[timeofyurlife]

I have a question I am a single guy that has the misfortune of taking care of an elderly parent. I say misfortune because I have had to put my life on hold for this parent and I resent it something fierce. I have no life outside of this house dating is a bust when ever I tell someone that I have to take care of this parent twomen are immediately turned off probably because I am perceived as a mommas boy which is so far from the truth as a matter of fact I really cant stand this parent but my other family members have abandoned me and left me to take care of her. I am in my early 40's and have not been involved with a woman in over 12years I notice that i get aggitated by everything andam just a short time away from doing something drastic I have been to doctors and all they want to do is put you on medicine which i dont want nor do i belive in it it just masks the problem Please help I cannnot deal with this much longer and am affraid of what i may do.

[my_mother's_daughter]

I don't know much about US Social Services, but if things are that bad, surely there must be some practical help available, whether it be a nursing home or respite care allowing you to have time for yourself?

Rather than consider yourself so desperate that you would contemplate something drastic, concentrate your effort on finding practical alternatives to help out with your situation.

Maybe someone on the board here has more specific practical advice regarding US Social Services systems??

[Cariel]

You're not alone. Now 46, I "inherited" BOTH my parents a decade ago when my mother became severely disabled and dad couldn't cope and my brother refused to get involved. Three years after that, I got HIS mother added to the mix (she was 88 at the time) after she turned her oven to broil instead of off one time too many and burned her moblie home down. Grandma and Mom hated each other then and still do.

Add to that my then-teenage son (I'm a single mom) and you can just imagine the delights I've dealt with *g*. I'm on a first-name basis with the entire ER staff at the local hospital and know every geriatric specialist within a 50-mile radius. And did I mention that both my parents are control freaks?

Now, listen carefully. Had I not listened to the psychiatrist and got on Prozac 6 years ago, I have no doubt I'd be dead by now. I've always had a tendency towards depression and should have been on it long before...I'm quite sure I'll be taking it until the day I die. It doesn't "mask" the problems, it allows you to deal with them realistically.

So first, get thee to the Dr. and get some antidepressents.

Then, get out your phone book and locate Senior Services. Elder abuse is a very real problem and pretty much every town (or at least county) has help available for over-burdened caretakers.

Lastly, it may make you feel better to know that I have a wonderful relationship with a man who respects my choice to care for my family and thinks I'm pretty special for taking on the responsibilty. Get your life in order and then your own special person will probably show up.

All the best.