[sunnie23]

i've been with my bf for about 7 months.

he lives about an hour away. we both work two jobs, and he's very serious about his gym time. pretty well all summer we've developed a routine of seeing each other only on weekends, spending the whole weekend together, because seeing each other during the week is nearly impossible.

lately i've been feeling cast aside though. it seems like he's able to make time with his friends-they'll work out together during the week, they went to play beach volleyball, i think they might have gone shopping or something too. this weekend he sprung on me that sat night was guys night and i wouldn't be seeing him. that second something went off inside me saying "he doesn't want to see you"

i told him that we don't spend enough time together and he agreed. neither one of us could find a solution though, and he said "the only time we have is weekends, and we have to split that between us and our friends."

he makes a point of calling every night before he goes to bed. when we're together he's very affectionate and i don't have any doubts.

so, the advice i need is whether or not to confront him about this.
i'm feeling pushed away and i'm worried we're going to lose our conection.

[Tony T]

You've already confronted him on this issue, according to your post, and he agreed with you. He stated the only time the two of you have to spend together is on the weekends and that he wanted to divide that time between you and friends of the two of you, which I think is kind of nice. The only thing left to confront him on now is eliminating friends from the schedule and I don't think that's such a good idea.

So exactly what did you have in mind to confront him with?

[midori]

I think you're right to be concerned about how much space he's making for the relationship. If nothing else, it doesn't seem to match the space you have or would like to make for it in your life. That needs to be resolved somehow.

I can see how driving an hour to see someone on a weeknight (and then driving back) would be a bit draining and perhaps ultimately unenjoyable. But given the fact that he's got time to be with his friends on weeknights, you're right to wonder why he's allowing them to encroach on weekends, the only time the two of you have to spend together. I can see the occasional event coming up and disrupting the weekend routine. But given the distance between the two of you, he's got to appreciate that he needs to make some extra space for the relationship, and not be easy about letting other things take precedence over spending time w/you.

If he can't make spending his available freetime with you, then he's not as into the relationship as you are. So you might want to consider making a change: either start incorporating other things into your life so that you're not looking to spend all weekend, every weekend with him; or start looking for a new guy, possibly more local, who can fill the time and space you have alloted in your lfie for a boyfriend.

[sunnie23]

i don't know, i guess i was going to ask him if he's just hanging out with me because it's routine for him. if he's just going through the motions because he feels he has to.

i know i have to get a grip on my insecurity but i don't know how to. i love him very much and i don't want to lose him.