Having a pretty crappy day all around in coping with the NC with ex. Went to Barnes and Noble and was reading relationship books and came across one that basically preached the exact opposite of the general LS position on NC, giving all sorts of tips on getting back into an ex's life and convincing her that the old relationship is worth saving.
Please, someone tell me I'm an idiot to rekindle this kind of hope.
But seriously though, books are written in a way that will sell the most books...of course certain books will offer advice that gives people hope that they're loved ones will come back...almost like an instant gratification...people will eat that crap up...instead of looking deeper than that and seeking self-improvement...
Everything in LS comes from people's experiences...what they've learned through their mistakes...so that others don't repeat those mistakes...of course everyone's situation is unique and may require a different approach, but generally, NC works...
You may be right, the relationship may be worth saving, but the only way it can be saved is if she realizes on her own that she wants you and the relationship back in her life...you being there will only push her away...
Again, you're an idiot to rekindle this kind of hope...
But seriously though, books are written in a way that will sell the most books...of course certain books will offer advice that gives people hope that they're loved ones will come back...almost like an instant gratification...people will eat that crap up...instead of looking deeper than that and seeking self-improvement...
Everything in LS comes from people's experiences...what they've learned through their mistakes...so that others don't repeat those mistakes...of course everyone's situation is unique and may require a different approach, but generally, NC works...
You may be right, the relationship may be worth saving, but the only way it can be saved is if she realizes on her own that she wants you and the relationship back in her life...you being there will only push her away...
Again, you're an idiot to rekindle this kind of hope...
You were just looking for what you wanted to hear by going to the bookstore and looking up relationship advice books. You want validation that it is okay to contact your ex. You could have found that advice online as well. I think you are much better suited listening to all of the people on here who have been through it firsthand. If they want to get back together with you they will make it clear. They will send you a gift in the mail deeply apologizing. They will send you an email deeply apologizing. You will only prolong your pain if you do this.
My ex called me (i stupidly answered) and begged for me back a week after he broke up with me. We made plans to meet later that week and when I IM'ed him the next day he said he was busy, had to go and went away from his computer. He then sent me an email saying that he regretted what he said. I was back to square one and in utter pain. How could he hurt me not once but twice!
I bet there were at least a dozen books that said the opposite. I'm wondering if you picked that particular book because it said what you wanted to hear, not that there is anything wrong with that. I think we just look for validation in self help books.
BTW I wrote that without looking at the above post. Sorry to reiterate what you already said.
Yeah, perhaps I was subconsciously looking for validation, but believe me I didn't pick up the books entitled "Get Her Back in 10 easy steps" etc. I did find a pretty good book called "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Ex*" that talks about the emotional addictions people get into by "exing" (obsessing over an ex, checking up on them, fantasizing of getting them back). I liked a part of it that broke different scenarios of breaking up into power in relationships. For me, last spring when we broke up she did initiate the phone call that ended it, but I too was overwhelmed in the relationship and actually felt relief after we broke up. So for months I didn't feel like a victim and felt like I had helped control events. But then in the fall after she signaled possible reconciliation, I made too many simple mistakes, came on too strong/clingy, and lost all sense of power. And now with the new guy in her life, my ego is all f***** up as well.
Right now I guess I'm trying to figure out if I did so well with her out of my life for like 5 months, is it true feelings for her or my bruised ego that wants her now. Like lately, I have dreams of being with her, of even being intimate. But around the time we broke up I was at times almost disgusted with myself after being particularly intimate with her.
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