[Onnie]

I've been friends with my roommate for the past three years. I met her through a mutual friend and had only hung out with her a few times when she asked if she could move in with me....whoa here is the reason. She and her husband had been heroin users for years, she was clean for 2 years and her husband started using again. She needed to get out of the environment and had no where else to go.
I made a place for her and became very attached to her. We moved into a house with some friends and then to our little duplex we now live in....


About six months ago her husband started hanging around and I saw less and less of her. I assumed that he was coming around and cleaning up....but actually it was the opposite she had started using again. I just about lost my mind. I felt betrayed on a completely different level.
I started avoiding her and her husband and still do to this day. I've had to put a lock on my door and move a lot of my things as they break/steal/move them.


April 30th is the last day of our lease and of course I'm moving out....but I feel no closure coming. I feel a lot of hate and resentment towards her. Also loss, she was a great friend and I know that without the drugs inside of her, she is a caring/beautiful person. All I see now is this monster.
I don't know what to do...should I just leave and say nothing to her? or write her?
I just don't want this to get in the way of me making friendships down the road in the future.

Thanks!! Onnie

[Tony T]

So exactly why should you need closure? And why should you want a friend in the future who could turn back to drugs and a husband at any moment?

The minute that lease is up, get your things, move elsewhere and don't look back. You don't need a friend, a lover, a wife, a partner or a playmate who is heavy into drugs.

You also better hope the police don't follow her home before April 30th because if they do and find illicit drugs in your unit they will arrest you as well as her. Of course, you can convince the judge later you had nothing to do with them.

There is just no reason in the universe for having anything to do with this lady. You will never be able to trust her...until the end of the world. Hold no hard feelings toward her, forgive her and let her be on her way. Wouldn't it be just a joy to renew a friendship in the future with somebody you had to put a lock on your bedroom door so she/they would't break in, steal or move your belongings to raise money for drugs???

Go to www.google.com and look up "friend."

[Onnie]

I am no longer friends with her...it all stopped the moment I found her drugs.
I'm not naive and I know the law. I've called the authorities on her and her husband a few dozen times...and of course the justice department failed once again. Because of legal issues I could not move out of the house till now.

Why do I need closure?
Because I've noticed that I no longer want to be close to anyone regarding friendship...and I feel that if I try and help someone they will end up f**king me over.


I by far know the definition of friend. That's all I ever was for her.

[Tony T]

1. "I'm not naive and I know the law."

Good for you!!!

2. "Why do I need closure? Because I've noticed that I no longer want to be close to anyone regarding friendship...and I feel that if I try and help someone they will end up f**king me over."

Our definitions of closure are different. I'm sorry. For me, closure means sitting down with a person and talking things out so there is an amicable parting with nothing left unsaid. I think you don't need to do that...but that's up to you.

3. "I by far know the definition of friend. That's all I ever was for her."

A misunderstanding on my part. I thought you somehow wanted to keep things open for a friendship in the future. Yes, you were probably a great friend...most likely too good of a friend to her. But she was NOT a friend to you....she was the illusion of a friend. People like that will act in any way to keep someone around to achieve their ends. I'm sorry you got sucked into that. It sounds like she used you to fill the time until her husband got back to her with more drugs, albeit it took him quite a long time.

I will sleep better now that I know you will have nothing more to do with this lady. I'm also very sorry that the friendship you thought you had with her turned out to be, in fact, friendshxt."

[yes]

This can give you closure: sit down with her, when she's not high, and try to get her to get into therapy, so that she can lose her addiction.

Even if you cannot, at least you'll know you've done everything you could. Then - move out & stay away from druggies!

-yes