[cqueenie27]

Hey! its been 2 months of this nonsense, so I figured I would see what you guys think...
After dating for a year, my ex and I broke up in October of 08. His ex (whom he left a year.5 earlier b/c he didn't want to marry her and she was controlling and overmotional) had moved into town and I assumed he was going back to her. it was over - so we thought. March 09 he told me that he'd like to get back together, so we had a nice few months of working on things and taking it slow (no sex). After a great wknd I found out that he had taken the ex to her family reunion and failed to mention it. It wasn't our first fight, but the first time I got really upset about something. He called me over emotional, compared me to her and well you get the picture, he did apologize but the trust was gone - so I ended it. One week later he apologized again and told me he was serious about trying things again, so we talked out all the remaining problems. He agreed to change some things, and asked me to wait until he moved away from her to make things official... nothing changed. Granted i only gave it less then a month for him to change... but he didn't. I stopped calling... and so did he. That was it.

Now, though he has moved away from her - I hear that he's sleeping with her. They have pictures on facebook together. Our mutual friends tell me that he has said he has no intention of getting back together with her (though that may have changed by now for all I know), and that he doesn't look at her lovingly the way he looked at me. I don't quite understand why he chose her over me... if he did, or if he thinks "(I) left so why not?" or if he really loves her and wants to try things again. She has made it very clear despite everything that she wants to marry him. I don't know how clear he's made his intentions, or if he's just telling everyone something different then he's telling her. They seem to be doing everything together... and we had only been NC for 2 weeks or so when they apparently started hooking up again. We haven't spoken since August. So now I wonder, though he said he was staying in the area this year to be close to me... was he really into her the whole time?

He hasn't chased me, and that NC on his part makes part of me feel like I meant nothing to him. He cast me out the way I always wished he would with her (well, i just wanted him to tone the friendship down to an acquaintance, not kick her out of his life). Part of me also misses him. Every time i see something that reminds me of him/our jokes i want to tell him. Part of me also thinks I didn't give it a good chance, I was hesitant and distant. He was toying around with "I love you" (said it intoxicated, and he said "I do" when i'd say "yoooou love me" jokingly) but I never said it back - I couldn't tell if he was serious or not, and I didn't want to ruin the real *look me in the eye and romantically say it* moment if it was coming.

Our friends have invited me down to visit this weekend, and I'm not sure i should go. He avoided the first occasion he would have seen me at (our undergrad homecoming last month) I don't even know if he will attend if he knows that I'm going. My emotions change from "I should show up, and show him that I do want this, we can make it work" to feeling like I could never go back, to being angry, to sad, to missing him - its so odd. Can anyone make sense out of the way I feel and what is best to do? Thanks so much in advance!