I was with the guy I was in my first relationship with. I was sexually inexperienced when we were dating. He knew this. I basically was going down on him and he yelled at me with so much rage and anger because I stopped to soon before he had an orgasm. the part that gets me the most is I still did it. I hate myself for it and I hate that he was being so selfish like I OWED it to him. Like at that point I wasnt even his girlfriend but I felt like some kind of object..... I wish I stood up to him then and stopped and told him not to speak to me that way. Thats the part that bothers me the most. He's also done a similar thing to that as well. Also I remember a time when we tried anal and it hurt me. He just tried to force it in. It hurt me and I got up and he told me in a rude way that "you are going to finish me anyway!". At the time I was hurt but I didn't realize the effect this is having on me until now. He was the only guy I ever been with in any type of sexual way. I was so new to it all so maybe this is why I'm taking it so hard? Is that considered a form of abuse or am I thinking too much. All in all it hurt me beyond belief.
He wasnt always like this but its just 3 times in particular that I can remember him doing this.
Last edited by atlast3; 3rd November 2009 at 5:15 PM..
I can recall getting frustrated when I was brought close to climax and then left hanging, but I never yelled at my lover. I did one time ask my lover to finish me off in a way that caused her less pain and she obliged. Sorry about your experience. Not cool.
yeah it hurt really bad. Its hard to really even think about it. I understand we are sexual beings but I guess deep down its about expressing your love for someone...atleast thats how I looked it. I'm just really sad about it. Thats apart of the reason why I guess I'm just losing faith in men. Since men are biologically built to need sex(or so I read) I'm always left with this feeling that I'm being used. Like when men have sex most of the times its just purely selfish because its a need of theirs. He can get it from anywhere so what makes me or sex between us so special.
When you stay with him and dont stand up for yourself, he will keep doing it. If he knows you wont go anywhere, he doesnt have to change. So stay with him, the abuse continues.
__________________ ADF: People don't lie to spare other people; people lie to spare themselves. Anybody who says, "it's not you, it's me" is beneath contempt.
yeah it hurt really bad. Its hard to really even think about it. I understand we are sexual beings but I guess deep down its about expressing your love for someone...atleast thats how I looked it. I'm just really sad about it. Thats apart of the reason why I guess I'm just losing faith in men. Since men are biologically built to need sex(or so I read) I'm always left with this feeling that I'm being used. Like when men have sex most of the times its just purely selfish because its a need of theirs. He can get it from anywhere so what makes me or sex between us so special.
Indeed, men are sexual beings who can be selfish at times and give off the impression that any warm body will do. But we definitely enjoy sex more when there's an emotional connection...at least I do. Also, many of us are very dedicated to pleasing our lover. I can honestly say I am not sexually satisfied unless my lover is too. In fact, the minute I sense she is not enjoying it, a switch just turns off inside of me. On the other had, if she is enjoying it, that switch turns on and stays in the on position until she wants it turned off. lol! But seriously, the tone of your post sounds like you may have been emotionally scarred. I think you should see a counselor or some professional you can talk to. And, of course, stay away from that scum bag.
I'm always left with this feeling that I'm being used. Like when men have sex most of the times its just purely selfish because its a need of theirs. He can get it from anywhere so what makes me or sex between us so special.
You’ll never feel “used” with a real man who actually knows how to make ‘love’ to a woman instead of using the act of sex as a form of masturbation. Truth be told, there are a lot of guys out there who literally “suck” in bed. But females are more reluctant to wound the fragile male ego than the other way around.
I’m glad you found the gumption to ditch this wannabe porn star once and for all. And while you may have to kiss a lot of toads before finally finding your prince... once you do, only then will truly realize just how enjoyable sex can be and just how awful all those other clods were in the sack.
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"It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.” ~ Mark Twain
Good job leaving the *******. Seriously. When you are with someone for the first time, and it is the only experience you have it can be so easy to think that is just how things are, but it doesn't have to be. You definitely deserve better-- someone who cares about your feelings, and respects what you want.
There are definitely people who are selfish about sex, but as far as I'm concerned yelling or insisting that someone do something at a moment they are hurt is inappropriate and uncalled for. I'm sorry he treated you that way, and caused you to have negative feelings about sex. Not all guys are like this!
It's perfectly natural to still have feelings about these experiences, and I'm glad you are trying to work through them. Talking about it is a good place to start and I'm glad you were able to do that.
I am so, so sorry you went through that, it made me sick to even read it. And he didn't just yell at you, he forced himself on you. That's rape. How long has it been since you were together?
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if you meet a guy like this again things will go differently because you learned from your pain.
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