Cheating, Flirting, and JealousyBeing unfaithful to your significant other or suspect them of the same? Can't stand the way they flirt? Jealous? Discuss your experiences here.
Hey guys. First time poster here with what might be a minor issue compared to other stuff on here.
I've been dating my girlfriend for almost six months. I'm 19, she's 18. About a month into our relationship, I confessed that I was a virgin. She told me she was, as well. This made me feel extremely happy, as I thought she wouldn't judge my lack of experience the first time we had sex. Plus, we would have a special connection by both being each others' firsts.
We had sex about a month later. It was great, and we've been doing it about 4-5 times a week ever since (using protection, of course).
A few weeks ago, I hosted a party at my house. Her best friend was there and drunkenly told me that my girlfriend had slept with her previous boyfriend. I was obviously extremely upset and asked her again the next morning when she was sober. She confirmed what she had told me the night before but swore me to secrecy.
I haven't said anything to my girlfriend but it is eating me up inside. I know it is in the past and I should just let it go... but now everytime we sleep together I can't stop picturing him and her together.
It's killing me... I never get jealous like this, but she's the first girl I've ever truly loved and to know another guy had her before me is devastating.
I can't ask her about it because then her best friend will be furious at me and they would likely stop talking to each other. But my girlfriend is noticing a change in my behavior and it's hard to hide it.
Communicate with the woman you're having sex with. What matters is what you and she share, not anecdotes from third parties.
The part here that may not yet occur to you is that this young lady likely won't be your last sexual partner, nor you hers. Everyone has a past. It is the past. Her ex-BF is the past. If you can't get your head around such things, I predict trouble in relationship-land for you.
I never quite understood why people get so upset about things like this. But maybe I don't have personal experience on the matter. I've never take anyones virginity, I'm sorta glad too. As long as my girlfriend doesn't describe previous lovers i'm completely fine with that shes had sex with someone else.
I guess what helps me is my first girlfriend was "open minded" and there's not much someone else can say they've done that i haven't.
On another note is it possible she lied to her friend, to possibly impress her or brag? Guys do that stuff alot i'm sure girls do it too.
I understand that it might sound irrational for me to be upset about this... but she and I are both very romantic and traditional and have already discussed our future, marriage, etc. You might be rolling your eyes at this point, but we both love each other immensely and never ever fight. She's the only one I've ever done anything with and she told me the same. Sex is very special to me and I thought we only shared it with each other.
And I trust her friend, who is my good friend as well. Also my girlfriend wouldn't make that up to impress anyone.
I'll just have to get over this, but it's difficult. I'm not a promiscuous person and do not look forward to other sexual partners. I know I've found my soul mate already and to think that some other ******* took what was supposed to be mine is heartbreaking to me... sorry.
I understand that it might sound irrational for me to be upset about this... but she and I are both very romantic and traditional and have already discussed our future, marriage, etc. You might be rolling your eyes at this point, but we both love each other immensely and never ever fight. She's the only one I've ever done anything with and she told me the same. Sex is very special to me and I thought we only shared it with each other.
And I trust her friend, who is my good friend as well. Also my girlfriend wouldn't make that up to impress anyone.
I'll just have to get over this, but it's difficult. I'm not a promiscuous person and do not look forward to other sexual partners. I know I've found my soul mate already and to think that some other ******* took what was supposed to be mine is heartbreaking to me... sorry.
Okay, first off if you haven't ever had a fight then I cannot believe you're truly understanding what love means, because to truly love someone you have to know their best and their worst. You WILL have a fight one day -- what then? Are you going to claim it's no longer love because you fought?
Second, you are way too young to be worrying about getting married. If you want to be in a serious relationship, fine; but do some growing up before you get married.
Lastly, her virginity wasn't "yours". That's pretty chauvinistic sounding. You need to have an open conversation with her since this is something that is bothering you. Don't accuse her of lying. Just tell her what her friend said, and tell her it bothered you and why -- calmly. And then ask her what is the truth. If she lied to her friend, ask why; if she lied to you, ask why also.
If she wasn't a virgin the first time with you, then you can either deal with it or you can't. You won't change the fact that she wasn't a virgin. In this day and age, it's nothing short of a miracle for a teen to make it to 18 or 20 without having some sexual experience.
Might as well accept her for who she is or end it. There is no two way out of this situation. Frankly, I think you should have an honest talk with her about how you feel about this and if you find yourself irrigated then she is not the right girl for you.
I understand why this would come as a shock to you. If it happened to me I would have probably already lost my cool and started a fight with my girlfriend.
Your gf should have been honest with you. The reason she probably lied was to make you feel more comfortable and so she wouldn’t feel dirty.
The lie obviously did make you feel comfortable and I hope you don’t think she is dirty now that you know the truth. You should forgive your gf for this and not even bring it up to her.
I can tell you from experience that talking to your gf about her past sexual experiences other then to find out if she has diseases is a bad idea.
