It would be nice to know everyone that has gone NC and how long it has been? Whether you broke NC? How NC has helped you? And anything else in regards to NC that could help a lot of us LS's who are either already in NC or wanting to do so.
I have been NC for 2 months. It has helped me regain my self worth, self-esteem and integrity. I do not have hope in my past AP nor would I ever want to get back into a situation with my XAP. NC has helped me get to this way of thinking (I wasn't always like this if you read some of my past posts). I no longer obsess about my XAP (once in a while a small thought creeps in, but I do not spend longer than 5 seconds thinking about him).
I would love to hear how some of the rest of you are doing and how you stay strong in NC when you feel weak.
Congratulations to all those who have decided to go NC to help regain their life again. Best of luck to all those wanting to go NC, just know you can do it if you REALLY WANT TO.
It's been almost 2 months for me. I've broken it a couple of times and I still have hope, part of me wishes I didn't. I went NC with him when I found out he had asked for a divorce but his wife wanted to try counseling first. I know that if they can work things out and BE HAPPY together then I can deal with that and move on..........it's the not knowing how it's going to turn out that's killing me. However, I will not enter back into an affair with him, the affair IS OVER!!! That part is very freeing, as much as I miss him. =)
I'm still a bit in limbo, but I'm many steps closer to no longer being that way. I think I'm subconsciously dealing emotionally a little at a time. NC first, then missing him, then letting myself remember the good times and bad, and next will be moving on completely. If he stays with her and works things out then I'll deal with our relationship being over for good. I'm not emotionally ready for that and I don't want to go through that pain unless I have to.
One day at a time and every day I'm stronger and regaining who I used to be!
For me it was about 3 months back in May of this year. Never broke it till she called me and told me she was ready. Well that was dumb of me and I'm at very limited contact. I wouldn't allow myself to get back to all that drama.....
All I remember was the first month was so HARD...it was like trying to get off a drug.
Wow. How did you all make it a month without NC. I can't even make it two weeks. In the past two weeks I have broke down and called him 3 times.
The first two times he answered. Today he didn't. Which is for the best I'm sure.
The mornings are so hard for me because he use to call me every morning, every day, for the whole 10 months we were together. And he would call several times during the day also.
Once I can get thru the morning and afternoon arrives it becomes easier. But the mornings get to me and that is when I find myself becoming weak and failing at NC every time!!!
From what I have read on here it appears that 99% of the time the xMM eventually breaks contact and calls or e-mails. My fear is that I will be the 1% that doesn't happen for. That he will just go on his merry way and forget about me, wish he had never met me and never contact me again.
I am having such a hard time getting over him and to think that there is a possibility that he will just go on with his life and get over me so easily causes me a lot of panic and anxiety and that is what leads to me calling him. I can't handle the thought that he can go on with his life without me being a part of it. The reality of that happening really hurts me inside.
Please give me some tips on how you all got to where you are at with your NC time frame.
Thanks!
Last edited by lovekillsslowly; 5th November 2009 at 12:47 PM..
Wow. How did you all make it a month without NC. I can't even make it two weeks. In the past two weeks I have broke down and called him 3 times.
The first two times he answered. Today he didn't. Which is for the best I'm sure.
The mornings are so hard for me because he use to call me every morning, every day, for the whole 10 months we were together. And he would call several times during the day also.
Once I can get thru the morning and afternoon arrives it becomes easier. But the mornings get to me and that is when I find myself becoming weak and failing at NC every time!!!
From what I have read on here it appears that 99% of the time the xMM eventually breaks contact and calls or e-mails. My fear is that I will be the 1% that doesn't happen for. That he will just go on his merry way and forget about me, wish he had never met me and never contact me again.
I am having such a hard time getting over him and to think that there is a possibility that he will just go on with his life and get over me so easily causes me a lot of panic and anxiety and that is what leads to me calling him. I can't handle the thought that he can go on with his life without me being a part of it. The reality of that happening really hurts me inside.
Please give me some tips on how you all got to where you are at with your NC time frame.
Thanks!
Let's see. For me that would be ONE DAY. I sent him an email yesterday, although if I'm honest with myself, it wasn't the "definitive" NC email I should have sent. But I know him pretty well and I am pretty sure he got the clue.
He has never tried NC. He has always wanted to have me in his life as a friend. That was too painful for me, yet I've been unable to say goodbye completely. I know I need it. I need to have some time behind me without him always in my head. I can't wait to have a day where I go to sleep realizing that I didn't think about him at all.
