[helpseeker]

I am looking for help on breaking my porn addiction. It has gotten to the point that my marriage is hanging by a thread. I refuse to lose my wife and children over this, but do not think I can do it on my own.

Any advice as to steps to take?? Any success stories??
Please help

[Gray]

First piece of advice if you think you have an addiction, is find counseling somewhere. It sounds like your wife already knows you have a problem, so tell her you need help with it, then go find some.

Barring that, what about cancelling your internet connection for a few months? Or getting your wife to set up parental controls that you don't know the password to?

[PurpleAngel]

Have a read of this site helpseeker, and GOOD LUCK and yes I think counseling is the way to go too...

http://www.therapyinla.com/articles/article1102.html


~PurpleAngel~

[Pookette]

Thank you for seeing that you have a problem and wanting to take steps to solve that problem. I wish my husband would do the same thing, but I feel like Sisyphus trying to roll the stone uphill...
Anyway, you have the guts to want to change yourself and I sincerely congratulate you on that. Counseling is a great idea, also let your wife know (if she doesn't already) that you are seeking help and that you also need HER help. It's a sticky, messy situation (no pun intended) but you can do it!!

[helpseeker]

Thank you for your advice. And thank you Purple Angel for that link. I checked it out briefly and will check it out further later. My wife does know and is threatening divorce. I guess I didnt realized it had went that far.

I have made a few calls to counselors and they all said an online support group was a good idea to start with. Since I have started making an actual effort to get help she is much more supportive. Things are getting better.

It has now been almost a week with no porn. Doesnt sound like much, but considering where I was, it's a big step.

Once again......thank you all

[Gray]

Hey man that sounds great! Congratulations.

[paranoiawilldestroyu]

You must start going to a 12-step recovery program (Sex & Love Anonymous [SLA]). Additional therapy is also a good idea.

You can't fight this alone. Good luck.

from: Incognito

Well as good O`l Dr. Phil puts it, its a personality trait and people dont change, so what we must do is replace one addiction for another that has a more positive outcome to it, we all the power to heal ourselves in matters such as this, so you simply need to take up a new hobby or stimuli to replace the one you currently have...read a book, ride a bike, spend time with your wife and kids for gods sake, get the family on bikes with wireless headsets and so communicate while riding and enjoy nature together while burning up the energy that pushes you to seek out looking at pictures of people on the internet, theres real ones that you can interact with right under the same roof, who knows you find out things about your family you never knew before.

Good Luck My friend I hope all works out for you and your family, because I feel all children should grow up having both parents together until thier out of high school at least.

L8R,
Icognito.

Pornography is as addictive as alcohol, drugs and nicotine. It causes actual changes to brain chemicals in the same way that cocaine does. It will not stop by itself. Just like addictive substances, you will need more and harder porn to keep the brain chemicals at the same level. for one u need to communicate with ur wife telling her ur going to do everything possible to save this marriage cos her and ur kids mean everything to u and not worth losing over some porn site/video 2)see a councillor/therapist together and separatly to get the help he desperatly needs. 3)go to a church if ur a christian and start attending sermons/church atleast once a week this will help to bring god in ur life and help in getting rid of any spritual issues u have with this porn addiction cos it usually is spritual as well as physical. 4)spend intimate time together just the two of u with out the kids. Whever its going out to a party, restaurant, making a romantic gesture such as make a dinner/bath bath together for u both under candle light, these are good romantic getures, going out, open communication and haveing fun together are very important in order to keep ur relationship healthy and stable otherwise u wont have that closeness, intimacy and attention to ur needs which u are obviously lacking. here are some sites I looked up which may help u and to help ur wife get pass this addiction:
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/index.htm
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/This...of_the_Wall.htm
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/Prayer.htm
http://www.firesofdarkness.com/DearHearts2.htm
http://www.no-porn.com/breaking.html
http://www.sexualintegrity.org/addiction/
http://www.pureintimacy.org/online1/

[reasontosigh]

Some of you affected by this issue might get a kick out of this picture I found:

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com...ards_dn104.jpg

[End of my rope]

[font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color]What did it take for you to finally admit your problem and seek help? I'm engaged to be married this Septmeber and my fiance is addicted to online porn. I work days and he works nights and as soon as I leave in the morning he's up and getting online to look at porn. He lies to me about it when I ask him but I see in the history and cookies that he is. I even know he's gone so far as to set up an profile on yahoo just to use to look at porn and join groups on there. He doesn't think I know...I can't marry someone who can't tell me the truth and can't be commited to me mind body and soul. I've tried to talk to him about it and he say's he'll stop...then the very next day he does it again...

