Hello all, I'm just hoping someone here can help me make sense of what I've been feeling for a while now.
I'm wondering if there are any other girls out there that still think about a guy they let go of in the past. It may seem stupid I know, but I still think about a guy I dumped about two years ago and I'm not sure why.
We were together for about 8 months, I met him at a time in my life when I was kind of depressed, new to the area and had gotten out of a two year relationship a few months prior. When I met him my whole world changed. It was like we were meant to be together. He was handsome, driven, athletic, deep. I was way into him early on. He made me feel a kind of love that I hadn't felt before. Like it was more real than other loves I had felt in the past.
But then, a few months into our relationship my ex started to re-appear in the picture a little bit, it confused me. So I backed off of the whole situation and him, started pushing him away. I ended up sleeping with my ex but it was horrible. I hated myself for it. I didn't ever tell him. Then about a week after that he did something I did not expect at all. He came over to my house and told me he loved me. I felt the same deep down but I couldn't bring myself to say it, I just sat there crying instead, and then he left, I was afraid I would never see him again.
Over the following two weeks things got back to normal, and I told him I loved him too and wanted to be with him. For the next 5 months or so the relationship was good. We were nearly inseperable.
But then in the last month or so things started to fall apart. I had a lot of stress hitting me from my family and my bills, he lost his job and so was unemployed, things started to become boring, I started to lose my attraction for him. He was still the same handsome guy, but I wanted out. I will admit that I blamed the relationship for a lot of the stress in my life at the time even though him and my relationship with him was the one good thing in my life at that time. I ended it with him and moved away. He was crushed, he took it really hard. We kept talking over the next couple weeks, mostly just him trying to get me to reconsider. This is the part that makes me really sad because our relationship really broke down in a more permanent way during that time. A lot of it was frustration and sadness on his part and anger that he wouldn't just accept the break up on my part. I ended up telling him what I'd done with my ex before, said I never loved him and some other hurtful things. He told me not to call him anymore and that he'd do the same.
That was 2 years ago.
Since then I've been guilty of checking up on him on facebook and what not. He had things happen in life that I wanted to be able to congratulate him on like getting a new job and getting back in school, but I knew he didn't want to hear from me. I got in touch with him a few times over the course of the next year, even though I was back with my ex during that time (I got back with my ex for about 6 months), but I always got a short cold responses or none at all. He met a new girl and was pretty serious with her for a while but they are recently broken up, so he's newly single again.
But anyway during the past two years I've never really stopped thinking of him. I would go through phases where for a few months I couldn't get him out of my head, everything would remind me of him. Then for the next couple months I would rarely think of him. Then back to thinking of him again.
I can't help but sort of wish we could try again now that our lives are straightened out. I miss him obviously, I don't know if I still love him or not. I think once I met him again in person I'd probably feel everything from a long time ago all over again. Thats part of what Im afraid of, Im afraid that the instant I see him again in person Ill melt all over again. I really don't see him going for it though, and why would he? I'm the stupid girl from 2 years ago that broke his heart. Im sure thats how he thinks of me anyway. I think Id just get rejected. Plus Im not even in his area anymore. I still wonder what could have been or what still could be but I dont think he would want it. Ugh this sucks. Regret is the worst feeling ever. I wouldn't even know where to start! How does someone even go about something like that with someone who they caused so much pain to in the past?
So what does everyone think? Do you still think about someone you let go of in the past like that? Am I being stupid? Do I just need to drop the idea, or should I communicate with him? Id really like to hear from other women but I will listen to everyone. Sorry for the length.
Last edited by simply; 4th November 2009 at 3:04 PM..
Hello all, I'm just hoping someone here can help me make sense of what I've been feeling for a while now.
I'm wondering if there are any other girls out there that still think about a guy they let go of in the past. It may seem stupid I know, but I still think about a guy I dumped about two years ago and I'm not sure why.
We were together for about 8 months, I met him at a time in my life when I was kind of depressed, new to the area and had gotten out of a two year relationship a few months prior. When I met him my whole world changed. It was like we were meant to be together. He was handsome, driven, athletic, deep. I was way into him early on. He made me feel a kind of love that I hadn't felt before. Like it was more real than other loves I had felt in the past.
