[Eisenhower]

If you saw my thread "Man, I'm Hurting," you know my ex broke up with me as after 18 months together she couldn't deal with the guilt/pain remaining from her divorce AND being in a new relationship. I was likely the stereotypical rebound. After 6 months of trying to be "friends" like she said she wanted, I realized she was just basically keeping me on the back burner and at arm's length - too scared to let go of me, but too scared to really be friends because of the "relationship issue" always waiting to pop up. So when I found out a few weeks ago she had been out a couple times with someone else, I declared no contact and have stuck to it.

Here's the problem. I met her Dad for the first time last Thanksgiving. He was terminally ill with cancer. We had a great day and she told me that he told her, "After meeting (me), I feel like I can die in peace because I know you and the kids are going to be taken care of." Well, that really touched me. Sadly, he died the very next day. And while I thought that his words were so meaningful, she literally changed after her Dad died - she became colder and depressed. It was the beginning of the end of us - she said she no longer knew who she was or what she wanted. We broke up in Jan, but got back together until April when we broke up again. She said she just couldn't be in a relationship because her life was a mess.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I know she's going to be devestated. Her Dad was really her only parent as she's not close to her Mom (they were divorced). Thanksgiving will be the one year anniversary of her Dad's death and I know she'll be devestated ... Father's Day was hard on her too.

I am committed to NC because she's really hurt me over the past year, but I know it wasn't intentional - she's just messed up by divorce and then her Dad's passing. While I'd like to send a card or leave an anonymous flower on her car (we work at the same place), I don't want her to think I'm making a move at reestablishing contact or that I want her to respond. Yet, I was so touched by her Dad's words about me, I feel like I need to do something to honor her pain.

Any thoughts?

Eisenhower