[hdog]

Im just going to jump right into it. I have dated the same girl for over 4 years since i was a sophomore in high school to a sophomore in college. When college started we moved away from our family and got an apartment together. We didn't make that many friends because we didn't live in the dorms and it was hard to meet people especially when your in a long relationship like that and everyone is single. About 6 months in to living together i became depressed with everything life, love, school. I told her we should break up and she got really sad and started crying and that got me upset and i changed my mind because of how willing she was to make it work.

Then summer came i told her that i need to figure my **** out and we moved back with out respective families over the summer. We both got jobs and didn't really see each other that often. I worked at a pretty cool place and was so happy just to go to work. Summer came to an end and we moved back down to where our college is and everything slowly went to ****.

I am completely depressed again...didn't take that long this time. Ive told her that i was depressed and i think she knows that im gonna probly gonna talk to her about our relationship soon because she kept asking me if i wanted to break up and telling me she loves me. I do love her but im just not sure if i want to break up with her. During the summer i started smoking weed again (stopped aound the time i broke up with her before to clear my thoughts). It was just a social thing with coworkers and friends did it behind her back cuz she didn't want me smoking. When i got back to college i was like a fiend getting weed. I needed it i haven't gone a single day without smoking. Life is just so dull without it.

All we do is go to class and go home and do nothing. Thats our life. We no longer have sex or do anything. We have talked about it a billion times and we ended with me saying im done begging you its your turn to initiate since then we have done nothing. All her little things that made me laugh years ago now make me cringe. Has anyone been in a situation like this before or similar? I know its a long post but im at the end of my rope and appreciate anyones time.

I hate her family. She wants to get engaged. How can i get engaged with someone in my state? How can she want to get engaged with someone in my state? I know she wants the commitment but im definitely not ready for that or want it. She said if i made her wait any longer we would probly have to end it so idk. Ive been a bad boyfriend all summer and this school year. Ive been pushing and pushing her way always making things mine and her never ours. I never want to do things for her like take her to the doctor or drive her to school when she dosent feel good. I cant help it because for years she was totally dependent on me and i thought that was our main problem but its obviously not. She is almost completely independent of me and im still pushing her away. Please help me