For the past 2 years I have been seeing this great girl, everything I could ever want in a lady. We are both in college and both pretty poor. i took her from her bf who doesnt seem to have the same money problems that I like most college students have cause hes 8 years older than I. She also has a 4 year old kid(by a diff guy)
Well She graduated a year before me, and has to actually enter into the real world. She moved back to her home city and her parents tell her that she can't live with them. Shes pretty poor and can't afford to live in a place and be able to take a her little girl with her. Her ex having all the money in the world basically says that he will buy her a new home, car etc..... Stuff that Im light years away from. Sure I would if I could but I just can't.
She constantly asks me what to do. I can not help her cause this is just so above my head I want to stay with her but I don't see how the 2 of us could afford a place for me to live($600 college town) and then on top of that a place for her to stay($1200 bigger city). SO I told her, that if hes offering to do so much for you and, you feel that it is so imperative that you stay with your lil girl. Then I guess you should be with him(It hurts me so much to say that but I dont know what else to say) cause he can afford the things you need.
Im looking for any advice or ray of light or anything, to be able to stay with her, I mean its not a closed case I just need a solution or atleast a grain of hope? Any advice? Thanks
I hate to sound like a cold hearted b****, but unless you two are married, this is not your problem.
She graduated from college, yes? With a degree, yes? I'm unclear on why she is now unable to support herself and her daughter. Yes, it can be expensive in the big city, but if she can't make that much with her degree, she should live somewhere less expensive. There are a million and one places to live that have lower rent than a big city.
It is not your job to provide her with a roof. While it is very nice of you to consider it, please remember that she does have a degree. She has earning potential. Thousands and thousands of single moms out there (many without college degrees) are perfectly capable of putting roofs over their children's heads.
Why is this ex still in the picture after you've been with her for two years? I think it awfully low class and crappy of her to be comparing you to him after all this time, and that he could get her a place or whatever. That's bull. That tells me she is after a guy who will support her and take care of her. If that's the kind of girl you want, fine. You can steal her back from him in a year when you graduate and are making money. And unless she's living in NYC, she can get a small one bedroom for much less than $1200. (If she is in NYC, she can move to New Jersey and be right across the river for much cheaper.)
Like I said...not your responsibility right now. Let her make her own decision.
She still talks to him but he lives very far away, I mean hes an ok guy I guess he never treated her bad or anything. Its just that she is more happy with me I guess its personality, sex or something to that affect who knows. She still talks to him etc.(not an everyday thing maybe once or twice a month or less) Which I dont have a problem with, she doesnt go out with him or anything like that.
She is going to medical school, which starts in the fall, and doesnt have any schorlarship or anything. SO she has to take out loans, which is 10k a year for school, and on top of that 12k for a years worth of living expenses atleast. thats 22k a year for 4 years thats like 90k ballpark.
Its not my responsibility but I mean her and I have been through rough times ourselves, and are very close. We have taken care of each other for the past 2 years. Not like its one sided. I dont have a problem taking care of her because I expect the same back from her.
Is it wrong for me to want to help her out, I mean me paying for her is out of the question there is no way in hell I can do that.... I just want to know are there any options or advice on what she can do to make it happen.
If I am following your post, she had a child with one guy, then dated the guy you are calling her ex. She then spent 2 years seeing you and all was great except that now she needs to be with someone who can pay her bills. So she's willing to dump you and reconcile with the ex because he's got money and you don't.
Sounds like the only way you stand a chance is if you can buy your way back into her life. And why would you want to do that????
Ok first of all, I could be talking out my butt here being I have never went to college, but being that she is a student, could she not apply for student housing? My last rental was from a University Rental Company. I must have lived 15 miles away from the partying college life.
OR.... Depending on what she earns a year, how about low income housing? (I've seen these, and they are suprisingly very nice, much nicer than mine and I pay $700/mo.)
Second, if you have been together for two years why can't the two of you find an "in between" place and live together?
My question to you is "Is there a reason why she has to live in the big city"?
If not, could this woman be so used to having the better things in life, the things that she had with her ex, that she is not facing the reality of what she can afford now?
(No offense, I received the reality check myself after my divorce).
If she has a child, AND is in school, all states have ALL kinds of assistance programs to help people in her exact position...has she checked into this...sounds like you are a REAL nice guy and she is being a REAL b****....
if she is comparing you to someone who can support her better, let her go, she is not after love to start with...love knows no monetary boundaries...
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