[hpnutter]

I'm so unhappy. I think I may be in the middle of breaking up with my boyfriend. :-( We've been together for 4 years since I was 19, the last 2 have been long distance. I wrote him an email yesterday explaining that I was worried we were drifting apart and didn't see each other enough. Today he replied and said he feels the same and thinks we might be drifting towards friendship instead of lovers... I've been looking for jobs where he lives so we can live together, but now he's said he's not sure if that will work as a solution. He says he needs some time to work out what he thinks and feels.

He's always been such a good boyfriend, I can't reproach him. There's nothing unfriendly going on, we still care so much. I don't want to break up, but if he's sure there's nothing we can do that will bring us closer again, then there's nothing left to do.

I've told him to take his time to think. I know my email yesterday was out of the blue so he's confused right now. Don't think I'll know for a couple of days. I'm just so anxious! I don't want to break up! He's my first boyfriend and I can't imagine not being with him! The wait is unbearable. I know he read my email yesterday at half 5, but he didn't reply til 6pm today, those 24 hours were torture. Now I have to wait to find out if he thinks there's a chance we could get back to how we were before or if its too late.

This is my first ever breakup and I still care about him so much. I'm living at home with my parents and sister and don't want to tell them until I know one way or another, but I've been crying in my room for ages, can't let them see me like this. But I have to go and eat my dinner now... I just want to hide in my room until I've heard from him. I have such a bad feeling about this, I think he's going to end it :-(