[ASDFJKL]

I've pretty much been together with this guy for four months. Things are getting pretty serious and I care about him a lot. He says he feels the same way, but the other day when we were fighting he told me he simply can't trust me. He says he pretty much doesn't believe most of the things I say. I think I know why he feels this way. First of all, I am not the most open person in the world with him; I wish I knew why. When we talk, it's mostly him talking and me asking questions. When it comes down to me talking, I actually feel UNCOMFORTABLE...which is bizarre, because I shouldn't. I feel like he just doesn't care about my problems as much as he says he does. Second, he also says I hide things about myself, my past, and my guy friends (who he had some jealously issues with)...does he really want me to spill all? I feel like I only need to tell him the stuff that matters. Why bother telling him something unimportant if it's just going to hurt him? Third, I think he thinks I lie about a lot of things, which I don't. I have bad luck. Most of the time it's because of a misunderstanding...or if it's something in the past I might have forgotten all the details so it sounds like I'm lying. So basically we've got a relationship that is all about him. I know a lot about him because he shares things...he doesn't know much about me because I don't. I feel this ties in with trust. So...

1) Why exactly am I so uncomfortable with talking to him about my problems?
2) What can I do to earn his trust, which is obviously the most important thing in a relationship? How can I fix things?

Thanks...sorry this post is a little confusing. But I am confused...

[yes]

question for you:
why do you want to be with a guy you're not comfortable talking to? are you comfortable talking to other people?

-yes

[PurpleAngel]

[color=violet][font=arial]First of all I need to ask, how was your relationship with your parent, did you feel you could talk to them or were you constantly keeping things form them and perhaps at times lying to them. I would think about that and see if there is any correlation.

Secondly, there is not reason for you to tell him about your past sexual partners, its in the past and its best you keep it there. You need to make it clear to him that he needs to trust you in that area, that you WOULD tell him if there was anything about your past that would affect him. There is no point bring something up that will be of detriment to you both at this very delicate time. He needs to grow trust not more resentment.

Thirdly, this thing about you having ‘bad luck’ and not remembering things well, perhaps you should try a little harder at remembering things. Remember if its not important to you, it doesn’t mean it is not important to him OK. BUT having said this if this is what you are like, forgetful, then he needs to accept this part of you and try to understand that this is just the way you are and you are not lying about anything.

I believe there are two issues here, he needs to be more understanding of you and who you are, as a person, and your character and perhaps you need to be more open with him. Explain to him why it is that, for example, you got a piece of information wrong… make everything crystal clear. He will need to get over it an accept you for who you are, but one thing is true, you need to be more comfortable talking to him and being more open in general. It will take time but there must be a reason and its important you understand it so that you can heal it.

Think about what you learnt from your parents about interacting with a partner… think about that. How were they with one another? How where you with them? etc…

Good Luck!
~PurpleAngel~
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[ThisGirlNameKD]

PurpleAngel gave great advice. And in addition to your parents, think about any past intimate relationships you have had. Were you involved with a guy that you've spilled everything out to and he turned his back on you? Lack of communication can tear a relationship apart, and it seems like both of you have two different communication styles. Some people are an open book, and some people are a closed book. But it you want to have an intimate relationship, both parties need to take one another's make up into consideration. If you're uncomfortable having certain discussions with him, such as your sexual history, you need to make that verbally clear to him. Let him know what you're willing to discuss and what you're not. And on the other hand, if you're not a talky, talky, let-you-know-all-about-me-type, he has to respect and accept that side of you.