[Heidi2]

I have this *411* dilemma I guess you could say about trusting anyone and anything.... I'm not sure how to get rid of such hardships.. but here's some background of which *you* could go with....

I've had/have many friends which I've discussed many a thing(s) with, but for whatever reason after seeming to pull teeth out of those needed to know questions about whatever.. It's eventually come out that they feel they can't come out and tell me what they would/want to say... because for whatever reason they feel I'd be upset & or take it the wrong way..

Now, although I must admit that I *could* be a very emotional person at times.. The thing is these same people which tell me these things.. on the same breath say that I'm:::: very nice (( nicer than most people they know)) and that they feel they could tell me anything about anyone.. but just not about me, or questions I have for them.... I'm not sure if this makes any sense whatsoever..but it's been driving me crazy to date.. in knowing how to change for thee entire better of everyone.. and especially myself...

Also, I feel that with all of this I've been taking advantage of to the point where it takes month(s) for some people to express what they want to tell me.. in that whatever it may be... is like icing on the cake of a, one, several nights, trying to sort things through.. alone.

Even at my work.. I feel as though people sometimes walk all over me.. not in a mad way per se.. but in that it's a hands-on customer-oriented 101 part-time job.. it's as though when something needs/should be done.. I'm the first one to be called on.. while in a way everyone sits and does nothing.. or watches me with chatty mouths.

In that I want to change/ know what I am doing wrong.. so that hopefully I can become a better/happier person.. I seriously don't know where to start.. I guess you could say I've started.. by understanding/waking up to the point where I've realized these mystical entities about myself.. inner/outer.. But I still feel as though I owe myself a new/brighter image which people will not only be shocked per se about, but also in that I am a person with numerous feelings.. and deserve to know the truth, and nothing but...

Thanks for listening,