Mistake 4: They think that once they get the girl, everything will be ok. They will finally be happy and their life will no longer be boring
The underlying assumption here is that girls bring you happiness. That may be true temporarily, since every new relationship is exciting in the beginning. However, looking to the girl to bring you happiness is buying into the idea that happiness exists outside of you and that you need to acquire things in order to be happy.
Just like getting more money, getting a girl will not only fail to make you happy, it will accelerate or expose the problems and insecurities that already exist. Unless you figure out how to deal with them the relationship will bring you more frustration rather than happiness. You will undoubtedly lose the girl and end up getting hurt more.
You’ve got to be able to put your life together and be happy regardless of whether you have a girl around or not. So when you meet a girl who’s worthy of being your girlfriend, you can invite her into your life to enjoy the ride.
Many times shy guys will want to get into the girl’s life and become a part of it. The problem here is that she will now define your life and you will no longer be independent. You will have checked your manhood at the door and she now owns your balls.
The other assumption is that once you get a girl a you'll think your “work” is done and you can FINALLY relax. This is BY FAR the most common thing that happens to shy guys who manage to find a girl and get a relationship.
They get the girl interested and then stop doing all the things they did that attracted her in the first place. Far more relationships get broken because the girl feels the guy starts to take her for granted and no longer does special things for her.
Mistake 5: They act indecisive instead of making a decision and leading the girl properly
This is by far the most common mistake. Under the guise of equality shy guys will act indecisive and make the girl make the decision. It's almost like they don't want to take responsibility for leading her because they're scared that she will not like his ideas.
How many times has a girl asked you “So what do you want to do?” and you’ve replied “I don’t know what do you want to do?” This may seem innocent to you, in fact you may think that you're doing this because you care about her, but what she sees is a man who is not strong enough to lead her and she gets frustrated.
Women absolutely hate it when guys act indecisive and can't make up their mind!
You see, underneath it all women are really looking for someone who will take charge and show them the way. This is your default role as a masculine man, to lead her confidently. When you act indecisive and hesitate to make a decision out of fear of her disapproval she perceives you as a weak feminine man.
The secret to leading women is to have multiple ideas in your head and suggest them to her. If she agrees then great, if she suggests something back then you can still make the final decision. If she’s undecided then it’s up to you to say “Ok, we’re going for a walk and we’ll grab a bite later” She’ll happily follow.
Women want strong, confident men who know how to lead. Why?
It shows that you have the necessary traits to be a survivor and she’ll rather be with a man who knows what he’s doing since it’s very likely that those traits will be transferred to their offspring and give the little ones a better chance for survival as well.
This is why you’ll need to come up with ideas that are beneficial to both you and her and then suggest them. Other times you’ll want to keep the plans secret and surprise her, but this is only for later on in the relationship.
Mistake 6: They hesitate and try to look for signals before approaching a girl or before asking her out
One of the trickiest things for a shy guy to deal with is figuring out if a girl is interested in him and trying to read her signs of interest. He’s looking for the green light that will tell him for sure that she is interested so he go and ask her out and not have to worry about her saying no.
There are several issues at play here. First of all is the idea that you have to read a woman’s signs before going in and asking her out. This idea comes from the many stories that women tell of guys asking her out when – in her mind – she is clearly not interested in them. She incorrectly assumes that the guy should be able to read her mind.
In her mind she's thinking that she wasn’t showing any signs of interest so he should have read these “signs” before approaching. There is some truth to that. You wouldn’t ask a girl out without first finding out if she’s the kind of person that you do want to date. In reality, you cannot possibly read her mind.
There is only one sure fire way to find out if a woman is interested. It's called compliance. What it means is that she's putting work towards getting to know you. She's doing her part of the equation. When you ask her out she says yes and she even volunteers her phone number or email. When you call her to set up a date she accepts and then she goes out with you.
If she's not doing her part in getting to know you, then she's either a spoiled brat who's used to men doing everything for her or she's not interested. Either way, you have a very clear indication and you can act accordingly. If you continue to put in effort while she's not cooperating she will lose interest in you.
There’s also another assumption that is understood but not verbalized that IF a girl is showing signs of being interested in you, then you should ask her out.
The hidden theme is that women make the choice and men then follow. She chooses you and then you should go for it, regardless of whether she's the right girl for you, because that’s the best you can do right now. There are many shy guys I know who say that the only action they get is from women who approach them.
While this may be true in the animal kingdom, where the male showcases his thing to impress the female and get her to choose him to mate with, I believe that you also have a choice. You should pick out the right girl for you from the pool of girls who are also interested in you. In the end it’s a mutual choice.
Mistake 7: They’re are too sexually timid and they misunderstand the sexual nature of women.
Shy guys tend to be too timid sexually. They don’t fully understand their own sexual nature and are not in touch with their masculinity.They’ve either bought into the idea that sex is wrong or that they have to be discreet about their sexual desire and hide them. Some shy guys are even ashamed of their sexual desires for women.
The other assumption shy guys make is that good women are not supposed to be sexually expressive, or even worse, they assume that women don't get horny and don’t like sex and the ones who do are not good women, they are sluts.
This is a HUGE sticking point that can derail your life in the bedroom even after you get married. It’s usually a result of social programming from a young age as a way to protect you so you don’t screw up early in life with things like pregnancy and disease.
If you’re one of those guys, the way to reverse this is to start to educate yourself on female sexuality. Read some books on it. Maybe even a romance novel so you can see if you can understand the psychology behind it.
Begin to realize that women are human beings like you and I and they also have urges. Remember that to procreate a man and a woman need to have sex. That’s why nature made us have urges.
Women are built to have many times the amount of pleasure than a man can. Can you imagine having an entire organ whose purpose is to experience pleasure? Having wave after wave of multiple orgasms for hours?
I know what it feels like because I used to have the same problem myself. It was like a big wall that I had to slowly take down bit by bit. It wasn’t easy, but with hard work in trying to understand my desires and through reading as much as I could on the subject of sexuality, I’ve achieved a level of understanding now that is light years ahead of where I was before.
I now understand that it’s hard for women too to express their sexuality as the society usually frowns and looks down upon the women who talk openly about it. Women fear the social stigma of the label “slut” more than anything!! When you understand this, you will understand how discretion on your part will bring you loads of women who are happy to enjoy sharing their body with you because they know you will not go around and tell all your friends about it.
If you have found any of the information presented here useful or insightful, I'd like to hear from you. I have created a short survey for you to help me help you by telling me what you want to learn. I would appreciate it if you can take 10-15 min out of your day to fill it out. You can find it here:
https://spreadsheets.google.com/view...dGVQdUdKQXc6MA
but if you can PM me your situation I could put something together.
Hybrid Mode
