Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
I've developed a crush on a female coworker who has been crushing on me pretty hard ever since she started at the same company 2 years ago. I am married and have no intentions of leaving or cheating on my wife. Our marriage has been difficult from the get go (8 years ago) but we've mostly weathered our problems and things are looking much better now. We have no children.
However, as I mentioned I do have a bit of a crush on this coworker. I am in my 40's and she is in her 20s. I know I am at least 15 years older than her. We do not see much of each other because we work in different parts of the office. I've said maybe no more than a few dozen words to her - simple greetings in the hall etc. We do on occasion email each other but it is always work related and very professional. Not a personal message has ever passed between us.
Here's how I know she has a crush on me. I can see she nervous is when we pass in the hall, the eye contact, the way she looks away blushing, the nice smile. If I walk past her cubicle to go to the break room or a storage room she will be there seconds later pretending to do some work just for the opportunity to bump into one another. Sometimes I won't look up and pretend I don't see her. This happens too often to be any coincidence. One time after work I left the building and was walking to the bus stop where I became somewhat aware of some walking next to me but a little bit behind. Just when I became aware I turned to look and she veered off down another street. I didn't get a perfect look at her face but I saw her profile and recognized her figure.
This is tremendously thrilling knowing I can still attract a younger woman. I enjoy the attention from my coworker and appreciate very much how she's made me feel. I am having a difficult time in dealing with this though. I am trying to figure out how to keep this from becoming too uncomfortable for me since it is in the workplace. I need to somehow compartmentalize my feelings (keep a lid on them). There are times when i can't stop thinking about her even at home and over the weekend. I have the urge to send her an anonymous Christmas card (not romantic) with maybe a small gift or something enclosed. It would make me feel good and her too. I could never tell her though and I would deny it if ever asked.
These feelings I have are unwelcome. I need some advice in how to handle this. Thanks.
You know I spent nearly a month reading through threads here before I ever joined this past month and believe me, you are not unique from what Ive read around here.
all I can say is if you are thinking of sending her a holiday card, DON't. If you plan on attending the company Holiday party this year...take a pass and go take your wife to dinner.
what you are experiencing is the rush of the feeling that "you still have it". While it may be an exhilarating feeling, the fact that you came here to post about it indicates you are not very confident that you won't give in to temptation and take this "just a little further".
Well your "little further" may end up being the longest and most destructive chapter in your life. I would have as little contact with this female as possible, and do not put yourself into a situation where you may bump into her socially(i.e. the Holiday Party...many a marriage has gone down the crapper due to the gathering of Yuletide cheer).
So with that being said, you do understand that the time you spend thinking about this women on weekends and at nights at home would be time better spent rediscovering why you fell in love with your wife in the first place?
Take your wife out on a Date Night every few nights. She may really appreciate it and you will have a chance to rediscover your feeling
We are all wired to cheat. It is our choice that we don't.
You were triggered by the smile, shyness and furtive looks. All these are unreal. But they had effect. Is it not strange how little detail we need to get our hearts pumping.
Here is a task for you -contact your wife and try to share these triggers with her. Keep honesty in your marriage. Share the things that disturb the marriage. This is one of them.
One big thing about the process is that you have to learn NOT to punish the other while telling the truth. Once this is achieved, it is time to be Radically honest about your whole married life. Yes, share the past, present and potential future of your life together.
I write this and wish it for my own marriage, but her anger is quickly aroused and very slow to cool.
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But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
I need to somehow compartmentalize my feelings (keep a lid on them). There are times when i can't stop thinking about her even at home and over the weekend. I have the urge to send her an anonymous Christmas card (not romantic) with maybe a small gift or something enclosed. It would make me feel good and her too. I could never tell her though and I would deny it if ever asked.
These feelings I have are unwelcome. I need some advice in how to handle this. Thanks.
You are getting emotionally attached to her. This isn't she has a hot body, I would love to be trapped in the elevator with her.
All of your emotional needs are not being met in your marriage.
Hold off on having children until this is sorted out (if there is a chance you were going to start a family).
Wanting to give gifts is one of the five love languages. I'm no expert on love, but perhaps go read up on the Five Love Languages and see if they are all being expressed in your marriage. That might be a place to start the analysis to get to the root of the problem here.
Thanks for the responses. I think I have my head on straight about this whole thing now. I've been reading related posts too. I've come to the conclusion that this is a 60% ego boost/trip (and I like it!) and a 40% deficiency in my marriage that will need to be addressed. There will be no card or gift for this girl and I will avoid her if possible. Eventually she'll forget about me or find some other one to focus on.
This is a great website. Lots of good stuff on it. I thought I was just going to post, solve my problem (hopefully) and run but I think there is a lot of useful stuff being said in all the forums.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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