I had a discussion with a friend last summer...she was frustrated because she said that almost all men view her as "wife material" and she never get to have any adventures and great sex. FYI, she's married but things are going really bad between the two of them. She is a beautiful woman from Columbia and she turns heads everywhere she goes. Everyone is asking her out for a date and when she has a date everyone wants her to become their girlfriend or wife or woman of their dreams. And she pretty much hates this...
So she was telling me this. And she asked me how I feel about me and how men view me. And it was exactly the opposite. Things get heated so quickly when I'm alone with a man that they see "sex" in me and then they can't get me out of their minds if they don't get to sleep with me. I consider myself also very good-looking, and exotic since I'm from Greece but living in Sweden...so I'm exotic for the Swedes. But I've sort of had enough of this...
Me and my friend are very similar but yet different in respect to looks, she's the nice blondie and I'm the nice brunette, both high educated, she in history, me in engineering, are both very open minded, we want to live life to the full. The difference is that she's been married for 7 years since she was 22 years old, and I've been single for 2,5 years. Guys see her as wife material, guys see me as sex material.
I'm wondering, how does one project this to the outer world? Is "SEX" written on my head? Or why the hell does it become all heated and stuff everytime I meet a guy? Even though I might not have sex or any physical contact at ALL, the whole atmosphere is loaded with the thought "sex"...I'm not so flirty when I meet a guy. We have interesting discussions about everything in life. So I don't know what it is.
I just think that maybe the fault is me at the end of the day. I have plans to date guys now without letting them to touch me. For some reason, I think they will go nuts.
What is it in a person that projects "wife" or "sex"?
Jerry Hall said that men want a chef in the kitchen, a wife in the house and a whore in the bedroom.
it seems we have to be all things to all men....
or maybe men have become so confused since women became emancipated, that they don't know what they want any more, because women are slowly encroaching on their territory... be it predatory, be it professional, be it ambitious.....
we don't need men.
they are in fact, redundant.
if we seriously want children, we have enough sperm in banks to re-populate this planet countless times.
Technology and engineering dictates that much of what men physically do, is no longer necessary. machines have replaced brawn and muscle.
And women are working in hitherto male-dominated services.... truck drivers, fire officers, police officers, the military.....
So they go for the sex.
They can still f*c*k.
They can still satisfy a woman in more fulfilling ways than latex and batteries can....
Although it's close.....
It's still only a substitute.
but it's the only area in which they can still exert some presence.
because the bottom line is, that women are more emotional creatures than men, when it comes to 'coupling'.
we still input an emotionally vested interest.
Men do too, but less so.
I really do believe we're wired differently, in some ways, but almost identically in others.
And this is why men - up until relatively recently - have been visually aroused, but women have turned to Mills and Boon.
Now, more and more women are enjoying porn - and more and more men are having sexual issues....
see how pendulum swing, like a pendulum do...?
Unfortunately, all this may not help your situation.
I'm just trying to shed a little light - in some areas - with what ultimately, is only my POV.....
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You two should go on some double dates and watch how the other interacts with men. That's what men are basing their opinions on. A woman could be beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, rich... but none of that matters more than how she presents herself, and how men perceive her own self worth. We men LOVE a nice easy target... but it's hard to look over at some drunk chick on the other side of the bed, who just had your cock in her mouth two hours after meeting you, and think "Wow, now that's the kind of woman I want to be the mother of my children".
Projection and perception. She seems harder to get, so she must be "worth" more. Taramaiden is right, men want their women to act like whores in the bedroom... but we also want to know that they are only our "whores" and not spreading it around the whole damn town.
What's really interesting here is that your friend is the one who is generally viewed as good relationship material, even though she is the married one who is already cheating on one relationship.
You two should go on some double dates and watch how the other interacts with men. That's what men are basing their opinions on. A woman could be beautiful, intelligent, highly educated, rich... but none of that matters more than how she presents herself, and how men perceive her own self worth. We men LOVE a nice easy target... but it's hard to look over at some drunk chick on the other side of the bed, who just had your cock in her mouth two hours after meeting you, and think "Wow, now that's the kind of woman I want to be the mother of my children".
Projection and perception. She seems harder to get, so she must be "worth" more. Taramaiden is right, men want their women to act like whores in the bedroom... but we also want to know that they are only our "whores" and not spreading it around the whole damn town.
What's really interesting here is that your friend is the one who is generally viewed as good relationship material, even though she is the married one who is already cheating on one relationship.
I do think it's something each of you are projecting and if you don't like the result, then you probably need to do a little soul-searching to see what the underlying issue might be. Sometimes what we fear most is what we get. So it may be your friend's biggest fear to be viewed in the way she is - and, presto - that's what she gets. Personally, I think guys are just being respectful of her and there's really nothing odd about them being so attracted to her that they want to spend their lives with her. If that translates into boring sex, though, I don't know why that would happen. It's very possible to be married and have great sex. In your case, you may simply be dressing too provocatively or projecting a raw sexual energy that men are attracted to. That's not a bad thing, either, but if you are sexy and if you do dress in a sexy way, then don't be surprised if you get noticed for that.
I have to disagree with the above post that men have become obsolete. Neither male nor female will ever become obsolete, or unnecessary, to the other gender. Even if relationships do get skewed and seem convoluted most of the time, nothing can replace human touch, nothing can replace the strong connection that love and attraction can produce. That won't ever go away.
In your case, you may simply be dressing too provocatively or projecting a raw sexual energy that men are attracted to. That's not a bad thing, either, but if you are sexy and if you do dress in a sexy way, then don't be surprised if you get noticed for that..
