[name witheld]

Ok, I'm going to avoid going into too much detail because I don't want to write a long post and I don't want to run the risk of being identified!

Was going out with my girl for a few years and we have been broken up for about a few months. We've had a good relationship but for a while things have not been quite right as she was unhappy.
One day came along and we got into a disagreement about the way I am with her and how high a priority she is in my life. This ended up in her leaving me because she thought things would never change and she would remain unhappy.
it was not the first time it had been brought up and we were close to breaking up a couple of times before. but this time we did.

It was still a shock to me as we had made a few plans around the time to do stuff and even that day we had just booked a trip abroad!
But looking back now I can see the relationship had deteriorated and can she we should have spomen about it more, I mean its not like we hadn't spoken about it. More like I didn't see where she was coming from.

I must admit i thought a lot of it was nagging and did not fully listen, ok I didn't ignore her totally and made some changes but I thought a big part of it was the way she was feeling at the time and maybe she had blown things out of proportion.
I'd always thought that things would just be ok and she would 'sort herself out'.
Had no idea that it was something I was doing that made her unhappy. Its not even that hard to change and now i have done so but it looks like there is no second chance.

After the breakup we did contact each other and it was initiated mainly from her side. No sign of any reconcilliation though and she kept making the same point - ie too late/mind made up.

However, slowly but surely we started seeing more of each other over the following weeks/months and we went out, stayed at each others homes and had sex. I knew that something wasn't right though and some of the things she said indicated that her mind had not changed.
We've agreed not to see each other now and I have initiated NC.
have tried to show that its out of respect for her and not what i want.

She has broken NC twice, once to ask me to help her out with something and the second time to thank me for it a day later.

I'm pretty sure I could stick NC, especially as I have said its for her.
But I'm having doubts about it and that maybe we should be communicating.

[name witheld]

Must add that I have not begged and have not asked her for a second chance. Thats mainly because I was pretty sure rejection would be likely.

Although at the start of the break up i did come up with 'solutions', especially after realising what was wrong but did not ask direct.

[Oh Moe]

This is about as close to my story that I've ever heard, I had her on a pedestal is what I was told and she always had to do things better for me she said. I never asked her to.
Good Luck

[name witheld]

Thanks good luck to you to.
Just remember its not all your fault. She must share some of the blame too for allowing it to happen. eg not standing up for herself enough or for not discussing it.

How long you split and what has been done about it since?

[lilbelle]

so I guess I'm confussed. She is upset that you were there for her too much? In other words, suffocating her? Or she's upset cause she's not a priority?

Anyway, doesn't matter. Go NC if she loves you she will come to your door with something meaningful, not just, can you help me, bs. Stick to your guns cowboy. If it's meant to be it will be.

Peace

[name witheld]

She is probably thinking too little too late and that even though things seem to have changed now they might just go back to the old way if we get back together.

But I agree, if she loves me (and I know she does) then she will come back. In the meantime I'll stick with NC.

Thanks. Peace to you too.

ps only downside is that she has convinced herself that things will not change. We shall see.

[lilbelle]

change is a two lane road. you have to learn to meet in the middle. i loved someone but the changes never came and i wore my own soul out putting up with it. put me in a position where i lost my dignity. now i'm free of it and never felt better. i should have never married. but lesson learned. you can't change the inevitable.

[jaco]

Wow, this sounds all too similar to what I'm going through right now. She had asked me to change some things (partying with the friends too much, etc.) that I was more than willing to do, but by the time she had brought it up, it was already after some other fighting and there was little to no chance of me proving to her that I could change. Now I'm playing the waiting game to see if I should continue to pursue or give her space.

Let me know how things work out. Good luck.

[name witheld]

I don't blame myself fully. Its both at fault.
Ok so my actions made her unhappy but it was her who did not put the foot down, she taught me how to treat her.

But beyond all that its equal blame if two people don't communicate.

[name witheld]

NC, definately if she is seeing someone else.
You don't want to know about it.
Stay back and let him screw up, probably a rebound anyway.

Thats one thing I am glad of NC for - I don't know what she is doing.
Yet its that very thing that leads to a rant on your thread! irony.
Better now though and thats whats good.

You shouldn't have to change who you are for somebody. Ok to compromise on how you behave, but not at your expense.