[couldhebesoheartless]

Hi. I've read many posts here for a while. I was wondering if I could share my story.

I'm separated from my husband a very long time now. I didnt want this, he left me and refuses to come back. I'm sure its probably for another woman but I just would rather not know. He's not even willing to talk about why he left, he's just gone. We're waiting for the divorce to be final. We didnt file for a long time after he left. That's not why I'm here.

I did a terrible thing and got involved with a married man. I ended up falling deeply in love with him. He is everything that I could ever dream of....except he's married. His wife recently found out about us and he has cut off communication from me.

I am just a mess over this. I have never been so sad in my life. Its been almost two months and the pain is as real as if it were yesterday. I don't call him, he doesn't call me. We never even said goodbye.

I'm crushed that he could just turn it all off so quickly. I'm having trouble understanding. My heart is broken. I have seen him a time or two around. He says he cannot talk to me but always gives me a look or says something to keep me having just a tiny bit of hope. I realize its false hope, but I cannot help it. He is all I have ever wanted and I am lost without him.

I'm just wondering how this can ever get any better. I would have thought that by now time would ease some of the pain.

[Impudent Oyster]

Originally Posted by couldhebesoheartless

Hi. I've read many posts here for a while. I was wondering if I could share my story.

I'm separated from my husband a very long time now. I didnt want this, he left me and refuses to come back. I'm sure its probably for another woman but I just would rather not know. He's not even willing to talk about why he left, he's just gone. We're waiting for the divorce to be final. We didnt file for a long time after he left. That's not why I'm here.

I did a terrible thing and got involved with a married man. I ended up falling deeply in love with him. He is everything that I could ever dream of....except he's married. His wife recently found out about us and he has cut off communication from me.

I am just a mess over this. I have never been so sad in my life. Its been almost two months and the pain is as real as if it were yesterday. I don't call him, he doesn't call me. We never even said goodbye.

I'm crushed that he could just turn it all off so quickly. I'm having trouble understanding. My heart is broken. I have seen him a time or two around. He says he cannot talk to me but always gives me a look or says something to keep me having just a tiny bit of hope. I realize its false hope, but I cannot help it. He is all I have ever wanted and I am lost without him.

I'm just wondering how this can ever get any better. I would have thought that by now time would ease some of the pain.

What's to understand? He's married and clearly he wants to remain married.

He turns it off so quickly because when push comes to shove, his marriage is the priority and he's not going to blow it over an infatuation.

Your best bet is to forget him and learn a lesson and stop interpreting a "look" as him wanting to get back together with you, he's probably just feeling badly and hopefully has a little bit of guilt for leading you on.

Don't waste another minute in a relationship that is doomed to fail.

[Alpha Female]

Originally Posted by couldhebesoheartless

I'm crushed that he could just turn it all off so quickly. I'm having trouble understanding. My heart is broken. I have seen him a time or two around. He says he cannot talk to me but always gives me a look or says something to keep me having just a tiny bit of hope. I realize its false hope, but I cannot help it. He is all I have ever wanted and I am lost without him.

I'm just wondering how this can ever get any better. I would have thought that by now time would ease some of the pain.

Aw, Im sorry to hear your pain.

Remember some men are extremely weak. And many people stay in miserable marriages for a lot of reasons. Most MM who end up staying with their W's arent really happy or committed. I mean, if they really and truly loved their W, would they have cheated to begin with? Of course not!

So dont look at it like he cut it off so quickly in order to preserve his "happy life and marriage". Chances are he is even more miserable with his W, as without you in his life, hes stuck with dealing with her only every day, and if he was so happy with her to begin with, as I mentioned, he wouldnt have been involved with you at all.

He very well could be trying to lay low to appease her until she loses the scent, and he can start straying again. These men tend to do just this, over and over again. Question is, if he came back to you, would you want to get on the same roller coaster again, or is it best for you to just continue to move on and find someone who can be your own and who isnt a cheat and a liar?

[NoIDidn't]

You must be really hurting, abandoned by the two men you loved recently.

Things do get better.

(((CHBH)))

[couldhebesoheartless]

Yes. I'm very sad. I guess that I get what I deserve for getting involved with a married man. Its just that when my husband abandoned me and our children I sunk into a deep depression, felt worthless, my esteem was shattered. This man came along and told me what I needed to hear. I was vulnerable, it felt good and so even though I knew it was wrong I went with it. I am suffering dearly now for my actions.

I have so much guilt for hurting another woman, wife, mother. Afterall, I know exactly how it feels. I'm ashamed that I did that to her, wish that I could apologize. I've now heard from friends and people who work with him that he is sad and miserable every day of this life.

I'm curious though. What is it that he is so sad about? Is he sad because hes ruined his marriage & hurt her? Is he sad that I'm no longer in his life? He has told me that he wishes he could still be with me but that he owes it to her to at least try to work through this if she wants to after all that hes done to her. I agree, I think he at least owes her enough to let her try to work through it. But I don't understand why he is so sad. Now my actions have hurt not only her, but him as well.

[2sunny]

he's sad that he can't have both as he would have continued on his way if she had not found out.

now she knows - that changes everything.

after the dust settles and she is no longer suspicious, he will most likely contact you...

what are you going to do about that when it happens? obviously, you are his second choice, is that enough for you? you should decide these things now - while you can decide what a healthy boundary looks like for you. when the emotions start again, it will be harder to see what the boundary should be; you will simply be reacting to the chaos and emotions he brings your way... that part is hard.

have a plan and stick with it.

[Montclair0011]

Like you my husband left me and then I later got dumped by a married man (who was separated and then went back to his wife). This does not help my abandoment or self-esteem issues. Hang in there and get a therapist if you can. This is too much pain to deal with alone.