As I mentioned in other posts, my GF and I have been together for 5 months. She's been pretty open about past relationships, and so have I. She has gone so far to come out and admit that she will never get over her most recent ex who dumped her and that she still loves him. This kind of bothers me, but other than one discussion about a couple of months ago, I let it go. They are friends on social networking sites. I asked her if he were to reappear (they were in an LDR...and are still separated by distance), should I be concerned? She said simply, it's over, it's not going to happen, and let's please change the topic.
Things have been going really well between us, and I am pretty convinced that this is the woman I want to marry. We've talked about a future together and have even started thinking up names for our future kids. But the fact that she has admitted to me (on more than one occassion) that she doesn't think she will ever get over her ex does concern me.
So before I spend several thousands of dollars on a ring and pop the question, which I'd like to do at the end of the year (about the 10 month mark), would it be unreasonable for me to say to her, "Before I propose to you, whenever that is, I need to know that you are over your ex." Bad idea?
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"Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something." - The Princess Bride
the fact that she has admitted to me (on more than one occassion) that she doesn't think she will ever get over her ex does concern me.
As it should. This girl sounds like trouble.
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Honey, I just don't feel like we're Facebooking enough. You never comment on my status updates. I just don't think it's working out. I am going to have to unfriend you. We can still be friends on MySpace, though. I'm really sorry. Maybe I'll send you an Evite someday.
As I mentioned in other posts, my GF and I have been together for 5 months. She's been pretty open about past relationships, and so have I. She has gone so far to come out and admit that she will never get over her most recent ex who dumped her and that she still loves him. This kind of bothers me, but other than one discussion about a couple of months ago, I let it go. They are friends on social networking sites. I asked her if he were to reappear (they were in an LDR...and are still separated by distance), should I be concerned? She said simply, it's over, it's not going to happen, and let's please change the topic.
Things have been going really well between us, and I am pretty convinced that this is the woman I want to marry. We've talked about a future together and have even started thinking up names for our future kids. But the fact that she has admitted to me (on more than one occassion) that she doesn't think she will ever get over her ex does concern me.
So before I spend several thousands of dollars on a ring and pop the question, which I'd like to do at the end of the year (about the 10 month mark), would it be unreasonable for me to say to her, "Before I propose to you, whenever that is, I need to know that you are over your ex." Bad idea?
This is bizarre. I feel bad for anyone really that is told "I will never get over my ex". It's kind of like..okay? you are dating me then, why? . That said, I cannot believe she still allows him to be in her life. I was once very..VERY in love with someone from my past. For months I cried myself to sleep over this guy and thought I'd never get over it..but eventually I did. Some time later I met my current partner, since then that particular ex has tried to come back into my life, I politely told him I did not wish for him to have any place in my life but I wish him all the best. That ship has sailed, we are over, I am madly in love with someone else who I find much better suited for me and there is no way I would put any man from the past before him. THIS is where SHE should be at if she were ready to marry you. THIS is what SHE SHOULD be telling the ex.
I understand you care about her, but why are you even considering marriage with a woman who's still in love with someone else?
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And remember, the light at the end of the tunnel just may be you!
I totally agree, but is it my place to tell her to cut communications with her ex? I wish that would happen (as I've always cut communication with exes who've dumped me), but I'm afraid that it would make her desire the guy more as opposed to less. Kind of the "you always want what you can't have" sort of thing.
I totally agree, but is it my place to tell her to cut communications with her ex? I wish that would happen (as I've always cut communication with exes who've dumped me), but I'm afraid that it would make her desire the guy more as opposed to less. Kind of the "you always want what you can't have" sort of thing.
You still haven't answered why you are persuing, dating, consdering marriage with a woman who is in love with someone else. Is it your place to tell her to cut communications with the ex? I guess that's debatable, but my partner didn't HAVE to tell me, I did it all on my own the second ex tried popping around. I love my partner, he is the man I want in my life. He is the man I adore and want to share myself with. I don't need to gain outside fulfillment from other men, least of all exes. If she were half as serious about you as you are her, she would re act along the same lines. ESPECIALLY a man she's told you she will not get over and still loves? I mean my god.
The only reason i can think of that she kept telling u she could not get over the ex is that she doesn't want you to have too high expectation on ur relationship. It's like a warning or something if later on she did something stupid to hurt u she will have an excuse.
If she's completely happy with u, why'd she bother to say stuff like that.
And there is no difference. And its absolutely understandable that u may think there's a difference cuz I've been in this situation. You choose to believe the way u want to believe.
My advice is DONT pop up the question!!! Give it more time!!
The only reason i can think of that she kept telling u she could not get over the ex is that she doesn't want you to have too high expectation on ur relationship. It's like a warning or something if later on she did something stupid to hurt u she will have an excuse.
If she's completely happy with u, why'd she bother to say stuff like that.
And there is no difference. And its absolutely understandable that u may think there's a difference cuz I've been in this situation. You choose to believe the way u want to believe.
My advice is DONT pop up the question!!! Give it more time!!
Give it more time? Really? Why on earth would you advise someone who is dating a person, who not only has admitted they still love their ex, may never get over them and continues to make them a part of thier daily life..more time to what? Be mistreated?
Oh! I was in an LDR and still hung up over my ex.... who is still separated by distance. There was a time in my life where I would have dropped anyone or anything if he came back into my life, even when I was in relationships. It's kind of a sad mentality, but she doesn't sound like she's getting over it. I hope you don't ask her to marry you, she is not ready.
Give it more time? Really? Why on earth would you advise someone who is dating a person, who not only has admitted they still love their ex, may never get over them and continues to make them a part of thier daily life..more time to what? Be mistreated?
Well they're in the relationship now. It still worth trying and apparently he loves her a lot. You can not expect a relationship to be perfect and It would be arbitrary to suddenly end a relationship because of the imperfection. I mean there's a still hope she can get over the ex.
But you need to take it slow and be clear about where u r in this relationship. BTW its just my opinion. I guess my ex trained me well on being generous about relationships.
You can give her (alot more time) for you to make her forget about her ex...and not reminding her of him. You can make sure youre doing things to make her not WANT to keep communication with her ex. Telling her not to do it will not work. Or you can bail out. especially if she talks to him often, and you see changes in her behavior. Step up your game. Figure out if shes really worth it.
__________________ ADF: People don't lie to spare other people; people lie to spare themselves. Anybody who says, "it's not you, it's me" is beneath contempt.
If youre only dating jerks, It's your people-picker that needs a tune-up.
Well they're in the relationship now. It still worth trying and apparently he loves her a lot. You can not expect a relationship to be perfect and It would be arbitrary to suddenly end a relationship because of the imperfection. I mean there's a still hope she can get over the ex.
But you need to take it slow and be clear about where u r in this relationship. BTW its just my opinion. I guess my ex trained me well on being generous about relationships.
No relationship is perfect, no. Call me crazy though, if I were madly in love with a guy, wanting to marry him, but he told me "well I'm still in contact with my ex, who I still love and I may never really get over". Sorry, that would just be TOO much for me. I don't doubt he loves her a lot, but he should love himself at least enough to expect to give back what he gives. If a man or a woman persuing and investing their feelings and emotions into a person who remains in contact with an ex, and states they still love them and may never get over them is being "generous in relationships" your ex is a doorknob.
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