My boyfriend and I have been talking about moving in together for about 4-5 months now. About a month ago, we decided that we would move in together this summer, before school starts. About 2 weeks ago I started applying for jobs in his area, which is about 2 hours from me. I have started getting calls for interviews, and now, he says that we "might be rushing into this"... He says he loves more than ever, and that he really does want to live with me, but his friends and family tell him he's rushing into things, and he doesn't want to make another mistake---so he's thinking that maybe we should wait to move in together.... We've been dating about a year and a half, and we've known one another for almost 5 years... Is it just cold feet? or is it a commitment red flag that i should pay attention to??
Most likely it's a committment thing which is very definitely a red flag. If it's actually influence of his friends and family, that's very definitely a red flag too. You certainly don't need a man who can't make decisions for himself.
Looks like you've boxed yourself into a corner. Now, your decision isn't when to move in with him but when to go look for a man who has a stable mind, who is mature, who keeps his word, and who loves you enough to talk things out with you instead of his buddies.
I certainly thank you for your reply Tony!! It bothers me too, especially when his family is spread out ---2-4 hours from us. I told him that "they" won't be living with us, and as I am happy that they feel comfortable enough to voice their opinions, they are only "their opinions" we only see them on holidays and special occassions, and they shouldn't dictate our happiness.... I just talked to my boyfriend on the phone and he asked when my interview was this week for a job I had applied for. I told him that I called and told them I wasn't interested in the position, and he said "why did you do that, I thought you wanted that job" and I told him that I didn't want a job that was 2 hours from me... He said he "hasn't made up his mind, and that I should still be looking for work out there"........ but his insecurities are really scaring me.......
Originally posted by Tony Most likely it's a committment thing which is very definitely a red flag. If it's actually influence of his friends and family, that's very definitely a red flag too. You certainly don't need a man who can't make decisions for himself.
Now, what in this situation could be changed if the man seriously had a case of cold feet? I'm asking, because of the amount of detail she gave, I don't think an honest opinion could be stated. So, given what she said, what could be added to make you say, "well it seems like he just has cold feet, and maybe needs some more time"?
Or are you suggesting once a man has said, yes lets move in, then he has no valid recourse for backing out?
I wouldn't need to ask strangers???? I thought that what was this site was for--- to get help......... guess not.......... sorry i made a post....
I was simply asking for advice, I don't want anyone to "fix" my problems---just asking if I was being nieve, stupid, blind or something..... I will fix my problems on my own, but sometimes it helps to get a 3rd parties view on things....... geez, excuse me!!!!
Unless he lives in some great city with lots of opportunity. Why didn't he move to your neck of the woods?
I'm not sure what you meant by "and he doesn't want to make another mistake". If he made a mistake with somebody else, that should have nothing to do with your relationship! And I would make that clear to him.
Personally I would be more than a little upset. Especially after knowing you 5 years. As the song says, "If you don't know me by now..."
Yeah RC don't worry about that, I don't think Neonink meant anything bad by it. You are asking stangers about it, just like I'm talking to some strangers about their problems. In all honesty i really can't tell from your post what the situation is. If he's been very gung-ho about this before, and all of a sudden he's holding up, i'd say cold feet. If he's been hesitant in the past, this might not be the direction he wants it to go in.
Hey T man, I'm still waiting for an answer? Why so quiet?
Well, I had a job interview near his hometown yesterday, a great job opportunity!! They said they would call all 3 of us interviewed by Friday!!
Well, after spending the past 2 days up there, I really think it was just a case of cold feet. He seems to be back where he needs to be on the moving in issue.
He cant' move to me because he owns a business in that town. It would be much easier for me to move than him to move to me!!
Good luck RC. It is definatley a big step, and things may get a little weird, or different for a while, but hang in there. I moved in with my boyfreind for a month in january, then went back to school and we are living together again. GOod luck
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Cold Feet
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