It seems that all my friends that I've had since my early adult days til now (about 17 years) have either turned out to be false friends by either eventualy deceiving me or we just dont contact each other anymore. I am pretty good at contacting, but I dont get the recriprocation I deserve. Is it me or am I geting paranoid .People do change over time , but its not easy to realize that. The past I have known has disapeared.I guess I just need to realize that this is a life stage. And something else will come next. Any one else have a similar situation?
Yes, you're right. Our "early adult" days do not last forever. Similarly, this current phase that you are in is also temporary; as will be the next, etc. That is, the past is ALWAYS going to be disappearing, and making way for the present. It seems that you arerealizing this but are resisting what you do realize and know to be the facts -- more like not accepting than not realizing, maybe?
But. That's not to say that you haven't also been contributing to the ending of your long-time friendships. Yes, some will be busy establishing their careers, raising their families or going through their divorces but if they're ALL pretty much just going AWOL on you, then you're the common denominator and may need to get down, dirty and deeply honest with yourself about your own attitudes, expectations and behaviours that may be leading to your experiences.
[QUOTE Any one else have a similar situation?[/QUOTE]
Yes. My whole entire life from child hood until now (I am 34) I have had friends come and go. Some friends are just meant to be around for a certain period of time, like the ones you just party with. But I have lost BEST friends, both male and female. Friends that I had for 10+ years. I am trying to figure out if it is something that I do, am I the common denominator. But the fact is that each situation has been completely different. I do, however take responsibility for some of the friendships ending because I realized that they weren't the type of friend I wanted to have. But a couple of years ago my best friend of 10 years was going through a depression (not her first). One day we were planning when she and her husband were going to come over to see my new place and then she told me she was sorry but she was going through something and would call me on the weekend. She didn't call. I got worried, so I sent her emails, tried calling and got no response. I was getting worried. I told her I am sorry she is going through this but I am here for her and she should talk to me. Nothing back. Finally, I sent an email to her husband (also a friend) and told him I am sorry for involving him but I am worried about her and would like to know how she is. He told her to contact me and this is what she said in her email "Stop calling and emailing me, if and when I am ready to talk to you I will contact you."
Period.
Can I tell you how much that hurt. It was like a stab to my heart. Of course I had to respond and let her now how much she hurt me. I didn't get anything back from her. It was probably about 2 years later that I received an email from her saying how sorry she was for what she did to me, that I did nothing at all wrong and she would understand if I couldn't forgive her. She said that she just didn't feel like there was much substance to our friendship anymore. Why couldn't she just talk to me about it?
I still try to contact her every now and then but she doesn't respond.
When we are children it is so easy to make lasting friendships because you get to spend so much time together. But as adults, we have such busy lives that it's really difficult to make the same connections. It's a lonely feeling not to have a best friend.
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