He gets upset when I confront him and tells me that "It's just something guys do. We look at porn." If it was occasional it wouldn't bother me. However, it interferes with our intimate life and he's even been late to work because he's been online and couldn't seem to pry himself away...Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get him to understand he as a problem?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by End of my rope
Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get him to understand he as a problem?

Explain to him that while you understand that porn is not a threat to you personally, and that many men are capable of using porn in a healthy way, it is NOT okay for him to be dependent, addicted, or otherwise unhealthily attached to pornography. Tell him that the number one manifestation of an addiction is that it harms personal relationships. Then demonstrate that you will leave if he does not seek help.

Porn is a symptom, and it can be looked past and worked through. The lack of communication is a catalyst, and cannot. Don't let youreslf fall into the latter.

[lilvoyce7321]

If it were me I would get rid of the computer and take up a new hobby with the wife and kids: Bowling? Sounds like you got to much time on your hands.

[faux]

Originally posted by End of my rope
[font=arial][/font][color=darkblue][/color]What did it take for you to finally admit your problem and seek help? I'm engaged to be married this Septmeber and my fiance is addicted to online porn. I work days and he works nights and as soon as I leave in the morning he's up and getting online to look at porn. He lies to me about it when I ask him but I see in the history and cookies that he is. I even know he's gone so far as to set up an profile on yahoo just to use to look at porn and join groups on there. He doesn't think I know...I can't marry someone who can't tell me the truth and can't be commited to me mind body and soul. I've tried to talk to him about it and he say's he'll stop...then the very next day he does it again...

He gets upset when I confront him and tells me that "It's just something guys do. We look at porn." If it was occasional it wouldn't bother me. However, it interferes with our intimate life and he's even been late to work because he's been online and couldn't seem to pry himself away...Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to get him to understand he as a problem?

My normal stance on this issue is that I defend the right to ones own private activities viciously. However, this definitely does sound like a huge problem.

Perhaps if you took notes of what time you noticed he goes on the computer to view pornography. Perhaps you could keep track of a list of the cookies that pop up (Although please note that most of those cookies are actually invasive trackers,and can pop up from regular every-day surfing. Most tend to have names such as "sextracker".) Print out the internet history. Once you have a great deal of information you can drop it right in front of him.

Then you should explain why you feel it is a problem. Also, be sure to explain what you think would be acceptable. I'm thinking if he kept it private and did it on his own time a few times a week maybe, paid attention to you, and be honest enough to admit that yes he does look at porn.

I think that the viewing should be private, but he seems indeed to be doing it excessively, and I don't see any reason why he has to lie and says he isn't doing it at all. If you know that he's joining such groups, and it is going to help you prove your point, get hard copied information to prove to him you know what's going on.

[jennifer2174]

porn addiction/sex addiction has increased. i never knew it could be an addiction/compulsion until i found out that my live in bf had this problem. i didn't know about his addiciton until after he moved in with me, had i known this before, he would have never moved in and i may not be in the situation i am right now.

As far as how bad someone's addiction is, depends on what you feel when you use porn, how much time, and how much money, or how you access the porn.

My bf would get a hold of his aunts, mom's or brothers credit cards and use them without their knowledge until they rec'd the bill. that is how i first found about about his addiction-he got a hold of one of my credit cards. i could not belive that he was an addict. he is such a nice, sweet, gentle human being, with a good respectable job, and his addiction has consumed his life.

His addiction started out with magazines, to porn movies, to phone sex, to internet....and now apparently he likes to search for mates and pretend he is going to meet with them. I pretty much have one foot out the door, but its kinda hard to break up with someone when you live with each other and your apartment lease is not up until july, and i do love him, but i have given him to many chances and i don't think he is ready to change or give up his compulsion/addiction.

to answer the question of how to break out of the addiction cycle, you will need to seek the advice of a therapist. there is an underlying reason as to why people seek out porn. just like there is an underlying reason why people drink or do drugs. it might be a long road to follow, but it is the only way to recover completely.

my bf tried to recover. he has gone to therapists, and has even been to a therapists that deals with sex addiction, but he only went for a few sessions. i don't know why he stopped. the sessions might either be too painful or he himself may not want to stop his addiction.

there are also support groups out there for those who are sex addictions (sex and love addicts aka SLA) and support groups for those in relationships with a sex addict (cosa-codependents of sex addicts). i'm pretty sure if you do a search on the internet you can find the website and find the group closer to your residence.

i don't want to break up with him. i love him, and i want to give him another chance, but i've given him too many, and the fact that he is now "pretending" to meet other woman, is getting a bit psychologically disturbing. he won't meet these women, b/c he lies to them about what he does for a living, his degree, where he lives, etc....to make himself look better....

if anybody has any feed back on what i should do please share. (fyi-i'm 29 years old. and my bf is 31).