I've recently found out that a good male friend (what I once thought) is screwing his best friend's wife, what's more is she's 3 months pregnant, what's more is he used me as a cover - inviting me to BBQ's at their place as his friend and then the three of us (me, him and the wife) going out... this all done so they can spend time together and the husband not get suspicious.
I told him the minute I found out, in no uncertain terms, exactly what a low life he is on all counts.
My dilema, and one that I'm losing a bit of sleep over, is that I don't know if I should tell the husband or even how I would go about it.....
For starters, I do not know him... even though I have been over there for BBQ's a handful of times he's a very distant kind of guy, not rude, rather just quiet and reserved, so we have hardly exchanged anything more than courtesies between us. Going with that, I don't know their surname or even address off hand to be able to write something anonymous... I have cut my ties with the "friend" so it's not like I could get the information somehow from him. Then of course, if I found a way to make contact, I find myself wondering if he'd even believe me.... people being told news like that tend to go into denial and shoot the messenger if they're isn't any hard evidence to show them, there isn't. It would just my word (a stranger to him really) over his wife's and best friend denials.
I feel bad for the poor husband, the 4 year old son, the unborn baby, I feel he has every right to know but then I wonder if it's my place. The truth will eventually come out, one way or the other. If this was an established friend I would not be thinking twice about spilling the beans.
I'd cut off all ties with the cheating dude ( which you've already done ) and do nothing else. I think it's up to the husband to realize she's cheating; I wouldn't stick my nose into their relationship.
You're not helping the affair go on, so your conscience is clean.
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Hmmmm, this is a difficult situation. While telling the husband seems like the right thing to do, it is probably best to just let things go. With infidelities, there is only so long a couple can be involved without their significant other finding out. What goes around comes around so eventually it will all come back to haunt your ex-friend and the wife. The fact that she's cheating is a sign that the marriage is far from perfect so it will only be a matter of time before everything goes to hell. It is nice of you to want to help the situation, but in my opinion, it is better to leave well enough alone and let things unfold on their own. It's only a matter of time...
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Before we were married, my [now] husband gave a friend of his a key to his apartment so that his friend could bring women over there for sex and his friends wife would not find out.
My husband didn't think anything of it. They had a signal worked out so that if George was screwing some whore, hubby wouldn't walk in.
When I found out about this I explained it to my husband how wrong this is. He was raised seeing stuff like this (his parents cheated on each other and horribly abused him, which is why I didn't have a problem with the fact that hubby let this happen).
Anyway, after I explained it, and how it made me feel, and how hurt the wife will be when it's found out, he saw my point and told George the deal was off and changed his locks.
I thought about telling George's wife. I had only met her once and they had a 2-yr old son. I went to their house once w/ hubby to help George install a new window. I didn't know what to say. I wondered if she was suspicious. I wondered if George was wondering if I would say anything.
I decided that the best thing for me to do was to stay out of it. The part that affected me - use of my bfs apartment - was ended and the rest did not involve me. They would have to find out on their own and deal with it.
What would have been the point in my saying anything? All that would change is the time frame of them finding out, but would not change the outcome.
We have not seen or heard from George in better than 15 years now. Haven't missed him at all. I suggest you really think about what would be the point in you telling the husband - especially since you would have to go to some effort to find him.
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