My wife of 31 years admitted an affair that occurred about 20 years ago. We had attended church one Sunday and the sermon moved her to come clean. She has been forthcoming to my questions but somewhat vague in her answers. such as,
How long? How many times did you meet? (It was her boss and he would ask one of the 3 women in the office to accompany him on business trips (a couple of hours at the time) which were justified due to the type of business he was in.. My wife has said he had business to conduct outside the office 1-2 days per week. She said they had sex every time she went out with him. They had sex in our car, our house, his house along country roads and met in Hotels. She said she gave in to him because he flattered her and made her feel special she was never in love with him. She said the may had been together maybe 12 times in a 1 - 11/2 year affair. I'm having trouble believing that it didn't happen more than 12 times. She has said she broke things off with him and has been faithful since. Will I ever know???
THAT would be enough for me to say "GET OUT NOW!!!"
in your car? in your house? that is completely disrespectful and shows she may be full of rage and hatred toward you. since it appears you are staying in the marriage, find out WHY she thought it was ok to treat you with such disregard and disrespect... this is waaaay over the line for my boundaries... how can you just move on from here?
So what has your marriage looked like the past 20 years??
Exactly,
You are in a diff situation then most, 20 years have past. How has your life been with her within the 20 years and right Now is the question. I say show her how much you are hurt, Learn from this and make your relationship better.
Life is too short and your a mature older person? Can you deal with being alone now? You believe you have a good women hat strayed 20 years ago. Given the TIME factor, I'd say try and keep it together.
Sounds like she was doing alot of dirt? why continue to stay married if she's gonna have a full year long affair, was she the only OW, or did he sleep with all his other co-workers, subordinates? Is she gonna continue working there? or is she quitting and recommiting to your marriage?
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You see I'm not a monster...I'm just ahead of the curve!!!
She said the last time they were together she broke it off because of the guilt. But she did something to his vehicle and went in to work the next ady and ask for a transfer to another office which she got in a couple of weeks. We have moved from the area that the affair occured in and there isn't an opportunity for her to see him. I am wondering. Who dumped who?
My marriage has been great. I never had any suspicion thet she had cheated. I just keep asking myself, is she telling me all the truth?
doesn't matter, you have truth enough. she is a cheater.
She got to lie to you and have her little fun in the younger years...while you stayed faithful not knowing you were married to an unfaithful, untrustworthy "woman".
my guess is he dumped her because she did something to his vehicle.
You will probably never know.. and to be honest, what good would it be for you to know.. really...
It's been fine for the last 20 years .. you never doubt her
ya, because she deceived him, lied to him by ommission. Most good people will never doubt until given a reason to doubt. Cheaters are often very clever at covering their tracks and lying.
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just forgive her and forget about the whole thing
ya...forget about the whole thing....thats a good one. Like thats going to happen. forgive will be up to him, but forgetting won't happen.
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she's still with you..
so what? he has a wife that he now finds out over the course of her marriage has spread her legs for at least one other man....but she is still with him....I guess that could be seen as a consolation prize
Gee, now nice. she comes clean 20 years later, after your younger years are behind you.....she gratifies herself with another man when she was younger, you stay faithful....and now what?
So what are you going to do? Personally, I'd feel like she robbed me of life and sure, now she tells you. Its not like when you were younger, you could have divorced her and looked forward to a better life, finding someone new, dating again.
But no, she waits til now. I'd tell her, "my life, because of you, is a lie, and was wasted"...and leave it at that.
I don't know what you have in mind, but I'd tell her to leave.
These seem like some pretty harsh (not disrespectful harsh, just harsh) responses.... I am kinda in a similar situation, maybe you read my post...........my dh cheated 8 & 12 years ago, I just found out a couple months ago. So you like me.........thought you had and feel like you do have now a good marriage, I don't know that the answer is to now to through it away. If your wife has been committed ever since, never cheated again.......perhaps you will now be able to work together to get through all this crap and there will be an even better marriage on the other side....one where she is not always gaurded because she is hiding something. For me......now that I know......I can look back over the years and know that the lies effected our marriage so much.....I never knew. The way he reacted to things, some stuff makes sense to me now. Anyhow, Perhaps more truth will come out, perhaps not.......why would she tell you some and not all.....how would that benifit her? not sure it would, she could have just kept on with the lie and not told you at all. You will have a roller coaster of emotions likely.......I did, and I don't know about you but 20 years ago....probably feels like it just happened yesterday!
Just keep talking and honouring your feelings........it's a hard situation.
something isn't adding up. she ended the affair because of guilt(as she says) that means she wanted out of the affair. then why would she damage his car? seems like a lie here to me. dig some more.
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