Took a break from everything, and now a year later...

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Hello everyone, I was quite active on the forum about a year ago, but then my bf and I split and I had to step away from everything to save my sanity else Id be on here analyzing his every move to death

 

Last I posted we had a big argument and I was afraid that was the end of things. Along with that, hed been having major problems in the sex dept and I was totally frustrated. You guys were right...a couple days after thanksgiving I found out he had been seeing someone else and we broke up. We went NC save for the occasional outburst on my end (Ill admit it..ahh!) I was totally devestated though and to say I was a complete mess for awhile there.

 

Over the summer things warmed up and we ended up sleeping together. It was my first time in his new place since our breakup, and I was pretty surprised to see he still had pictures of me, and he even held onto my toiletries and had them in his bathroom. I didnt want sex without a relationship though and was starting to feel crummy about it so I put an end to that ...we havnt had sex and I havnt been to his place since. But wed still go for lunch and keep in touch.

 

After that, I finally started getting out there and dating again. Things started getting serious with a guy and right after we slept together he disappeared on me. I had an emotional wreck moment (hah!) and went off on my ex. I wrote him this long email about how Ive had enough, I dont want to be friends I want to be in a meaningful relationship that will lead to marriage and want to break this cycle of being with guys who just want to have casual sex blah blah blah. Yeah, he thought I was drunk or something unfortunately I wasnt so I cant blame it on that But he freaked at the idea that I was involved with someone else and asked rediculous questions....So you kissed him?! Well, yeah. He touched you!? Yeah that all led up to the sex and him disappearing on me part. So let me get this straight, you had sex with him?! ...I dont know what was going through his head, but I didnt hear from him for a couple of weeks after that convo.

 

Then about a month ago, without going into detail, something major happened to me, and he was right there for me to help me through it. He really went over and beyond I have to say and he was a major help to me. Since then, we've seen more of each other, hes told that he's realized that the moments he spends with me and our family days with my daughter is what life is really about, that he misses and loves us, etc etc. Every so often he'll let me know that even if I dont forgive how he broke my heart, he'll still do what it takes to make it up to me and remain a part of my life in some way, hes told me that I can use his place whenever I want if I want to use the pool or any reason at all, I can come over any time...though I havnt taken him up on that...I think its his way of letting me know there isnt anyone else at his place or in his life now.

 

Ive run into friends of his who seem to be under the impression we are back together, telling me how happy they are for us and they knew that all we needed was some time. Of course all this was news to me since we havnt actually talked about getting back together again. Yesterday, he invited my daughter and I out, and someone asked him how we knew each other...he said we've been together for almost 3 and a half years, but we took a little bit of a break which is why they hadnt met me before. Then he kinda looked at me shyly like making sure it was okay with me that he said that. Since kiddo was there with us, it wasnt really the time to say anything. He left town on business today, but he said that when he gets back hed really like to be able to spend some time with me and talk.

 

Yeah, I still have feelings for him...thing is, I dont want us to slip into continuing where we left off, since well..that didnt work for us the first time. Besides that, Im *very* sure of it that I want a committed relationship, I dont want to date casually for the heck of it and after my nutso outburst email, hes very aware of what I want if we do start dating again. I know he wants to try again, but Im not entirely sure how to approach this. So many questions run through my head and Im really not sure what to even make of whats going on here though for the past few months it seems like hes been trying to do whatever he can to make things right by me.

 

Friends and family arent of any help cause they're also emotionally involved...my friends flat out say theres nothing he can do to make it up to me. My family is urging me not to forget that for 2 years we were really happy together, and they believe hes being genuine and realizes what he lost. His family adores me and would be thrilled if I gave it another chance though they still think hes a jerk and one of his sisters even stopped talking to him because of what happened between us. My daughter...well, shes said she kind of understands why Im all torn up cause she has a hard time understanding how it all even happened cause of how happy when we're all together...she doesnt like how he hurt me, but she also still loves him and that she trusts whatever decision I make...

 

I guess any observations on this would be great. Id love to try again and open to it but Im feeling so guarded right now.