Hi everyone. I am new here. My problem is that I am so unapproachable. It's a pattern in my behavior that I really would like to stop. I went to a rock concert with my cousin. Some guys walked up to us and had a conversation with my cousin. I really liked one of them. We didn't have a conversation or anything. He glanced my way a couple of times. My cousin got one of their numbers though. The next day, I called her and she said that the guys thought I didn't want to talk to them and I just seemed uninterested. This pattern has been going on for a while. It's really starting to affect any kind of relationship I have with guys. (I don't date very much obviously.) A guy approached me at a movie theater and tried to have a conversation with me. Guys do approach me, but they think I don't want to talk to them. Maybe it's a flaw in my personality or bad body language. I am very reserved and moody. (I know both of these qualities are part of the problem, but they are hard to change.) Even when I do talk to guys, it eventually doesn't lead anywhere because my real self starts to show. I don't really have any problems talking to people I know. I am not unattractive. How can I make myself more approachable? I just need a little advice. Thank you!

[Jamie31]

Well, you can admit that you have a problem, and that is the first step. It is up to you to change it. Why don't you start going up to the guys before they come up to you? And if they do come up to you, just talk. I mean, make small talk. It isn't that hard. This is just something you are going to have to work on. It may take some time,but if you work at it, it will get better.

[Dragonflys]

I'd be interested to know if you are generally quiet around people. Do you normally prefer to be reserved?. If so, the reason you feel awkward and look uninterested is probably because you are very self conscious and don't like to be observed by too many people, nor have the energy or desire to take control of conversations in these situations because you are so distracted.

Personally, I don't think that is a bad thing. Such people become the writers, scientists, and poets of this world. However, if you really desire to speak with others [obviously you would like to date some] you need to teach yourslef to focus on a conversation. That is, take your awareness of others out of the picture and 'get into' the conversation at hand, much like if you were into writing a book. If it is interesting, get involved in the conversation and interact focussing only on the other person. Society often labels less naturally 'social' people as socially inept but thats not true, most of us can have one-on-one conversations with the best of them, if not even better because of our ability to focus rather than mingle. Of course if the conversation is predictable and boring, switch on the bored look

It's just a matter of exacerbating what you are best at, and blocking out some messages society can give you.

Oliver