[adiaz]

I am new here and I need advice; I am nervous too even though this is quite anonymous.

I met my husband of 8years back in high school. He was a grade up and we got married right after I graduated after 2 years of dating and 3 of knowing each other. My parents weren't happy about it but as the years went by, they were quickly proven wrong by the strength of our marriage, dedication and love. 3 years after we first said I do, we had our son and 2 years later, our daughter was born.

Most of our marriage was okay and we dealt with our problems on our own. Recently, we moved to another state and other issues (jealousy, lack of trust and controlling behavior) crept up. It became so bad that after my husband sat me down and checked my emails and facebook as I watched, I left for my parents house. I have never cheated on my husband and he is the only man I have ever been with. Sex is great, the kids are taken care of and when I can I cook or order out and the house is clean.

After I left for my parents, we talked a lot and he admitted that in the week I had been gone, he'd met a girl who'd cooked and gave him food (once), came to our home and once she went to his work and tried to kiss him and off course (insert snicker here) he pushed her away. He begged me to come back, my family and friends pressured and I came back. He promised he never did anything with her and I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

My hubby is as internet and tech savvy as I am and chances of me catching him red handed are slim. But When I asked him if he'd spoken to the woman, he admitted it (last time being a week ago). That I know of, she's called him at least 3 times and they spoke. It hurts me and I feel like maybe there is more going on. My gut is telling me not to trust or believe him- specially because of how defensive he gets when I talk about her and question him.

So, this morning, I gave him an ultimatum (he has until midnight tonight) he either calls her- with me on the line and tells her that I am on the line and to never call him again OR I am leaving- FOR GOOD ( I mean it 10000%) He said he can't do that at first, then he called me at work and said that he doesn't have her number but will do it next time she calls and now he is trying to buy time by telling me about our financial issues and how I don't appreciate him (lol!).

What should I do? Am I wrong? Please help?


(sorry for such a long post)

[whichwayisup]

He is gaslighting you (the "you don't appreciate me, blah blah blah) and isn't ready to face his consquences.

You know what? Screw it.. YOU KNOW something is wrong, he's doing something totally inappropriate, whether it be an emotional affair (EA) or a physical affair (PA) with this girl. If he isn't willing to say goodbye to her NOW, then KICK HIM out of the house. He needs to suffer consquences of his choices..Right now he's in denial, desparation mode, and in an affair-fog, so he really isn't seeing the full picture here.

[JamesM]

At the point that he began checking YOUR emails is when I began to be suspicious that HE was cheating.

So often when a guy or gal cheats, he or she realizes that if he or she can get away with it, than so can his or her partner.

My guess is that there is more to the story that what he told you.

Why would he bother to tell you about the girl who cooked for him? Or rather why should he sound like it is cheating? And why add that she tried to kiss him...unless he may be afraid that SHE will tell you a different story?

As so often is true, your gut tells you something for a reason.

[adiaz]

Hi Way, Hi James.

I totally agree. He thinks I am dumb to fall for it (his mother stayed with his dad even though he cheated in the 30 years they've been married and has 4 kids on the side). But I am not the kind who stay for the kids or to give it a chance. I will never cheat, I work just as hard as he does if not more and at the end of the day, no matter of tired I am, I give him the best sex of his life (BJ included)

Is the way I am going about this (an ultimatum I will NOT compromise on) the right way to go? I am not afraid to be alone because I can take care of myself and my kids but I am just so scared. Is it normal?

[65tr6]

Originally Posted by adiaz

What should I do? Am I wrong? Please help?

He calls her or sends an NC note out (email is good) by tonight. Email is preferred. He does that in front of you.

And then he tells you EVERYTHING about what he did.

By the way, have a back up plan, if he does not do what you ask him to do. Find out about the girl(s) that he has been with/talking to and expose him. Usually works very well with wayward husbands.

[adiaz]

Originally Posted by 65tr6

He calls her or sends an NC note out (email is good) by tonight. Email is preferred. He does that in front of you.

And then he tells you EVERYTHING about what he did.

By the way, have a back up plan, if he does not do what you ask him to do. Find out about the girl(s) that he has been with/talking to and expose him. Usually works very well with wayward husbands.

It's gonna be hard to find evidence online and via his contacts as a salesman, he has loads of contacts but I am leaving if he doesn't do what I ask (call her with me on the line and tells her that I am on the line and to **** off)
He just called me now and got pissed saying that he won't do "this" anymore that he will make the decision for me, blah, blah, blah. U know the reaction of people in the wrong. I lost all respect and love for this man. I am done with him.