getting used. During sex she seemed apprehensive and reserved and didn't seem to enjoy it - usually ending up disappointed. Orgasms just weren't curling her toes. Also, I was the first man she has had sex with. All other aspects of marriage have been great. We've worked on the sex part and have been making strides in the right direction. However, I recently came across a journal entry on our computer I wasn't meant to see, but I read it (entered by her and it was a very recent entry). I know I shouldn't have read it. I've tried to talk to her about what seemed to be troubling her, but she'd never open up, and I sensed that what I was about to read was exactly what I wanted to know. ANyway, in it she described how she still has a desire to be with a woman and that she feels that I am not meeting her needs (not specific). She said that she does love me dearly but is afraid to talk to me about it. My heart sunk and I decided to tell her that I read her entry. We talked it over and she assured me that it what she wrote was only in a moment of weakness - I guess all the stressors of her life acting on her at once - and that she would never leave me for anyone else and that she's fully committed to our marriage. But I still have my doubts. She still didn't talk to me in detail about what she was feeling - just sort of brushed it asside, "don't worry about it." I really wonder maybe she's realizing that she's a lesbian after all and that I could never give her what she needs and that she's just denying who she really is. I told her that she should not worry about hurting me and that she shoudl be true to herself and if she feels she is a lesbian then she should live that way. But I suspect she may be denying her sexual identity to spare me the heartache. Thoughts? Opinions? Criticisms?