So please be more mature then I would be and don’t start a fight with your gf about this just forgive and forget or you could lose this girl over something as silly as this.
After all its about being with her in the present, not who was with her in the past.
Well, on the one hand, she shouldn't have lied to you. So you have a right to be pissed about that.
However, something tells me that she didn't want to be judged by you and have it ruin your relationship - not that this justifies her lying, but perhaps she was waiting for you to outgrow or move past your line of thinking before disclosing.
As others have pointed out, if it is not for religious reasons, then your expectations of a virgin are both unrealsitic as well as unfounded...however, if you require that your GF bar none be a virgin, then you need to break up with her...just realize that you are casting her off for doing something that like 80% of the population has done.
It seems to me that you're living in a bit of a fairy tale world (granted, as a Cubs fan you kinda have to hahahaha sorry couldn't resist) - your "special connection" is in no way diminished by the fact that she has had a physical relationship before you, nor is your sex any less special.
Now that you've found this out though, you are correct that you can't continue in your relationship with a bunch of pent up jealousy. You and her need to discuss this - so you need to try and find another way of bringing it up to her without implicating her friend. speaking of which, under what circumstances did she disclose this info to you? I understand that it was "drunkenly" but she just went up to you and said it or were you playing detective?
I'm hoping that once you and her talk about it that you will be able to get over it.
90% of all these posters are hyprocrits, especially the female posters. For example if you would have lied to her about you being a virgin and then she lost her's to you, these posters would be shouting at you for being wrong and being a jerk.
She had no right, you came into a relationship feeling that you and her both shared something special, turns out she lied for whatever reason, maybe she was ashamed, shy or just really liked you.
So you have every right to be mad, in the end it all depends if you can accept her lie or not. For all she know's you could have wanted to lose ur virginity to another virgin and now its something you can never get back.
Also there may be more to the story than you know, depending on how close her ex bf and her were, because if you guys have sex a couple of times a week, her and the ex could have also.
90% of all these posters are hyprocrits, especially the female posters. For example if you would have lied to her about you being a virgin and then she lost her's to you, these posters would be shouting at you for being wrong and being a jerk.
She had no right, you came into a relationship feeling that you and her both shared something special, turns out she lied for whatever reason, maybe she was ashamed, shy or just really liked you.
So you have every right to be mad, in the end it all depends if you can accept her lie or not. For all she know's you could have wanted to lose ur virginity to another virgin and now its something you can never get back.
Also there may be more to the story than you know, depending on how close her ex bf and her were, because if you guys have sex a couple of times a week, her and the ex could have also.
He can be upset IF in fact she did lie. But he even stated that he "discovered" this information while drunk and the friend who told him was also drunk. You cannot just assume that she lied without discussing it with her calmly first.
THEN, IF she did lie, he can be upset about that fact and tell her he doesn't want her to lie to him. He can also then decide whether or not he wants to stay with her. I just think getting all pissy about what someone else said about your gf without verifying it as fact is stupid.
He can be upset IF in fact she did lie. But he even stated that he "discovered" this information while drunk and the friend who told him was also drunk. You cannot just assume that she lied without discussing it with her calmly first.
THEN, IF she did lie, he can be upset about that fact and tell her he doesn't want her to lie to him. He can also then decide whether or not he wants to stay with her. I just think getting all pissy about what someone else said about your gf without verifying it as fact is stupid.
You didn't read his whole post did you? He said he asked the next morning to make sure the friend wasn't just under the influence and lieing, the next morning the "SOBER" friend said it was true, and promised him not to tell.
The friend made made him promise not to tell because it would make his gf mad and I understand that. He should be happy the friend even told him, becuz his gf wasn't going to say anything.
I think he should leave the friend out of it and try to bring up the subject on sly, he needs to know if his gf will continue to lie.
You didn't read his whole post did you? He said he asked the next morning to make sure the friend wasn't just under the influence and lieing, the next morning the "SOBER" friend said it was true, and promised him not to tell.
The friend made made him promise not to tell because it would make his gf mad and I understand that. He should be happy the friend even told him, becuz his gf wasn't going to say anything.
I think he should leave the friend out of it and try to bring up the subject on sly, he needs to know if his gf will continue to lie.
Again, since when do you trust a gf's friend over a gf you lost your virginity to? If he doesn't trust the gf more than that friend, he shouldn't have been sleeping with her anyway.
If this chick can't even be honest about being a virgin, she isn't anywhere near ready for sex. So since she isn't actually ready for sex, chances are she's probably had a number of partners before you..for some reason many chicks seem to roll that way.
Also, I've had a number of girls lie to me about how experienced they were. In the end, it just makes me wonder if they are sluts or something, since I start thinking "just how much is she hiding" and so on and so on. Conclusion? Ladies, don't do **** with some guy if in the future you don't think you can fess up to doing it. Guys? This day and age when a girl tells you she is a virgin and she is older than 16, it's usually a lie.
Last edited by Spectre; 18th October 2009 at 5:52 PM..
Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Hybrid Mode
