Ive had a string of bad luck with ladies lately. I never picked nutty ones until my ex-fiancee dumped me. Then I ended up with this married chick that lied about being married, lied about being on the contraceptive shot, hooked me in and then when I was distancing myself from her decided to drop false assault charges. Then I met this amazing girl who was truly magical, well she seemed magical but turned out she lied to me about everything about herself including her nationality, job, even her name. Broke up with that one she nearly killed me left a wine bottle full of bleach in the fridge for me to try out when I was cleaning up the disaster she left behind.
Well I met this really nice girl... god. She is quite nice but she's really intense. I've been seeing her for like 6 weeks now. I have had such horrible luck that I've been really adamant that we take it SLOWLY. She wants to spend a huge amount of time with me, she calls me on all her breaks from work and will leave from visiting me and then want to talk on the phone the moment she gets home and is already missing me and pouting how she misses me so.
After the initial intense euphoria I have tried to tell her yes I like you a lot but lets take it slow, live in seperate spaces get our own time to do our own things. Now its like pulling a grilled cheese sandwich apart - messy as hell.
Like I have a job interview so I go to it and then go near her work for when she gets off and kill a half hour in the mall to meet up with her for lunch, drive around with her then have lunch then come here to my place and hang out, then she goes off to do some errands and asks if she can come back after, I'm cool with that then she crashes here and hanky panky ensues I cuddle with her and have coffee with her in the morning and she wants to go shopping. I have work to do (I work from home) and she says its ok if I dont want to go so I say yeah go out do your thing I'll get some work done and then maybe we can hook up later. She gets home and calls me with this whole thing how we never do anything together and I only want to spend time with her when it's convenient for me and all this crap. I just wanted to get some work done its Wednesday mid-day and didnt want to go shopping. I figured we'd hook up again later in the day...
Now she's like well fine we wont talk tonight then. All icy, shes saying things like, "fine you want to take things slow then lets take them slow we can see eachother like once a week since you dont like to spend time with me". I'm like whoa girl, I just spent the morning until 11am with you and last night cuddling with you and yesterday afternoon with you from 2 -4 you got back at 8... Its not that I dont like spending time with you but I have some of my own things to do this is my job.
And like last weekend I kind of backed away because she lured me to her house but she had to work at 6am and said that she'd drop me off at home afterwards but then things took longer and longer then she said why dont I stay so I stayed but then it was Sunday and I had to take a cab home because the transit system wasnt working and because of the time change we ended up leaving an hour early. Then we hooked up at 3pm the next day and hung out did laundry and stuff then went back to her house ... again she was going to drop me off before the night finished and then wanted me to stay again... I was like whoa now I just spent last night here and you have to work at 6am again tomorrow and I have cats who havent been fed and need to be looked after, she got all pissy and was like "fine I guess I'll never ask you if you want to stay over again" and again I was like "whoa girl I just stayed here last night I like staying over sometimes but I do have responsibilities I need to look after and the plan wasnt that I was going to stay over again tonight maybe another night when you dont have to work at 6am"
What the heck do I do with this girl!?!?! I like her she is really nice and kind but so super thin skinned sensitive it's like say no to her once and she snaps back in this dichotomous way. I've been through a BPD girlfriend before and a bi-polar so I know that no matter what I need to hold my ground no matter how healthy someone is I cant just give in to her every whim because she gets upset. Of course you have to humor a girl sometimes thats part of the way women are...
She is also complaining that we dont have much to talk about on the phone anymore.. I'm like whoa girl well we talk on the phone every hour when your at work then I see you then we part and then we talk on the phone until we go to sleep we're just running out of things to talk about because we're together all the time or talking on the phone. I like talking to you and everything but we need something to happen on our own so we can share things with eachother.
Its like when we talk we're constantly talking about either how much she misses me and wishes she was with me and how much she loves me or we're talking about her ex-boyfriend's latest antics calling her leaving her nasty messages accusing her of ****.
Again she is really nice as a girl i quite like her or I wouldn't be spending so much time with her in the first place.. But i need to have my own life a bit maybe sleep at home alone once in a while or chill out and have some "me time" once in a while; thats not so bad !
set a boundary. you should have one and it appears you don't.
tell her once a week is enough - so that you can take care of your work and that she doesn't have the chance to be so damn needy and demanding of all your time.
Are you retarded? She lays on the guilt trips if you don't spoil her with what she wants. You either need to tell her to quit the childish behavior, or kick her ass out the door.
