So it's over - again. And I think this time it's for real. I don't think either of us has any more fight left in us.
We got back together about a month ago, and a couple weeks later I found out about him sending some emails to his ex back in the beginning of our relationship, where he was telling her he loved her and they were obviously not broken up. But he was going through some rough stuff and he couldn't cope with everything, so I gave him time to get his head straight before we talked about it.
Yesterday I got tired of waiting. I sent him a bunch of texts (which sucks, but it was a LD and he won't talk on the phone) telling him I was done. When he woke up and saw them, he begged me not to end things. I pressed the issue of the conversation we had pending. I told him I couldn't just let go something like that without discussing it because I felt like he'd played me.
After the whole afternoon texting back and forth during which time he told me he loved me no less than four times, and he admitted to being afraid of talking about the subject, he finally cracked. He told me this wasn't what he wanted out of a relationship, that I was amazing, and I'd find someone perfect for me.
I agreed. And just like that... it ended. I feel so empty, so sad.
I know he isn't with his ex, but it hurts that despite everything he didn't love me enough to talk things out. He chose to just run away instead of overcoming his fear and talking.
Arabella
Last edited by Arabella; 22nd November 2009 at 9:51 AM..
I know. I was warned by so many people, and deep down I knew they were right. But I wanted to believe he could do better... that he was willing to.
I still can't believe he walked away because he was too afraid to talk about what he had done. It's just... amazing. He spent two weeks promising that we would talk about it soon, that he -wanted- to.
Sorry to hear about all this.
At least now you know and can really move on.
Might not sound like the sort of thing you want to hear right now, but it will become important as you go through NC and the 'what if' pops into your head.
Wishing you speedy healing.
__________________
Important things in a relationship (in order):
#1.Communication #2.Trust #3.Honesty #4.Love
Truth is that 1-4 leads to the next yet they are all the same thing.
I sent him a couple texts a few minutes ago just expressing my disbelief about what happened last night and saying that I hoped he was alright. He's been through a lot lately (to the point he's threatened suicide) and I was genuinely concerned about his state of mind.
He texts me back almost right away saying that he was drunk and high on pills last night and doesn't remember anything we talked about. I forwarded a couple of the texts he sent me last night back to him and he acted like they were news to him, then apologized. I asked him if he meant them and he said "I don't think so".
What the heck? Honestly, I'm not sure if he's telling the truth or he just had a change of heart and he's using this as an excuse.
At this point, I'm not sure either is a good thing. I have half a mind to look up his parent's phone number and give them a call...
Sounds like you have gotten something that myself and many have not...a second chance AND closure. Not sure how many chances your heart can handle after break-up #2 but good luck to you and do keep us posted.
I am just shocked at how many people attempt reunions with their exes. Just shocked. Second chances are almost never a good idea. They almost never work out, cause lots of pain, and sometimes waste years of their lives going back and forth with someone they clearly are all wrong for.
I'm not really sure if I've gotten closure. As of right now, he's acting like that conversation never happened. It felt kind of tense though... so I believe he's lying about having been drunk & high and he was just using it as an excuse. It's not like he wouldn't have seen the million of texts we sent back and forth that afternoon... lol.
At this point, since I get a do-over, I don't know if I want to go through with the break up or give him some more time. He knows I don't forgive & forget easily and he'll eventually have to talk if he wants to fix things...
Reunions can work if you are right for each other, if you haven't grown apart too far, aren't incompatible, I took my ex back twice and we had 9 more happy years.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ADF
I am just shocked at how many people attempt reunions with their exes. Just shocked. Second chances are almost never a good idea. They almost never work out, cause lots of pain, and sometimes waste years of their lives going back and forth with someone they clearly are all wrong for.
sorry to hear this happened arabella. i know i went thru it w my ex like that also -the getting back together only to fall apart again. over, and over, and over.rrr
hmm
my thoughts are if only after a month! and this is going on, how goods it going to get. is he going to magically smarten up over night? doubt it no offense. what you got is more or less what you can prob expect!
The only reason why I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt is that he is mentally ill and I know that he has been through some rough stuff lately.
However, I am beginning to think that it's hopeless to wait. He doesn't seem to want to get better and every time we speak, he tells me of his newest (and usually life-threatening) exploit. It's very difficult for me to watch him self-destruct.
I love him, but I'm not sure there's any point in waiting anymore...?
A good book might be "Co Dependent No More". the reason I mention it is because 1. I am reading it and 2. It will help you realize that you CAN NOT fix him. His illness can be for many more years or for a lifetime and it is one of the hardest struggles you can be on. Finding happiness in him being better and ultimately loving you is a dead end emotionally. Just do a lot of reading and understand your need to fix and be loved. We ALL want to be loved. But we have to pick ones who are capable of loving us back just the same as we love them. Not this out of balance thing.
The 18 years I was with him don't feel wasted to me, I'm glad we had 18 years together Many relationships/marriages don't last anywhere near that long, I've only seen about 4 other posts on this site with very long relationships/marriages
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Linear Mode
