[dejadudu]

Fact: I want to see other women. Fact: The girl that I'm with is one-in-a-million, just a great person.

After one year together as friends-with-benefits, she is starting to show a desire for something serious (maybe marriage eventually, not now). I've not actively tried to see other women this whole time with one exception. Much of the time I have enjoyed our 'trist' but I have been with her so long now that I am sure that it would be a blow to our friendship to see someone else or even suggest it. Yet, I am in doubt about our long-term prospects. We are in our 30's and time is always a pressing matter.

Selfishly, I do not want to lose the intimacy she and I share and yet, I am not satisfied with the physical side of things. If you are missing passion, does it make sense to ignore that? Imagine the conversation of working that one out...I can't.

So is it self-delusion to meet someone else for a drink? As if to say 'I am testing my own feelings here', an ernest but innocent intention. The alternative is tell the truth. I would kindly decline on the 2nd one until I am sure of what I am prepared to do. This is not fair to my friend. So any thoughts?

[Tony T]

The only fair thing to your friend is to come clean and tell the truth about your feelings. Your current behavior is self serving in that you don't want to give up the regular supply of sex until you find another source. That's pretty sick, in my opinion.

If there is no passion, that's not good. Don't continue to compound the situation by leading her on further. That's just a very cruel thing to do considering your doubts. When you meet Ms. Right, you won't have those. Let her make her own decisions of what she wants to do based on the truth you deliver to her. You can always masturbate until you find another sex buddy or a meaningful relationship that goes beyond friendship with benefits.

If you're as worried about the friendship as you say, you will be forthcoming immediately before feelings on her part become intense to the point where the survival of the friendship will be sealed permanently in the negative.

[greeneyes]

Trust, respect, communication, and romance make a great relationship. If you really want to continue with this woman you should let her know how you feel. She may not realize that you are unhappy in that area. Maybe make some suggestions the next time you are together and see how she responds, you might be surprised. If you know you do not want to continue on with this person then you should end things with her. Good luck.

[dejadudu]

Thanks for the replies. I may have been too harsh with my description of the relationship but, yes, jumping from one person to another for better sex is cowardly and 'sick'. That is not what I mean by passion, though I did describe it as a physical thing...my fault. In the past, my experience of passion was a kind of experience where everything just clicks almost effortlessly.

My friend and I have gone as far as we are going to go, I think. GreenEyes has described "the golden rule", what would I ask of her if positions were reversed. What is hard about that is that we have come this far as a "mutual support network of two". We have nicknamed our relationship a 'trist' because, both recently dumped, we weren't interested in anything serious. I am sad to end things as they are, but I feel that I am play-acting more and more as her behavior changes.

And, finally, yes it took temptation from another woman to push me out of passivity. I should have taken more care sooner.

That said, I am scared to lose her friendship.