[SaneorInsane]

I am in a relationship with someone that is very different from anyone I have ever been with. I have fallen completely and utterly in love with her as well. We get along great on the surface but have issues from time to time.

I am in my 30's and have been told from time to time in past relationships that I was afraid to commit. I was always unsure of everything but was completely honest with them. Most of the time I wanted to take the dating thing slow and get to know them. It was always a problem for them. They said I was emotionally constipated. I never really showed my feelings toward them, I didn't feel comfortable doing so. It was something they took offense to, even when I explained it was just something I had a hard time doing at first. I was in two longer relationships in the past and was very torn up by the latter one. Although, I knew that we weren't right for each other.

I grew up in a stable, but smothering home. I am the youngest and have been viewed as the spoiled brat by siblings. I come from a small blue collar family and am the only one that graduated from college and obtained a professional position. My mother was always dependent upon me emotionally, and has numerous other issues medically as well. She would make me feel guilty if I spent too much time at my SO's house in the past, and would call me excessively at college and when I was on my home. Told me I was selfish for moving out of my parents home when I graduated. She threatens suicide when she blames me for making her feel rotten. She hasn't taken care of herself medically for years and develops severe illness' from smoking most of her life. I have tried to get her to stop smoking for years to no avail, and find myself not having much sympathy for her. She makes me feel guilty for not sitting by her side constantly now that I moved closer to my hometown. First Question, am I selfish for not wanting to sit around and watch her kill herself, and not listen to her nag me all the time?

Bigger issue. This girl that I am crazy about, hates my family and voices her opinion constantly. Tells me over and over that my mother is an ignorant, selfish, vindictive person that constantly tries to make me feel guilty. She thinks that I should stop contact with her to a degree, and not feed into her guilty trips. My mother immediately didn't like my GF because she thought she was taking me away from the family. I never had a big relationship with brother or sister, so i never was around to spend that time with them before. I spent my time at my parents mostly out of guilt. My mother has said some mean things ever since I have been going over there less and talking to her less. I tried to explain that I love this girl and would like to spend my life with her. She doesn't care...thinks that I don't give a **** about my family anymore. I blew up and told my mother that she is not going to win, that if she loved me she would be happy for me.

My GF comments constantly that I have no life, that I need to break away from family and that she is embarassed to say that my family could be her inlaws. Says she isn't used to being associated with a blue collar family, and that her parents went to college and were well educated. She tells me that I am not like them and thinks I should forget about them and break alot of contact.

My mother went into the hospital, and she was upset I left her house and drove two hours to visit her. Says that I shouldn't pick up and leave so quickly. Wants to be the priority. What do you think about my GF? Is she too harsh?