Hello.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 years, and are planing to move in together this summer after we both graduate from college. We've been very commited from the start, spending tons of time together, and even though we don't have a place of our own we're currently practically live-in at each other's parents' houses.

Our relationship has been very enjoyable, and I care for her very much. The problem is, I go in and out of being sure that I'm in love with her.

Sometimes, I feel that the relationship is fabulous, and the sun's always shining. At other times there can be streatches where I seriously wonder if I am in love with her. At times like these, I often dream/fantacize about other women I know/have known (which bothers me also.) This uncertainty isn't helped by the impending move-in, and her ruminations about future marriage which she's talked about almost from the beginning of the relationship (she's Russian, and for her culture 19/20/21 is an average age for girls to get married--her mom got married at 19 and has had an ideal marrage since.)

What do you folks think I should do? I care for her very deeply, she's a sweety. And very very often its wonderful. I'm just not always sure if I have the feelings needed for a more perminant relationship.

[HokeyReligions]

Have you discussed this with her? She is the one who needs to know.

Realizing that there are cultural differences is great and keeping those in mind when discussing the future together should help when making decisions or analyzing how you and she are feeling.

It's a double-edged sword for sure. Personally, I wouldn't move in with someone until I was SURE that we would spend the rest of our lives together.

Nowadays it seems a lot of young people think that the best way to find out if they want to spend the rest of their lives together is to move in and see how it works out. But if you do that -- make sure BOTH of you are clear that it is a trial basis and may possibly end in a break up. Don't assume anything.

Talk to her about your fears and concerns. Maybe you two are just moving too fast.

[yes]

just a quick note from a girl who also grew up in Russia:

My mom also got married when she was 21, but this doesn't affect me at all. I know I won't get married until I'm at least in my mid-twenties, if not later. So - don't assume that she'd like to follow her mom's steps.

The fact that she talks about marriage is also not a huge indicator - all girls would like that they bf'd like to marry them SOME DAY.

So I hope you don't feel pressured to marry her soon. As for living together - perhaps you can put it off until you're a bit more sure?

Just some thoughts,
-yes