I'm hurt because I didn't get invited to a second cousin's bar mitzvah. I think the reason is simply because they forgot about me or don't know about me because our family doesn't always keep in touch. In the past I always used to go to these family events with my grandmother who unfortunately passed away last year. She always used to take me with her and I loved seeing members of the family whom I hadn't seen and just the feeling of being together with my relatives.

Since her passing the family has really separted and doesn't stay close. My father remarried with a woman who doesn't really care about keeping the Jewish tradition, so they don't even celebrate holidays. I go to my great aunt's(my grandmother's sisters) for those occasions.

I found out that my father and his wife were invited to this bar mitzvah and they probably don't really care, and might not even go. I really want to be included, but I'm not sure who to talk to about this. I don't think this was done on purpose to exclude me, I really think they just didn't remember that my father has a daughter or posssibly they think I don't even live in town (I lived somewhere else before). Should I call my grandmother's first cousin and explain the situation, or talk to my father? My father's brothers get these kind of invitations too, and they never even show up..

It just hurts me so much that I am the only one in my generation who is trying to keep up the Jewish traditions, and yet I get excluded from these events. I'm afraid if I talk to my father he will just say some insensitive comment to me and I will feel more hurt.

What should I do?

[jenny]

what would happen if you just straightforwarded called, or wrote, and explained this all, omitting the worry about your father? note that you respect your father's position, but that you want to make it clear you value, and need, these connections in your life? it's graceful, it endears without being manipulative, and very few people would be callow enough to refuse that appeal unless it was a question of space or money at the recepetion. also, offer to help if you do get invited...