My Girlfriend and I have been dating for two years and living with each other for 1 and a half. She now tells me she wants space. She told me that she is not ready. She also told me "I have everything I have ever dreamed for, but it is too early." Well, it seems to me that I have done everything right on my side. She cares about me and even saids she still loves me. So I am moving out and putting in the 30 days at my apartment. I think it is the best idea. But, I love her with all of my heart. I guess giving her space is the best thing to do. Do you have any suggestions? She tells me that any girl would love to have me. Including some of her friends. I thought that was strange. Should I call her while we are apart? Or should I let her call me? I am so confused and want the best for her. But, I am really hurting and now am seeing counsling for myself. I thought I needed to do that.
If you've been smothering her, that's something no human being wants to happen to her.
Stop calling her so often, keep the calls short...ten to 15 minutes maximum...don't call her predictably (vary the days and times), when you call, be the first to end the conversation, don't ask her out everytime you call her, don't accept invitations everytime she wants to see you (tell her you're busy or you've got other plans), don't return her calls immediately...give her some time to wonder what you're up to.
If you want to spark some desire and passion on her part, you've got to back off, be a bit aloof, by unpredictable, and stay out of her face. If she wants space, give it to her.
You can love somebody and not be on top of them 24/7. This is something you're going to have to learn if you want a relationship with a healthy human being. Now, if you want a chick with a lot of head problems and insecurities...those won't mind if you're up against them all the time...but they won't make you very happy.
I agree with Tony-in my experiences, space works wonders. There is such a thing as loving someone too much unfortunately-
Make sure you make her take space, when my gf wanted space she told me she wanted space, then called to hangout everyday for a month-I felt bad but just said no sometimes so I made her take space
I'm thinking I need to do the same in my situation.......however, alot of you said that you think it's BS how she wants to take a week away from each other. I'm kinda confused........unfortunately, where I live, I don't have alot of intelligent people around me to give good advice.
Their advice is always "if she wants space, then she's cheatin on ya!"
I'm giving her a week like she wants, but it's killing me. I think I have a 50/50 chance at this point, but I have a bad feeling that she willl want to date around and not want me back.
I just hope that I'll be able to get over her and move on easier than I feel now. It's gonna be rought trying to date again, and trying not to think about her.
Doc, read my response to your comment on my posting. Thanks again for the advice.
Although when a girl wants space, she may be cheating on you, I mean heck she could be doing it during the relationship-I don't think that is true at all. I think that just because a girl says that doesn't mean that necessarily.
Now if she says she wants space and hangs out with some guy everyday and night during that time, well then there ya go.......
A good way to look at it is she going to her guy friends to talk to them because she's upset? or going and making out with them.......that should give you a pretty good indication
Lucky for me, she's staying with a female friend whose been in a serious relationship for awhile like us. I don't have to worry about her chasing after guys with this girl.
Another good thing as of today......
I took her a teddy bear that I gave her along time ago, and put it in her car at work. (which says alot, cause she knows I had to sneak out of work and drive 30min. away to do that) I also left her a card that said some really good things in it. In addition, I put in a CD with the song "You are my sunshine". Co-incidentally, that is her nickname on most email and pc stuff....."a kiss of sunshine" , so that was a wise choice and gave a nice simple sweet meaning.
I called her friend that she's staying with, and she said that Tammy already had called her and told her. Apparently, my little sneaky task was a major big plus. Luckily her friend is being really cool and going to think of some advice to give me tomorrow.
Another thing that she said would be a plus that I already arranged before I talked to her is having delivered a dozen roses to her work. It will make a pretty big scene given the enviroment she works in, but when it's something love related, she likes that.
I really hope I've played my cards right, and everything is going to fall back together just right.
I told her today that I still want her to take as much time as she needed, but I do miss her and will wait.
I'm finally starting to have a good feeling about this
Doc,
In your situation, I'm not sure if the same thing I did would be good or not. My girlfriend really like to be romanced. In your case, you already took a huge step of moving out. I guess if you want her, you could sorta do like I've done, and drop her a sweet line sometime, or send some flowers......yet still insist that you aren't pressuring, just trying to be sweet.
I think that drives them nuts in a good way and it's not trying to make them feel guilty, it's showing them that you really can be sweet and do care.
Toydeluxe, wouldn't that be crowding her by sending flowers and stuff? I mean she is wanting space. If you do that it looks like you are trying to hard. I am going to go roll with the punches. I think she may be talking to another guy with these problems. Which sucks. It is pretty obvious this guy has own problems. He has a girlfriend with 2 kids and is 24, his girlfriend just turned 21. I mean why would a girl be interested in that? Anyway, it isn't looking good and it is frustrating as hell. She keeps telling me she may need to date other people or not. But when she saids she needs to date other people she starts crying? I don't understand that, I thought I would be the one crying. Either way let her hookup with this guy and if I am still around, great! But there is a good chance I won't.
I was sorta thinking about that......I'm not sure if it'd be crowding her or not. I've got til tomorrow to decide.
I talked to her friend that day after she got the teddy bear and stuff. I told her friend about ordering flowers and she thought that was agood idea and that she was going to recommend it as well. She said the teddy thing was a real big plus with Tammy and that she really appreciated it. I hope that means something good. She was sorta in a hurry and said she's think of some advice to give me until next ime I talked to her. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens.
What do I do? I think another reason for all of this, is because she lost alot of weight. I think she wants to go out and hit on guys again. If that is the case, that sucks! I mean I was there when she was overweight. I loved her because of her not her body. So she is going to run into guys at the bar and find out she is being taken for her body and not her mind. How can I bring this up to her?
ok let her have space....listen to me I was in a kinda same situation.....And its kinda odd when she says n e girl would like to have you, not to scare u but to me that makes it seem like shes gonna break it off.....But just let her call u....trust me on this its for the best
I screwed up big time. She found out that I checked her email at home. She told me we have no trust in the relationship. She is right, she has cheated on me in the past. I guess it is now over.
I feel good about what I did. She seemed very scared and lonely when I left this morning. She asked me if things work out she wants to hang out with our friends together. I told her if we get back together we need to see a couples counsler together. She agreed to that. I think I am going to be OK. Thank You everyone for your replys and help. -Doc
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Giving space to my girlfriend
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