But then, a few months into our relationship my ex started to re-appear in the picture a little bit, it confused me. So I backed off of the whole situation and him, started pushing him away. I ended up sleeping with my ex but it was horrible. I hated myself for it. I didn't ever tell him. Then about a week after that he did something I did not expect at all. He came over to my house and told me he loved me. I felt the same deep down but I couldn't bring myself to say it, I just sat there crying instead, and then he left, I was afraid I would never see him again.
Over the following two weeks things got back to normal, and I told him I loved him too and wanted to be with him. For the next 5 months or so the relationship was good. We were nearly inseperable.
But then in the last month or so things started to fall apart. I had a lot of stress hitting me from my family and my bills, he lost his job and so was unemployed, things started to become boring, I started to lose my attraction for him. He was still the same handsome guy, but I wanted out. I will admit that I blamed the relationship for a lot of the stress in my life at the time even though him and my relationship with him was the one good thing in my life at that time. I ended it with him and moved away. He was crushed, he took it really hard. We kept talking over the next couple weeks, mostly just him trying to get me to reconsider. This is the part that makes me really sad because our relationship really broke down in a more permanent way during that time. A lot of it was frustration and sadness on his part and anger that he wouldn't just accept the break up on my part. I ended up telling him what I'd done with my ex before, said I never loved him and some other hurtful things. He told me not to call him anymore and that he'd do the same.
That was 2 years ago.
Since then I've been guilty of checking up on him on facebook and what not. He had things happen in life that I wanted to be able to congratulate him on like getting a new job and getting back in school, but I knew he didn't want to hear from me. I got in touch with him a few times over the course of the next year, even though I was back with my ex during that time (I got back with my ex for about 6 months), but I always got a short cold responses or none at all. He met a new girl and was pretty serious with her for a while but they are recently broken up, so he's newly single again.
But anyway during the past two years I've never really stopped thinking of him. I would go through phases where for a few months I couldn't get him out of my head, everything would remind me of him. Then for the next couple months I would rarely think of him. Then back to thinking of him again.
I can't help but sort of wish we could try again now that our lives are straightened out. I miss him obviously, I don't know if I still love him or not. I think once I met him again in person I'd probably feel everything from a long time ago all over again. Thats part of what Im afraid of, Im afraid that the instant I see him again in person Ill melt all over again. I really don't see him going for it though, and why would he? I'm the stupid girl from 2 years ago that broke his heart. Im sure thats how he thinks of me anyway. I think Id just get rejected. Plus Im not even in his area anymore. I still wonder what could have been or what still could be but I dont think he would want it. Ugh this sucks. Regret is the worst feeling ever. I wouldn't even know where to start! How does someone even go about something like that with someone who they caused so much pain to in the past?
So what does everyone think? Do you still think about someone you let go of in the past like that? Am I being stupid? Do I just need to drop the idea, or should I communicate with him? Id really like to hear from other women but I will listen to everyone. Sorry for the length.
Move on...
If you get him back, you'll probably just get bored with him again, and destroy him that much more. That's exactly what my last girlfriend did to me, several times, only on a shorter time scale. And just lask week she started drunk dialing and empty emailing me.
The one exception I would make is if he comes back to you on his own, but I still think you're just idealizing him because he's no longer available to you and you have yet to find a shiny new bauble to take his place. it's safe to long for something you can't have because that way you can live a nice but doomed romantic fantasy rather than get back on the horse with someone new and try to do a better job the next time.
You've just given hope to every guy on here who's been dumped!
But seriously, I tend to agree with Turista, I had the same thing with my ex, also on a shorter time scale. She broke up with me out of anger, then weeks later after not hearing from me she changed her mind and wanted me back. Told me how much she missed me and what a mistake she had made and never wanted to lose me again. She wanted to spend all her time with me and loved me so much she told me. That lasted 2 months and here I am, all brokenhearted because she broke up with me...again.
I agree with Lost and Found ... I can only hope my ex (who dumped me) has these feelings for a good long while.
If I were you, I would give him a call. I know everyone's saying move on, but if it's possible you two are meant to be with each other, you will never know by playing games. Call him ... talk to him ... what have you got to lose? If he's still on your mind, maybe it's because he's still in your heart.
yep, i think about my first love all the time. We are still good friends and we have watched each other mature. He is a wonderful man and I would consider him a great lover but we are states away. Alas, we had our time together and I enjoy being single now.
