[anyonebutme]

Hello everyone! Long time browser, first time poster here.

Ok without further ado, my situation:

I’m 19 and in college. I’ve recently been on a couple of dates with a girl that I really like, and its gone well, we’ve clicked and all. However she has quite some baggage: she recently (around two months ago) broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years. Whilst she really likes me (she hasn’t told me but it seems clear to me), we’ve discussed things and she said because she was with her ex a long time she couldn’t imagine being with anyone at the moment. That’s cool- I am a big fan of having time to discover yourself (I guess it comes easy for me as I’m young and eternally single) and since she was involved in such a long relationship when really young she needs the time: in fact it makes me respect her even more and reassures me that liking her was a good thing, as she could have easily jumped into rebound mode (note that I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend and that they recently broke up; although I’ve known her for several months she’s never disclosed that info to me before until I asked. even though we’re really open, perhaps she was trying not to burn bridges with me). Anyway time’s ok with me- I’m 19, very aware of myself and happy with being single; but strong instinct tells me shes worth waiting for: shes incredibly smart, sweet, modest, and compassionate. Now when I say waiting I probably don’t mean waiting and hoping only for her, but remain open to the idea that we may be close in future.

So after all that my questions would be that I know its different for each person, but what rough sense of time would you think she needs to be fully healed? We see each other a lot at college so I guess as friends I should try to act as previous: fun and charming, but be sensitive that she might be tentative to do things together alone even as friends? And how will I know when she is ready… she’s shy (I know I’m stereotyping a bit), so will she be brave enough as a girl to tell me the guy?

Thanks for listening =)

PS she’s actually still friends with her ex: this is mainly due to them coming form the same friendship circle I guess: will this prolong the healing period?

[yagottahelp]

Not that I'm saying that she'll go running back to him if they are still friends, but unless there is evidence she is complllletely over him, I'd be weary. When people break up in my opinion, they break up. I mean sure they may be friends 2 years down the road, but you don't just say ok, we aren't dating, but we're gonna be friends and just live with it and both be ok with it, i just don't think it happens.

As far as waiting, if you are happy being single, then go for it. I mean if a date comes up with someone, I wouldn't pass it up, meet new people, but you don't have to necessarily get into a hot and heavy relationship.

As long as he's around with her, it'll take forever for them to heal. It sounds like they came together from high school, and honestly, if it was a lonnnnng high school, relationship, there's a huge bond there. It's possible no matter how hard you try, you'd never match that bond that's made between people after growing up together for 3 years, nothing you ever did, but it just happens.

I'd say keep your eyes open for her, but don't limit yourself. You might pass up someone that was the one.