[cccrazy]

Hi Everyone!

I´m completely new to this forum and I am seeking advice about this long distance "relationship" that I´ve sort of been having for 2 years

Well, I met this guy while I was doing an exchange year in Japan. We had classes together and I really liked him but as he had a gf at the time I never told him.
Anyway, after I returned home we kept in touch over months just emailing every other week. At some point I told him that I really got to like him during our exchange year and he said that he actually felt the same.
So he said he wouldn´t give up on me and we started calling each other on the phone, skyping etc.
Problem was, even though he showed me that he really wanted to commit to this relationship I couldn´t accept it. The truth is I really had some issues at the time and was totally unhappy with myself so I thought there would be no way I could make him happy in that state.

Well, he decided to come visit me in my country, but I could tell that he was losing interest because he wasn´t calling as much. Which was probably my own fault because I told him all this stupid stuff like "maybe it would be good if you met someone nice in your own country" because, as I said, I doubted that I could make him happy, depressed as I was.
SO we spent two weeks together traveling to various locations and I was really happy to be with him but at the same time I felt a lot of pressure to be bright and cheerful, in the end I even got sick and I felt so exhausted.
And when he asked me whther I would come see him in his country I couldn´t give a straight answer.

So our ways parted again. He didn´t call me to say he got home safely, just sent me an email saying "thanks for the nice time, etc" and I knew it was pretty much over. So we were out of touch for a while. I felt even more depressed because I realized how stupid I had been and also how horrible it must have been for him to make all this effort to see me and to only get back so little...
After several weeks, I had finally finished my thesis, I wrote him an email saying how sorry I was and that I couldn´t forget him, which he didn´t respond to. But then after 2 months or so he emailed me again, saying that he´d been having a miserable time and if there would be a chance we could meet again.
And I said yes, because in the meantime I had started to get better and to be more positive, I had already made plans to go to his country for an internship or language program.
So now we´re emailing again more or less regularly...but it´s kind of weird. He says stuff like "come here soon, I´m waiting" but he never calls me or anything. When I called him once, I really couldn´t tell whether he was happy about it or not. Also, a friend that we both know from our exchange came to see me a couple of weeks ago and told me he has a girlfriend plus that he´s been a real player and that while he had a girl he was meeting up with someone else (she doesn´t know this boy and I had met up)
SO now I´m assuming that he had a girl before he came to see me...when I heard that story I really felt like dying!!!!
So....I don´t know if I should confront him about all that or not?
Does he have a girlfriend and at the same time is telling me that he wants to see me???
Did he have a girlfriend while he was in touch with me before????
I´m so scared to know the truth that I don´t dare asking.
And even if he has a gf or had a girl, can I be mad at him??? Because I told him all this s**t like..."I don´t know if we can be together" "maybe you should find someone else" etc.

I´m soo confused!!!! What do you guys think of the situation??
What should I do? Ignore the whole gf story? Confront him?

I´m happy for any advice or opinion!!

[Miad's Princess]

Originally Posted by cccrazy

Well, I met this guy while I was doing an exchange year in Japan. We had classes together and I really liked him but as he had a gf at the time

I don't get it, you knew from the word go he had a g/f, so why are you all confused now?
Did he ever tell you that they had broken up or did you just assume? (which would have been a big mistake).

Please fill in the blanks

[cccrazy]

oh, that was when we were both in Japan. he was dating another exchange student, I knew her too! And I know that they broke up.
That´s not the issue.

I was thinking he was probably seeing someone after he told me that he liked me and said that he wanted to see me.

I don´t know anymore if I should even waste my time thinking about this. I think I take relationship matters way too seriously.
I guess...I`ll just see what happens when I go there.

[starrynights36]

I think you two need to have a serious talk. Lay everything out on the table. Him having someone else while telling you he wants you is a pretty serious thing. Despite what you were saying, if he still had such strong feelings for you, he shouldn't have a side person.

It must be very nerve wracking to talk about this with him but it has to be done. Otherwise, you'll never see clarity things will only get messier.

[cccrazy]

Yeah, I feel like I should talk to him.

But all we ever do is exchange these superficial emails, he´s pretty busy with his job too...should I call him (I don´t really like to cuz it was a bit weird last time I did) or should I write him an email?

I really don´t know what I am to this guy now.
Like, he says this stuff like "I´m waiting" and blah, but does it mean anything?
Maybe he thinks we´re just friends. The fact that he´s Asian doesn´t make it any easier...aah it´s driving me nuts!!!

One thing is sure, this is going to be dreadful!!!

[Miad's Princess]

Originally Posted by cccrazy

should I call him (I don´t really like to cuz it was a bit weird last time I did) or should I write him an email

If you can call him, I would, some things need to be cleared up and doing it through email isn't in my opinion the best way to go. Things can get more confusing that way....it's the same with trying to have a serious conversation through sms.

No call him, it might be awkward, but it's the best way.

[honeypear]

You need to talk to him put everything out there. LDR's are hard enough as it is. You have to be able to communicate what your thinking or feeling as does he. Basically you need to know if your on the same page. I went through the same type of thing, his brother was encouraging him to out to pub's have a good time because I had not moved over yet and would never know. Mine was honest to tell me this, and told me he would never do that to me no matter what.
Honesty, and communication are the keys to a successful LDR.

[VeveCakes]

Originally Posted by cccrazy

Yeah, I feel like I should talk to him.

But all we ever do is exchange these superficial emails, he´s pretty busy with his job too...should I call him (I don´t really like to cuz it was a bit weird last time I did) or should I write him an email?

I really don´t know what I am to this guy now.
Like, he says this stuff like "I´m waiting" and blah, but does it mean anything?
Maybe he thinks we´re just friends. The fact that he´s Asian doesn´t make it any easier...aah it´s driving me nuts!!!

One thing is sure, this is going to be dreadful!!!

Seeing as last time you were together you gave him nothing back, I would bet he is seeing other girls and not risking being single on the chance you go there and actually want to be with him.

He is keeping his options open. If you want to know whether he is single or not - just ask! Chat with him..."So, are you seeing anybody?"

It's a simple question, and then you have your answer.