Turista, Im not a small animal that chases shiny things. These are real feelings Im feeling. I am sorry your ex did that to you, but I think you jump the gun in concluding Im just like her. I think maybe you have some residual feelings coming through that you let influence your advice for my own situation...
Lost and Found, it has been neither two weeks nor two months. We are talking about two years. This is the source of my alarm because I recognize that normally feelings are supposed to fade after that long of time unless something else is there. I appreciate you being able to relate to my situation but the time difference counts for something I think...
Eisenhower, if only it were that easy! There are no games being played though, we dont even have any connection with each other in any way. I dont even know if he has the same phone number, I changed mine myself and never gave it to him even though I never had any reason really. Your right I know I have nothing to lose but its not so easy. I know he still has a spot in my heart for a reason. He was such a good match sometimes I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to be so stupid, I cant help but wonder where wed be at right now if I never hung it up. But everything happens for a reason, Im the type of person that believes we choose our own fate, I just dont like the fate I might have chosen all that time ago! Ugh! I mean Im sure Ill find someone else and my life will go on just fine without him in it ever again, I mean Ive lived the past 2 years just fine and dandy, but I know that pang of feeling counts for something, I dont think of any other exes like that or feel like that about them, hes the only one.
lilbelle, that must be nice. I dont think either of us could have handled just being friends afterwards though. He is not my first love though, I had been in two long term relationships before him, one of them I was even engaged in! But this guy I was only with for 8 months, thats another reason why this is so confusing.
Last edited by simply; 4th November 2009 at 11:46 PM..
Well this is just my take and opinion about the situation..
Let me just point out some things you said:
1. things started to become boring, I started to lose my attraction for him. He was still the same handsome guy, but I wanted out
2. I ended up sleeping with my ex but it was horrible
3. I ended up telling him what I'd done with my ex before, said I never loved him and some other hurtful things.
So in my opinion, respect the man's wishes and never contact him again. Yes its been two years since youve been broken up but what will contacting him accomplish. Don't just think about your feelings, think about his also.
And like you said you tried contacting him when you got back with you ex but he gave you the cold shoulder. So what makes you think he has forgotten about what you have done and wont give you the cold shoulder again.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything I'm just telling you from my experience.
Lost and Found, it has been neither two weeks nor two months. We are talking about two years. This is the source of my alarm because I recognize that normally feelings are supposed to fade after that long of time unless something else is there. I appreciate you being able to relate to my situation but the time difference counts for something I think...
You are right about that, it was fresh on my mind so I brought it up. I do have a similar situation though with a greater time difference. I had a girl I was madly in love with 8 years ago, we dated long enough to get all those dreams and hopes about a future together in my head, then she broke up with me. I was pretty devasted but I got over her eventually. Still though, I do think of her from time to time and wish I could just meet her randomly somewhere and start over. I even found her on Facebook, but I didn't contact her. It would just be awkward now.
If you really want to make contact with the guy and feel things out, how about just try adding him as a friend on FB? You said you know his page. If he sees a friend request and its you, either he will accept or he won't. If he accepts it means he is interested in at least reconnecting somewhat, if he doesn't accept - he's not. A little awkward yes but nobody will get hurt and you will get your answer.
Turista, Im not a small animal that chases shiny things. These are real feelings Im feeling. I am sorry your ex did that to you, but I think you jump the gun in concluding Im just like her. I think maybe you have some residual feelings coming through that you let influence your advice for my own situation...
In the end, we're all just high-fallutin' monkeys IMO...
She's not the only one that tried this crap with me. There's another nutcase from 21 years ago that occasionally tries to start things back up with me. I find both their behaviors really annoying, and I am long since over the other one - I just want her to go away for keeps and have said as much - this does not stop her, it merely makes her go away for a while.
So anyway, you're most likely not wanted anymore, he probably has or had someone who appreciates/appreciated him in exactly the way you didn't, and all you're going to do is hurt him and yourself by holding onto this further. There are so many decent people in this world looking for love, and if you really have grown up, you're ready to find him. Otherwise, see my first post again and move the heck on.
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
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