[I'llBeBetterOFF]

I am having an extremely difficult time getting through all divorce entails. I've made lots of progress, but still question and try to understand why this ever happened. I know I'm not alone searching for answers that I will probably never have.

Divorce leads us to and through so many unexpected twisted turns in life. Our relationshp was sixteen years and married twelve. I believed this was forever until my world came crashing in on me with the reality that my husband was involved with a married woman. When confronted he denied it emphatically and my pursuing the subject was useless. I wanted answers all I got was anger and cover up stories.

Devastated and so full of emotion I left then filed for divorce, but prior to his being served he moved his girlfriend and her child into our home. He and I continued to communicate and he would tell me how sorry he was and how much he loved me and that he was unsure of where "this was going"

What I didn't bargain for is the separation from his family whom I had grown so incredibly fond of. Why do people become so strange in divorce situations? I never imagined divorcing the family and made it clear I was not.

Now his girlfriend resorts to digs toward me on her personal web page. She had previously posted some disgusting sexual comments about she and my husband making inappropriate references. I've had to contend with some very ridiculous situations throughout this ordeal. I feel such an incredible pain and loss for the life I once knew and now find myself subjected to ridicule and its all backwards. I loved my husband was a "Great Wife" in his words and a "Good Woman" This woman has taken it upon herself to seek out one neighbor inparticular whom I am very close with and proceeded to discredit my husband and myself. She is extremely loud and for whatever reason seems to be on a mission of justifying what she has done. This other woman now makes it clear that she was not the first to have had an affair with my husband that he has had numerous affairs and that she found condoms all over our house.

Isn't it enough our marriage was destroyed as well as her own? I wanted more than anything to settle with my husband without putting our business in the streets and this woman has taken it upon herself to challenge everything she possibly can. She made it a point to show up at court appearances and would taunt and provoke every opportunity she possibly could.

In the privacy of the court room, but in view of our lawyers he was very affectionate and attentive so it only added all the more confusion. Seeing him is very difficult because this was something I was not prepared for and still love him very much inspite of all that has transpired. I do know I could never consider reconcilliation although both of our lawyers said they had never seen a divorcing couple care so much for eachother. It is so sad and so hard to let go, but I know I have to.

I feel so dirty, ashamed and humiliated. This woman tries making a mockery of our marriage and what once was between he and I as though it never was right ever. She has taken it upon herself to make very inappropriate comments regarding our marriage and relationship as though she is some expert.

All I am trying to do is get this behind me so I can start my new life and I find myself dealing with issues and situations she has created and I just want her to butt out. The two of them took many of my personal belongings and some household articles and forced a neighbor to take them when she pleaded with my husband to please call me of course not wanting to be caught in the middle.

All I ever did was be a good loving wife and this is what I get? Why?

[jenny]

o, sweeties,
my heart goes out to you. you are doing all the right things, the ethical things. i hope every woman or man contemplating an affair with a married person reads your post and hears the damage that can be done to innocent people. keep you head high, wait it out, well, you're doing all those things. the only new thing i can tell you is to keep hope - you will someday find people who seek to act well and improve themselves and the lives of those around them.
much love and support, feel very free to vent more...

xox j

[I'llBeBetterOFF]

Jenny,
I found it extremely difficult trying to convey with some semblance of order what has transpired over this past year. I know I have made lots of headway as I use to cry on a daily basis. I still have my moments and I miss him and guess I am just one of those woman that truly was in this "forever" I think it is so sad for whatever reason some in our society make so light of divorce and the downfall of relationships. I think they are the backbone of our country, family unity.


You've no idea how much I need and appreciate this feedback!

It is amazing what compassion we are capable of arousing in otherwise strangers and become connected. I have kept so much bottled up inside and am thankful to be able to get some of this out!


I typically find myself in the role of the nurturer and now the tables have turned. Thank you!!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Karen,

I suspect this woman's outrageous behavior is the result of her being insecure about her relationship with your husband. Right now, you are as much of a threat to her as she was to you. The relationship she has with your husband is based on lies and deception (on both their parts) and has...and will ALWAYS have...an unstable foundation.

Knowing what they have done, the only way she can possibly jockey for your position within the family and social circles you and your husband shared together as a married couple, is to run a campaign against you. Otherwise, she would have to deal with a lot of ridicule and scorn which would also threaten this new relationship. Believe me, the friends and family that knew you the best will see right through her bizarre little routine and eventually it will work against her.

She’s scared out of her mind. GOOD! At least you can find some restitution in that. Keep you chin up and make sure you get all you can from this divorce. Stand strong against all the insults and accusations she throws at you. The less you appear bothered by them, the worse she will look. And since it appears that your husband may be a habitual adulterer, my bet is that this relationship will run its course and be over once all the drama fizzles out and they become settled in their routines and “bored” with each other. And that’s when all the bad karma will come back around to bite them on the …..

Hopefully, by then, you will have worked through all the anger and pain and will have already begun a new, HAPPIER life on your own. Once you get through the difficult divorce process and have had time to be on your own without all the added worries and stress caused by your marriage, you will realize just how LUCKY you are to be free of him. And being “Happy” is often the best revenge.