It's an awfully commonplace thing to have happen: people go through a breakup, often times particularly nasty, then one or both of the former partners finds 'someone else' right away. Sometimes the new relationship turns into something more meaningful than a rebound, but more often than not it's just bouncing back to some formerly recognizable state you may have been in previous to your relationship ending. I've found myself, naturally, craving some attention from someone who's not "just a friend." Don't get me wrong, at this stage in my life, I am feeling absolutely blessed that I have friends willing to put up with me! But I know I wouldn't want to get into anything serious right now. Some of my friends have recommended I try to find myself a "nice, pretty, not-too-smart fellow" to spend time with who can help restore some of my ego.
Is this healthy? Is it unavoidable? Is it another matter of people not being honest with themselves? (That last question is kind of a generic and rather personal question, so it's more rhetorical.) What are things to watch out for in terms of a rebound? If it is avoidable to go through a rebound, how can this be accomplished? Hypothetically, say I find someone who's a great deal more decent, and I may actually be interested in pursuing something more meaningful--eventually--with him; should I avoid this person until I'm ready in hopes that he's willing to wait around?
Your advice, as always, is quite welcome. Heck, tell me I'm a moron, if you think it!
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"Mom...The Easter Bunny...HAS EGGS!!" My four year old daughter as she literally falls to the ground laughing hysterically, marking one of the most completely absurd yet strangely fulfilling moments in my life - ever.
Rebounds are NEVER a good idea. Sometimes people are looking for comfort. Sometimes they want to show the dumper that they are capable of getting somebody else quickly. Some people just can't stand to be alone. Some people are just plain crazy. It's always a much better idea to take some time to heal, no matter how unpleasant it is, to take time to review the previous relationship and learn something from it and then to take time to find the RIGHT PERSON...not just a replacement part.
You're absolutely right. What I keep thinking is that the person who is the recipient of the rebounder's "affections" is being used, and that does nobody any good whatsoever. I mean, what if the recipient, let us call him Bob, is actually interested in something long term and actually cares for the rebounder, let us call her Jane, who never had any intention of anything more than "getting some." Or vice versa...Bob is out looking for some tail and Jane is looking for a husband!
I watched my brother go through 7 or 8 women after he lost Linda (they'd been together over 20 years). He needed to know that someone could still care about him, and he needed to not be alone to dwell on his loss. The women knew they were re-bounds and weren't hurt (much) when he moved on.
He also dated seriously one woman for a year or so and that one he didn't consider a rebound - but in a way, she was because she was the first one he had more than a physical feeling for. They broke up and he finally met Rosie - who he moved in with 6 or 7 years ago and they are or were planning their future together. I havn't heard from my brother since last May and he didn't say anything, but I got the impression that he and Rosie were having some problems. I hope not - Rosie is a great person and we really like her and she and Doc seem so good together.
Dating several people after a breakup with someone special I think is just par for the course and maybe something everyone has to do in order to be able to move forward. But I think people should try to take is slow and realize that these "micro-relationships" are probably not going to last.
I would have to say that rebounds would have to be a bad idea, especially if you are the reboundee. You could really break someones heart if you use someone as a rebound. They could end up falling for you when you are not feeling it for them.
I guess it all boils down to whose feelings you are looking after. Most of the time, it will be your own, so I guess if a rebound can help you cope with your prior loss, then I guess it could be a good thing. In rebound relationships, nobody wins...
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