This feels strange as I have never posted about personal matters on a forum but would really like to get an opinion from other members here. I was seeing/dating my wife for almost 4-5 yrs (2 yrs weekend relationship) b4 getting married. However, during marriage I was going through a very hard time personally and also transitioning from graduate studies to career job. I think I did not want to marry her, however I still went ahead with it for two reasons: 1) I wasnt sure if my doubt about marriage decision was real or just part of the stressful transition I was going through or I really did not want to marry her and 2) Since I had proposed to her and made her wait almost 2 yrs, I had feeling of guilt and responsibility justifying the decision. I had made her well aware of my thoughts about the whole situation and my indecisiveness b4 we went through it. However 4 months into marriage when things settled down for me a bit, I was confident she is definitely not the person I can spend my life with but she was being completely regardless of my feelings about the situation and wanted to jump ahead to plan a family/future etc and in those conversation I also learned that she did not really like me for me "as a person" but just my future potential and saw getting married to me as some kind of "ambition". This really put me down as this is completely against my value system/outlook for a marriage and I decided to separate and now everyone including my close ones are guilt-tripping me over my decision. Should I really feel guilty about taking this decision? Am I really being unreasonably "bad" person here. The decision was not easy for me and is depressing for me as I wanted my marriage to be stable and lifelong as well. It has put a damper on my future plans as well. Is it wrong to not be able to trust a person who chose to hide her real interests in 4 yrs of dating just because she saw her potential goals being attained regardless of what I felt about the relationship? It is becoming hard for me to deal with this everyday.
Get out of the relationship, and stay out. If she doesn't really like you, she certainly won't be there for you if things (god forbid) turn south in later years, and you need someone to be supportive, nurturing, loving, etc.
To hell with what anyone else thinks. This is YOUR life.
you're not a bad person,just someone who's honest with thenselves. and don'e forget her thinking of your potential,especially in terms of alimony and kids.
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