Valid point. Let's play Devil's Advocate...and her response:
"You can't tell me how to dress! Its my right!! If I want to wear something sexy, I'll do it...I don't need your PERMISSION or APPROVAL to do what I WANT, wherever I go!"
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Originally Posted by Angel1111
I have to disagree with the above post that men have become obsolete. Neither male nor female will ever become obsolete, or unnecessary, to the other gender. Even if relationships do get skewed and seem convoluted most of the time, nothing can replace human touch, nothing can replace the strong connection that love and attraction can produce. That won't ever go away.
The whole argument behind a woman not needing a man is driven by emotion and supported by true facts, same for men not needing women.
What kinds of emotion? It depends, but I'd guess bitterness.
I'm wondering, how does one project this to the outer world? Is "SEX" written on my head? Or why the hell does it become all heated and stuff everytime I meet a guy? Even though I might not have sex or any physical contact at ALL, the whole atmosphere is loaded with the thought "sex"...I'm not so flirty when I meet a guy. We have interesting discussions about everything in life. So I don't know what it is.
I just think that maybe the fault is me at the end of the day. I have plans to date guys now without letting them to touch me. For some reason, I think they will go nuts.
What is it in a person that projects "wife" or "sex"?
IMO, it really is a projection. For myself, I have great control over when I want to project sexually and when I want to project the good woman.
If you start projecting yourself sexually to every guy, they will pick up on that right away. They will jump at the chance, especially after describing yourself. I've no doubt you are attractive.
It's a personal matter of discretion, though. We have to choose our victims wisely. Or else, we begin to abuse that sexual power, and that will come right back at us. As you very well know.
Valid point. Let's play Devil's Advocate...and her response:
"You can't tell me how to dress! Its my right!! If I want to wear something sexy, I'll do it...I don't need your PERMISSION or APPROVAL to do what I WANT, wherever I go!"
Haha that made me laugh! But no, seriously...the way I dress is not so provocative as some REAL tarts out there. But, for god's sake, I'm 28, I'm fit...Clothes that show that are really nice on me But I'm not taking it too far...But I can understand that guys' attention can be drawn...
I had a discussion with a friend last summer...she was frustrated because she said that almost all men view her as "wife material" and she never get to have any adventures and great sex. FYI, she's married but things are going really bad between the two of them. She is a beautiful woman from Columbia and she turns heads everywhere she goes. Everyone is asking her out for a date and when she has a date everyone wants her to become their girlfriend or wife or woman of their dreams. And she pretty much hates this...
The only reason she is rethinking this is because her marriage sucks. Tell her she needs to fix it or get out.
In regards to you. I hear other guys say from time to time "I'd hit that... but wouldn't marry her." That seems to be your situation. Men usually have higher standards for a wife than they do a GF.
The question becomes... why do they think your not wife material? Are you controlling? Ditsy? Do you come across as slutty? Are you high maintenance? Clingy? Things like that will make guys think twice about you.
IMO, it really is a projection. For myself, I have great control over when I want to project sexually and when I want to project the good woman.
If you start projecting yourself sexually to every guy, they will pick up on that right away. They will jump at the chance, especially after describing yourself. I've no doubt you are attractive.
It's a personal matter of discretion, though. We have to choose our victims wisely. Or else, we begin to abuse that sexual power, and that will come right back at us. As you very well know.
Except the dressing part, I think I have little control when it comes to this. Everytime I see the man I have a date with in the eyes, I feel my brain exploding. The only time I don't feel this is when I seriously don't like the person and I hate him looking at me like we're in love with each other. Then I go all serious and checking the time with my legs going up and down - all that shows I want to go.
So much hard time to control it. What do you do it?? But sure, at work I'm very boyish. Don't want to mess with them...
And yes...that sexual power you're talking about...sometimes I wish I wouldn't be able to attract men. Cause nowadays I'm scared!
The only reason she is rethinking this is because her marriage sucks. Tell her she needs to fix it or get out.
Yes, I think she'll get out of it...
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The question becomes... why do they think your not wife material? Are you controlling? Ditsy? Do you come across as slutty? Are you high maintenance? Clingy? Things like that will make guys think twice about you.
Controlling? Hmm I AM controlling, but I become this later on, I'm really really easy-going in the beginning. But then I don't have time to show my true personality haha! Nah...seriously, I keep it to myself, I'm not controlling. Slutty? Not at all...but very sexual yes. High maintenance? No.
But as a personality, I'm not that smooth...or how shall I say it. I have my own views and opinions. I have a passion in my hobby, and I can get a little extreme with what I feel...if my feelings are somewhere in the middle, then it's a sign that I don't care...so somewhere there is the problem...
Controlling? Hmm I AM controlling, but I become this later on, I'm really really easy-going in the beginning. But then I don't have time to show my true personality haha! Nah...seriously, I keep it to myself, I'm not controlling. Slutty? Not at all...but very sexual yes. High maintenance? No.
But as a personality, I'm not that smooth...or how shall I say it. I have my own views and opinions. I have a passion in my hobby, and I can get a little extreme with what I feel...if my feelings are somewhere in the middle, then it's a sign that I don't care...so somewhere there is the problem...
Being opinionated and passionate about things is a turn off for some guys, but a turn on for others... so that's probably not it.
I went over and read your other thread. Hopping in the sack with a guy really quick can kill emotional attraction for a huge swath of the male population.
You need to build up emotional attachment first. I'm not sure why you have not done that before. Have you ever been with someone you cared really deeply about... and who cared deeply for you?
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Or else, we begin to abuse that sexual power, and that will come right back at us. As you very well know.
But I'm not taking it too far...But I can understand that guys' attention can be drawn...
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