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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]Hi everyone. This is my first post on here although I’ve read a lot of other threads and gleaned a huge amount of useful information and advice from them. I’ve now got to the point where I need to share my problem and ask for some advice myself. I apologise in advance for the rather long post. [/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]My wife of 2 years (together 9 in total) has been having an emotional affair with a co-worker for around 6 months. I discovered this for definite about 5 weeks ago when I caught my wife out about where she was one evening. The next couple of days we had some big talks about everything and talked through a lot of the problems in our relationship (both busy jobs, don’t spend enough quality time together, I don’t really express my feelings for her enough). She said she didn’t really know what she wanted – whether to try and work things out or to walk away from our marriage. I said I was willing to work at things but she had to want to try too – there was no point me trying by myself.[/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]The guy she’s involved with I know from University and is well known for being a charmer with the ladies but also well known for his infidelity (he is currently with a girlfriend who knows nothing about this affair). My wife says he makes her feel special and attractive and confident. She swears that nothing physical has happened although at times I find this hard to believe. [/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]Unfortunately, things hadn’t really moved on very much in the last 4 weeks. She has spent the last 2 weeks at her mum’s house (only a few miles away) as she said she needs to clear her head and wants to miss me a bit. We’ve made an effort to spend some time together and have gone for a few meals out and gone to the theatre etc. When we’ve done these things we’ve had a good time and has generally ended with her coming back to our house for the night. [/SIZE][/FONT]
[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]But she still kept saying that she couldn’t decide whether she wanted to have a go at saving our marriage. I would say things like “the only way we’ll find out whether we can make eachother happy is to give things a real go for a few months, and then see how we feel” and she’d accept that this was the right thing to do but wasn’t able or willing to stop contact with this other guy. There are still daily SMS and I know for sure they met for dinner a couple of weeks ago. All through I said I would wait for as long as I could for her to make a decision but that I couldn’t hold on forever as the not knowing was too painful. [/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]Yesterday felt like a bit of a breakthrough as she said that she was going to try and give things a go and see how we get on. It doesn’t really feel as if her heart’s in it though. She said things like “I can’t promise that things will be okay” and she has also said she wants to stay at her mum’s house for another few weeks. She didn’t actually say that she’s firmly put an end to things with the other guy and I didn’t ask. She has also gone rather distant and has said that she doesn’t want to just pretend things are okay again. She said she doesn’t think we should sleep together at the moment as she’s still very confused about what she wants. [/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]This has all left me feeling pretty rotten as you’d expect. The main problem is I’m so confused. I get real mixed messages about how she’s feeling – one minute she’s talking about plans for Christmas together, the next minute she doesn’t want me holding her hand. I wonder whether she really has tried to break things off with this other man or whether she’s just telling me that. I don’t know if I’m being a pushover or just need to get on with things. In my wife’s defence, she does look like she’s about to have a breakdown and I don’t think she’s stringing me along vindictively. [/SIZE][/FONT]
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[FONT=Calibri][SIZE=3]Any advice or comments would be most welcome – I feel pretty low on sanity right now. [/SIZE][/FONT]