Hello,
I am a new member and i would like your advice for my marriage.I am 34 years old,i've been 3 years married and we have 2 kids.The last 6 months my wife avoids sex although we used to have sex almost 3-4 times a week.Now we have sex almost twice a month!I have noticed that she shows interest for my best friend by asking me very often to invite him at our home.I've seen also that they are talking on the internet very often.I think that she likes him,but i don't know how to find out if something is going on between them.I am very angry with both of them,especially with my wife.What should i do?I love her very much!
Thanks
LOL, and I don't mean to make light of your situation at all, my best friend's wife does this all the time with me, especially since my stbx moved into her own house and she knows I'm ostensibly single. The reality is she loves me..... like a brother. Women do that; you'll see volumes of it on LS.
OK, with full understanding and acceptance that every situation is different, how has the rest of your marriage been prior to the last six months? Interest, communication and intimacy?
Have you asked her to prioritize your M and indicated exactly what actions would cause you to feel that she is? Ceasing inappropriate contact with your best friend would be one request I can think of.
My instinct is she's using your friend for an outlet for what she feels she isn't getting from your M. That's based on personal experience as a friend to many women and as a past OM. It does not mean she will have a PA. She's likely already having an EA (emotional affair) as defined by LS standards. That needs to stop for your M to have a chance. There are lots of threads on this dynamic, so carve out some time and read.
Your reading will show you many methods of finding out what is going on, but little will adequately prepare you for how you will feel, regardless of what you find out. The process exacts a toll of its own.
That's where your problem is. YOU love her very much and she knows that. She knows she is the one in control and can make you dance on her finger. She has already got marriage and children from you. She even controls how much sex you get. If you two did not have kids together, it would have been time to go each other's way.
But in this case, I am not going to suggest divorce since young children are involved. I guess you have to suck it up till the kids are grown.
Were both kids born within the three years? If so, that explains the lack of sex problem. And it will get better, just not soon.
Can you see what they are talking about? Is there anything suspicious? Is your best friend the kind of guy who would tell you, "Hey man, here, I bought you a leash for your wife. She's getting out and wandering around the neighborhood, if ya know what I mean." ?
I bet carhill would tell his buddy if his wife stepped over the line. amiright?
I've told him when our interactions make me uncomfortable. My EA has sensitized me to this stuff. That said, as a long-time friend, I also know both of them pretty intimately and know when she's having an 'off' day, and let some behaviors slide, as I hope I wouldn't be judged too vigorously as I go through an emotional time myself right now.
The imperative for me as a friend is to support their marriage in the same manner as they've given me support during my divorce. Close, supportive friends are exceedingly hard to find, especially one who'll drive 20 miles into the country to take care of my cat while I'm gone. Priceless
I will add, for the OP, that it is possible that your friend possesses qualities and/or characteristics which in some way are beneficial to your wife, and she is interacting with him to gain this benefit. IMO, that's fine, as long as the M is the priority for her. Ask her sometime what she likes about your friend and why she enjoys him being around so much. Then, listen.
Were both kids born within the three years? If so, that explains the lack of sex problem. And it will get better, just not soon.
Can you see what they are talking about? Is there anything suspicious? Is your best friend the kind of guy who would tell you, "Hey man, here, I bought you a leash for your wife. She's getting out and wandering around the neighborhood, if ya know what I mean." ?
If you friend is a true friend he would not hide their relationship from you. There are boundaries that each spouse must keep between the opposite sex and friends should have the same respect. I would question both of them regarding their relationship and if the both get defensive and or nervous regarding your questions then at that time you know there is something there more then a friendship. I personally believe that an emotional affair is sometimes worse then a physical one. If i were you i would get to the bottom of it and just straight out ask them what is going on. You have to ask yourself is better to know or not to know?
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Problem with my marriage
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