Best of luck to all those wanting to go NC, just know you can do it if you REALLY WANT TO.
And don't even try it if you are not absolutely sure you REALLY WANT TO. You need to be prepared to lose the MM forever. Don't do it as a means of hoping to get him to choose you. It takes much stronger motivation than that to be able to sustain NC.
We went NC because my MM wanted to work on his marriage - for a minimum of 3 months. We lasted less than a week. I hated every minute of it. It was hell on earth. I lost my appetite and my thirst. I had nightmares. I was totally depressed.
I broke NC within 24 hours, but my MM was determined to continue. I had to respect his wish. It was not my choice, it was his choice from beginning to end. He lasted 6 days before he broke NC. He told me he had been in as much pain as I, that he finally felt he could breathe again.
What we learnt is:
1) it is impossible to work on your marriage unless the affair is completely over, both physically and emotionally
2) that our bond to each other was much stronger than we understood.
We are not likely to try NC light heartedly again. If we ever do it again, it will be because one of us has decided to definitely and forever end the relationship.
__________________
Unapologetic Other Woman
True chemistry is hard to find, if you do find it hold on to it! (White Flower)
It was 14 weeks on Tuesday. It has been very interesting. I have not broken it. She has not broken it. So I think that makes it easier...I don't have to fight not answering calls, or not reading emails, I just have to keep myself at bay...which has become easier.
What I have noticed, however, is that it is a process. It gets better, then worse, then better, then weird. I am kind of in an angry stage right now. Which is so different for me. It is not based in anything rational. Someone here told me I would go through that stage...so I take it as progress.
__________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there. -Rumi
It has been about 13 weeks for me. I sometimes worry that NC is making me worse. Sometimes I think it's cause I am single and do not have someone else to focus on. Although, right now I can't imagine wanting to be with anyone else - I hope that I get past that at some point.
I keep passing up dates because I feel like I need to be okay with myself before I start all over again. Ugh. I am still broken hearted.
It really sucks to go from every day contact, to nothing. I am still on a rollercoaster ride in some ways - my emotions range from anger, sadness, confusion...
Not to t/j, but DI - I am curious - you said you are currently angry. Are you angry at the OW? The A?
I would think my xMM is probably going through a lot of different emotions also - your story is always interesting to me because our break ups were around the same time.
Then the next I think tomorrow I could meet someone wonderful and single!
I think I am over the rage, and now into the blues. But Im staying strong by knowing in my heart I cant go back with someone like this, into this kind of a situation.
5 weeks, until my birthday the other day. It was REALLY hard, but I swear I didn't know what else to do. We'd had great sex, and then a week later he wanted to go back to friends & I just couldn't do it. I initiated NC. We've both done it, back & forth, and it's usually me who blows it. I was prepared, when I did it, to never hear from him again. I removed myself from anywhere he would be, and if I ran into any of his friends or employee's, I was very nice & happy & never brought him up. The power of saying "I won't contact you" made me honor it. I didn't want to seem like I didn't keep my word.
Now I don't know what's going to happen.
You won't be the 1%. You do have to have a plan if he contacts you though, depending on what you really want. You won't get what you want if you contact him, it's just how it is. Flipping out when he contacts you probably isn't a good idea either. I swear, we spend about 2 months in total ecstasy, and the rest is trying to "win" or something. I just want to do the best thing for both of our families. I don't want to hurt anyone, even him. Continuing will really hurt a lot of people.
Not to t/j, but DI - I am curious - you said you are currently angry. Are you angry at the OW? The A?
I would think my xMM is probably going through a lot of different emotions also - your story is always interesting to me because our break ups were around the same time.
I am just angry. I have, upon reflection, and with the help of people here on LS come to realize that I am angry at many people...my xOW for not staying with me, my mother for abandoning me, my father for being so mean and critical, my wife for cheating, and mostly myself...for being a coward and making decisions based on fear.
I am just angry. I have, upon reflection, and with the help of people here on LS come to realize that I am angry at many people...my xOW for not staying with me, my mother for abandoning me, my father for being so mean and critical, my wife for cheating, and mostly myself...for being a coward and making decisions based on fear.
EH?? Your wife cheated? Sorry if this was in an earlier post but I missed this. Before, after or during your relationship with xOW??
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I sent him an email yesterday, although if I'm honest with myself, it wasn't the "definitive" NC email I should have sent. But I know him pretty well and I am pretty sure he got the clue. 
Hybrid Mode
