[Squirts]

My friend asked me to be in her wedding about 4 months ago, I was a bit reluctant then, but she sort of "forced" me into it! So the next thing I know I am in a wedding that I didnt really want to be in!

So now 4 months on - we are going to pick bridesmaids dresses and she has picked the colour gold! GOLD! I do NOT look good in gold! I have told her that I dont like the colour she has choosen and that I wont feel comfortable on the day. I dont think she cares. Thing is, I have to spend $200 on a dress that I will NEVER EVER wear again!! I dont like her choice in anything!

What should I do??? What can I say to her???

[Tony T]

Paying $200 for a dress you will never wear again is the price you will have to pay for being intimidated and allowing yourself to be guilt manipulated and forced to do something you don't want to do.

This is the price you pay for a lesson you must learn now...or learn later. If you don't want to do something, SAY NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!! Simple as that. If a friend abandons you because you won't do something they demand they do, they're not your friend.

I don't think this girl is your friend because you told her you didn't look good in gold and she didn't care to change things. Also, she has to sense you don't want any part of this. A good friend would let you off the hook and excuse you from this obligation.

But if you don't go through with a committment you made, albeit under duress, then you are responsible. Oh, yes, you can back out now but you will lose an alleged friend.

NO is one of the most important words in the dictionary. If you don't learn to say it...and there are nice ways of saying it...you will be pushed, shoved, manipulated, pulverized, stomped, slugged, beaten, drained, etc. all the days of your life. If you don't want to do something, say NO right up front and don't let anybody talk you into it.

As for the dress, once you use it donate it to charity...if there's a day when you feel really mean.

[Patty]

No one can force you into anything unless you let them.If you let them,then they will expect it.Yes,the more you do for someone the more they expect from you.I know this for a fact cause Ive been through this before.Stick up for yourself.You can do it!

Good luck.

Patty

[sheeba]

Originally posted by Tony


I don't think this girl is your friend because you told her you didn't look good in gold and she didn't care to change things.

well-its HER WEDDING--its HER choice-if she wants gold-its GOLD. HER wedding isn't up for negotiation from the bridesmaids, parents or anyone else. (gold tho? gag. lol)

where this whole thing went wrong is where she brow beat you and you caved.

simply tell her that you would LOVE to attend her wedding-but you have "too much going on right now to take on any bridesmaids responsibilities." a classic yet vague answer.

learn the art of saying NO with penache. it will serve you well in mannnnny circumstances

[Ally Boo]

I just recently went through this. The bride ended up getting very offended and hurt. But give her some time to get over it (if she DOES get upset), and things should be ok.

Just make sure you do it now before the wedding gets too close.