Hi, everyone. I've come here for some advice. I have a difficult dilemma. My fiance has a best friend (we'll say John) who has been dating the same girl for 8 years. I have become close with them both, in fact now the girl (let's call her Jane)is my best friend. We plan on being in each other's weddings next year. In the past, I have known about John cheating, but I haven't said anything because it would be breaking a confidence with my own fiance (he's the one telling me about it) and I wasn't that close to her back then. Well, he has started back up cheating (again, my fiance is telling me this and has asked me not to say anything to Jane.) I am struggling now... John and Jane have bought a house together, they plan to get married next spring, and now she and I are so close. Should I break my fiance's confidence to tell my best friend that her future husband is a chronic cheater? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[2SidestoStories]

First allow me to say that I absolutely do not envy you your position. Indeed, that is one mighty dilemma!

My first thought is to ask what your fiance's opinion of John's behavior is? Does he seem to just accept that his friend is a cheater, like it's just part of who his buddy is? And has Jane known of John's cheating from the past?

My immediate response is that as her friend, you would be doing her much more of a service by telling her that John is cheating on her. Of course, the dilemma then is having broken your fiance's trust, right? The question I have for you to consider is why your fiance would choose to either play dumb or ignore John's behavior. I don't mean to make it sound like there should be finger pointing from you to your fiance, but rather, why would he choose to defend such destructive behaviors in his close friend? Especially when John's been invovled with Jane for so long!

There could be a whole huge can of worms that you're not ready to deal with going on under the surface, but for my part, if I were in your position, I'd definitely be more inclined to tell Jane what's going on.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you come to.

[Yeti]

nooo... do not break that bond of trust that you have between you and your fiance. this might sound like a terrible thing to be saying, but think of it in the long run, you want him to feel that later in life he can come to you and tell you anything... something like this could really mess that feeling up.

if you care about your friend, use the other option, talk to your fiance about it... explain to him how you care about your friend and have him approach John about the cheating. or if it's real bad the two of you should goto Jane and explain to her what has been going on, together. who knows, there could be so much more to the stories that you don't even know of...

yes, morally you need to do something... but in this case you can cause a very severe problem for yourself, going lonewolf...

this is a very tight situation...
...Good Luck...
- Yeti

[Tony T]

Keep your mouth shut. You have no evidence whatsoever of any cheating. All you know is what somebody has told you. All your boyfriend knows is what somebody told him. It doesn't make any difference if the guy himself told your boyfriend. That's why courts don't allow heresay evidence. It's not a valid form. Men who cheat don't talk about it, especially with men who have girlfriends who are friends with their fiances unless they are insane. Maybe you just ought to tell his fiance that her husband to be is insane. Stay totally out of this. I unconditionally guarantee you won't be a hero for shooting off your mouth but you will lose three friends.

Go out and do something fun today and set your mind on more positive things. If you can't keep a confidence with your boyfriend, you absolutely prove yourself unworthy...unless what you find out involves the security of the free world.