Been a few months since my last few posts about my being thrown into turmoil by my wifes infidelity,just thought id put an update on here.
We,ve come on in leaps and bounds over the last few months and have become closer than we've ever been but the memory of that night when i found out is still etched onto my mind like an ugly tattoo.
we seperated for two weeks after the event,went on a counseling session and it looked as though it was all over.my wife wanted to seperate for 6 months as she didnt feel we could work at it the way things were.this was the last thing i wanted and the pain i felt during this time was unbelievable.I managed to persuade her to go for a day out by the sea a few days later and somehow,i miraculously managed to spark something in her.i went down there resigned to the fact it was over,and tried with everything i had to be myself,although at the time i wasnt exactly sure what 'being myself' meant anymore,i was a wreck pretty much.
anyway to cut a long story short,she realized that she didnt want to be without me and we started the long process of healing.she was upset about the mistake she had made and was prepared to do anything to show her love for me and to prove how sorry she was.
Fast forward 4 months and like i said,things have been better than they ever were.we're moving away from this god foresaken place in a month or so and we're both excited about the future.thing is......i cant get that awful memory out of my mind .i dont think i ever will.
the scumbag that she had a one night stand with still works at the same place although now in a different department.she is adament that she has had no contact with him and that she wants nothing to do with him.i found this hard to accept at first but now,i do believe her.its not 'making myself believe' i dunno,just thru her body language and the way she says it makes me think shes telling the truth.i like to think that after the hell ive been thru with all of this id be able to tell otherwise.
I just wish i could erase the memory.although its getting slightly easier to deal with now,its been hard.its caused me problems in the bedroom ie not being able to rise to the occasion,ive been paranoid,checking her cell phone obsessively etc.the people at her work wanna throw her a leaving bash and now,ive started panicking about that.from the way things have been im certain i can trust her but its that little niggling voice that always comes up and says 'what if'.
she hasnt been to any works parties since that awful night and says she doesnt wanna go on this one outta respect for me.She tells me that all she ever wanted was her family,my son and i,and now she has that back again she isnt interested in partying with work people anymore.(i was distant before all this,that kinda led to what happened.she felt i wasnt there there for her or our son)but i know deep down she'd like to go to this one,after all she has some good girlfriends there and she'll prob never see them again.I would never tell her not to go,im not into controlling my wife so therefore,i want her to go but im hesitant about the 'what if' element.the douche bag will probably be there,she says he wont but hey..is he gonna stay away because of me?i know where the ******* lives and how ive stopped myself from going round there and smacking him one i'll never know.i wish i could get rid of this feeling,im hoping it'll ease once we leave.i wouldnt have these worries with a different crowd of people.
You might be saying why put yourself thru this,i do myself.the bottom line is tho,i love her.apart from the last two years when things went bad we've always been amazing together and the fact that the last few months have been even more so,i know that what we have is worth fighting for.i know my wife feels the same.
infidelity sucks.
At approximately six months from D-day you will probably become very angry. You need to be aware of it as does she. This is when your "taker" element kicks in an your recovery can well be slowed.
The very best for you recovery. Remember to clear out any triggers. Eg. present from OM, places that they went to etc.
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But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams -Yeats
I feel your pain. I am 4 months out and I don't know if we can make it.
She is ok and begs me to move on with our lives together. Then I think about all the lying and that little miget scumbag and how stupid she was. I just want to grab all her **** and throw it out of the house. Change the locks and put a note on the front door telling her to get lost.
Last edited by FreezorBurn; 18th October 2009 at 5:50 PM..
Congratulations on the move ... its a VERY positive step.
As for the office "going away party" ... in REALITY its TEST TIME for your WW. You're right ... you can't and shouldn't have to control her ... let her make her own decisions based on the amount of RESPECT she has for YOU.
ON HER OWN ... she should give notice that she will not be attending any such party, KNOWING that it causes you concern. If she goes to the party anyway, despite your reservations, then you know where you stand on her priority list, and should move on with your life SEPERATELY.
REMEMBER ... ACTIONS are more powerful than WORDS. Use the information provided by her ACTIONS wisely to live a good life in the future.
i tend to disagree with everyone on the whole party thing. If she cannot be in the same place with him and not get the urge to cheat then there was no progress. These are people she has worked with for probably years and they would like to have a going away party let her go say goodbye and then move on with your lives.
i tend to disagree with everyone on the whole party thing. If she cannot be in the same place with him and not get the urge to cheat then there was no progress. These are people she has worked with for probably years and they would like to have a going away party let her go say goodbye and then move on with your lives.
I think you're missing the point ... IMO, she should not WANT to go, KNOWING that it will cause her BH more distress. Whether this party is innocent or not ... the fact that she would continue to disregard her BH's feelings would go a long way towards defining her true character.
I am a firm believer in NO CONTACT for LIFE ... PERIOD!!! If she doesn't care enough for her BH, than to keep rubbing his nose in her A with continued contact, then she is probably truly not worthy of his love for her and he should cut his losses.
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