[stanlovesJ]

OK, so last year i was a freshman in high school. it was the craziest year of my life! to start off, i was 14, not too popular, not a loner , and i was friends with alot of kids that smoked and drank.I had normal friends too.
Well they were nice and accepted me.
Anyways, i got interested and started drinking quite frequently.i would buy beer , ( 6 and 12 packs) quite often from my friend. i would also buy vodka from him sometimes.

I threw parties at my sisters house, she wouldnt really mind.I became friends with the cheerleaders, and they would come, and bring people with them. well for a freshman i was surprised at what i accomplished.

Well anyways when ever i had a crazy party and my sisters house I would burn out the next day.

Maybe from all the hyper in me, i dont know. With time, i would start getting illusions in my head (stil have them sometimes), like "wow did i really do this with that girl?" or "wow did we really pull that off?" and i would kind of get scared of drinking. then i would quit for maybe 3 weeks and do it again.



These thoughts bother me sometimes , because i do not know if i embarrassed myself drunk, and what other people saw or remember.We were never wasted, maybe 5 beers i drank at once. Most people i ask , dont really remember those drinking parties.I was kind of addicted to alcohol last year. then i kind of started to control it , not getting cold turkey anymore. The alcohol sometimes made me weird things.




How do i get rid of these thoughts bothering me in my head if i dont know whats real? Maybe it was my ego? if i ask someone something from last year, they might think im joking. maybe they wont remember at all.