[courtneyy]

I'm 19 and I've been with my ex for almost two years and it was perfect in the first few months..he was sweet, charming, and romantic. We were really good friends for a few years before we started dating, we definitely have a history...well after those first few months it slowly started getting worse, we'd argue more often over really dumb stuff, and he'd start to push me and hold me down so i couldn't leave his house. It began escalating and got worse, i ended up breaking up with him about a month ago because i knew the abuse was wrong and nobody deserves that, but not having him in my life was horrible..idk what to do, he means the world to me, even if we don't date. I care about him so much as a person, we've been through a lot together...and when i'm around him even just trying to be friends i can't help but have feelings for him, it's as if we can't ever be "just friends". I have this amazing connection with him that i'll never have with anyone else..other than my family, he's the only other person who i feel completely comfortable with. But, my parents will never forgive him for what he did to me, and how much stuff he put me through..which, him and i don't blame them...but idk what to do. I want to be with him so badly because i really do believe that he's changed, he realizes that the only thing in life he needs is me, and why would he want to do something stupid and immature to ruin it. As long as he has me, he's happy and there's nothing to fight about. He's going to college in january for his phd and he's getting a car soon and a job, he's doing what he can to better himself, but i don't think my parents will ever accept him. I also feel bad because when i did break up with him, in order for me to try and get over him, i never talked to him and i thought negatively about him...so my parents think i'm never dating him again, and they've heard me say how much i hate him and he doesn't deserve me, etc..but in reality, that's not how i really feel. I'm thinking about maybe going to therapy...like couples therapy to work this out and see if it's really worth it. For now, we're just seeing eachother every couple days and keeping in on the down low until we know for sure that its different this time..and then i'll have to approach my parents :/ ugghhh any advice??