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she got all pissy and was like "fine I guess I'll never ask you if you want to stay over again"
This is NOT what I call "nice and kind".
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If I were you this girl would have been gone at the first sign of this psycho behavior.
She's either trying to be dominant in the relationship, needy, or both. You should be setting the pace of the relationship.
It definitely sounds like you're having a bad streak. Keep getting those numbers, and nip this one in the bud by cutting your losses before it gets out of hand. You will not change this girl by having a talk with her. Have the intuition to know you should get out of Dodge.
i was quite firm with her on the phone today when she dropped this on me for the third time, that i do like spending time with her but that its normal for couples to sometimes be apart and do their own thing it doesnt mean that we dont like eachother. i told her that I'd call her later on when I was finished and left it at that.
i was quite firm with her on the phone today when she dropped this on me for the third time, that i do like spending time with her but that its normal for couples to sometimes be apart and do their own thing it doesnt mean that we dont like eachother. i told her that I'd call her later on when I was finished and left it at that.
*sigh*
Even telling her that you'll call her later is a mistake in itself. Extricate yourself now.
Even telling her that you'll call her later is a mistake in itself. Extricate yourself now.
I dont think that it's quite that bad. I mostly want to make sure I dont dig myself into a corner; and hence pull apart more grilled cheese sandwiches.
I dont think that it's quite that bad. I mostly want to make sure I dont dig myself into a corner; and hence pull apart more grilled cheese sandwiches.
Her actions are like a looking glass into her brain, and setting rules won't make things any better. In my opinion needy people rarely change for someone else. You make the call if that's something you want to get involved in.
You have in your pocket some hel of a psycho magnet.
Dr. Freud would say that you subconsciously try to find similar disfunctional person in need to re-play / repair some of your past ones. He would suggest your mother of course.
I say, there is some truth to it and as an advice, listen to your gut and when you get the psycho vibe, run as hell. Simply change your behavior patterns - choose more wisely.
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Well in the end she decided that it was best if we didnt see eachother for 2 weeks. I doubt it will hold but she has said that after that maybe we will only see eachother twice a week.
Works for me and its worth a try. I dont really want to go two weeks without seeing her that wasnt what I was looking for but if she things that that is the bet way to start off a lower intensity of contact then whatever I guess I'll give it a whirl.
I love how people are coming out and saying that I've got this huge insecurity complex based on a tiny bit of information. I'm here looking for a bit of advice and different perspectives; if I was so freaking insecure I dont think I'd be opening up my current relationship problems to complete strangers looking for alternate perspectives. The girl is really nice and treats me well. Maybe just wants to spend more time together and on the phone than I'm comfortable with. If I look for flawless people, I'm going to be single an awful long time because nobody is flawless, including me.
Well in the end she decided that it was best if we didnt see eachother for 2 weeks. I doubt it will hold but she has said that after that maybe we will only see eachother twice a week.
I'm curious, what was her tone when she told you this? Any chance she's being passive-aggressive, or any underlying hostility? I just wonder if she's more hurt than she's letting on, and this is her way of sticking it to you (or getting out of the relationship).
I love how people are coming out and saying that I've got this huge insecurity complex based on a tiny bit of information. I'm here looking for a bit of advice and different perspectives; if I was so freaking insecure I dont think I'd be opening up my current relationship problems to complete strangers looking for alternate perspectives.
You'd be surprised how many insecure people come here. Because it's easier to admit problems to people who don't know who you are then those who do. And you are getting perspectives. You just don't like all of them.
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The girl is really nice and treats me well. Maybe just wants to spend more time together and on the phone than I'm comfortable with. If I look for flawless people, I'm going to be single an awful long time because nobody is flawless, including me.
No one is flawless, that is so darn obvious. But if you don't set up boundaries, you'll be a doormat for wacky behavior for a good long time. The fact is, is she is still maintaining control. She's setting things how she wants them. You aren't voicing anything. You are just going along for the ride.
Canadaguy...with her pattern of behavior where she rejects you because she perceives you are rejecting her (not spending enough time with her), she sounds downright childish. Like if you don't live up to her high expectations, she's going to make you pay. YOU will not dare reject HER - she'll reject you first. She sounds seriously unstable. Just the fact that at one moment she's complaining you don't spend enough time together, then she says you should only see each other a couple times a week, then all of a sudden it's, "We shouldn't see each other for 2 weeks." She's punishing you. Gees. Watch out you don't get cobbled - she sounds like that lady from "Misery."
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